She can see clearly now, part 2...

Here's Strawberry Shortcake with her new glasses. We picked them up yesterday before school. Unlike Poufy, she couldn't confirm whether she could see or not in them....grrrrreat.

Tune in next week when we find out when CDQ gets her glasses and if the oldest and the boy need glasses too.

Oh, and Hubs will be getting new ones in March.

As for me, I think I can see. I've passed all the eye tests, even the ones they can't see with flying colors. Phew! I don't think I should pay for them to tell me I can read all the charts. lol

Sometimes the words just don't come out right...

and I don't even notice.

Yesterday in the car, Hubs and I were talking politics and somehow we came around to Clinton and Monica. This is how the conversation went:

Me: "I just can't believe that woman is making purses and became famous for what she did. "
Hubs: "Purses.?"
Me: "Yeah, she makes these fugly purses and people actually buy them. "
Hubs: "Really.?"
Me: "Yep. Clinton got into all this trouble and yet she became famous for being a whore , which they both are and what I don't understand is why no one has gone down on her."
Hubs: *What I thought was silence became extreme chuckling. *
Me: *rethinking what I just said...doh! I meant come down on her, no one has come down on her... Yeesh.*

Later on when I was ironing on the kids Girl Scout Patches the whole conversation entered my mind again and I got a fit of giggles because I started to wonder just what I've said to people over the years. I know some people will grin or chuckle when I am talking to them and I'll ask what and they'll just shake their head and say nothing.

Wonder what little gems I have dropped here and there over the years. *rolling my eyes*

Someone come and yank me off of this Wii...*

I finally pulled myself off of the Wii and Dance Dance Revolution. I guess I'm just trying to block out the day that I really don't know what to do with.

So for the past 3 hours I have been battling the Wii. I never really realized just how competitive I was until we got this thing.

My perfectionism really is coming out and it's ugly. Hubs hasn't said anything but...come closer so he can't hear...

I think he's scared.

I took this Wii fitness test on the 8th with no practice. It says that my Wii Fitness Age is 33. I was 31 when I took the test and now I am 32 and I am still not happy. I am officially 60 lbs overweight and scored this and STILL not happy.

I don't know if anyone remembers this post. But even though it said my brainage is 28, I'm still not happy. The youngest you can score on both is 20. That's what I want. LOL!

I have a hard time accepting my loss to a toy. If I knew where my cable to upload pictures was right now I would post exactly what I am talking about. Maybe another time.

I will beat this thing. I will.

Are any of you as obssessive-compulsive as me? Probably not, huh?

*Shrinking back into my little corner of the internet, getting ready to jump back on the mat. lol*


*Updated to show you just how sick and twisted I am... I found my camera cable.

This is what I am talking about...If you look at my scores I mainly did better than the Wii but I still lost. They make her slightly better than me somehow to make her win.



















As soon as I hit publish, I got back on and this happened... Do you see I still did better than her on my score and still lost!




















It ticked me off so bad that this came of it in the next game...

All is right in the world now and I have turned off the Wii. I have conquered and I can now rest. hehehe

I need help don't I?

"School is Absent Today???" Poufy-age 7

My lucky day(note sarcasm, lol)...the kids are home from school because last night we had weather that I would guess resembled a small blizzard. Snow pelting in every direction because of strong winds. It was very odd.

First we got an automated call at 6:17 am saying that they were delaying school by 2 hours. Then we got a call at 8:30 saying the roads were too icy; forget about school.

What I didn't blog about yesterday is the fact that when "I" (the kid's little cousin) was here he spilled the beans about Cindy's suicide (the kid's 14 year old cousin who killed herself last year). The therapist told me that the oldest told her somewhat about it last week. I don't really believe that he just out and said it. I think my kids questioned him because her death was over a year ago and I doubt it would have been at the forefront of his mind. My sister feels awful about it. I told her not to worry and that there's no problem but I don't know if she believes me.

Yesterday we decided that today would be the day that we should tell the kids. I totally forgot it was my birthday and I'm a little worried that because it is a day that we will remember every year it will be a reminder of Cindy.

But then again, I never know what's going through their heads. Right now, none of them have remembered. So, my guess is today is as good a day as any.

Lord, give me strength.

A vagi what?

So, today we went to the appointment and I had the ultrasound.

I have to admit, before we went in I was all kinds of nervous about labs. I haven't had a shot or blood drawn since 1999. I've seen the kids get shots and have blood drawn and I've seen Hubs stabbed several million times. So, when they told me it was going to be just an ultrasound I was like "SURE! LET'S GO!" and then they said I had to empty my bladder, "NO PROBLEMO!" and then I walked in the ultrasound room.

Stirrups, seen those before...not with oven mitts on them but whatever... The nurse started telling me that the procedure would be easier than a pap smear and blah blah blah. I didn't really hear the rest because I saw Hubs open-mouthed staring at something. Then I saw what he was staring at.

Uh... I guess I was envisioning the goop on my tummy ultrasound but instead I was met with a plastic wand. I said "Um, what are we doing exactly." She said a transvaginal ultrasound and was reassuring me it wasn't going to hurt. The wand was for my pikachu. I told her "Oh, I'm on my period." (because surely someone forgot to tell them). She basically said great and it was the perfect time to check my follicles. I had to strip from the waist down. The doctor put goop on, then a condom and more goop.

I stopped him and I think I gave him the shock of his life. I told him I was still a virgin. Why do I think I gave him the shock of his life? Because he gaped at me for like 30 seconds (maybe even 45.) and then he said he would be really careful and that there might be blood... I was so nervous, I chirped "well doesn't really matter than because I am already bleeding! HAHAHAHA" ARGH! I hate that I laugh like a dork when I am nervous. I guess I should also mention that this doctor couldn't be very much older than me. So. Strange. That didn't help my nervousness... not because he was young but because well..."Hi, I just met you, here go ahead and poke me and did I mention I'm bleeding...oh and did we go to HIGH SCHOOL together?". He kept apologizing the whole time and again before he left. I felt bad for him.

It hurt. It still hurts. I think I've ventured well into TMI territory but I think I lost my virginity to an ultrasound wand. Happy 32nd birthday to me!

Anyway, the ultrasound. He found a fibroid on one side and 6 follicles. On the other side he found a cyst that he said was perfectly normal and 6 more follicles. He said all and all very good. Chances are good. I'm young and my stuff is good.

I think I messed up when he was slowly trying to take the wand out. I basically yanked myself off it because it hurt so bad.

Anyway, Hubs has now been referred to a urologist who will discuss retrieval processes with us.
We are thinking that he will have to have sperm retrieved from his testes with a needle. I have to make that appointment for us to find out. If it is the case that he has sperm, they will retrieve it, freeze it. Put me on drugs to promote egg whatever and than also put me on the pill so that they can control my period to the exact day that we want to try and conceive. Which we think is sometime in August. (I'm crazy, I insist that I must still be able to put up and take down the Christmas lights.) It has to be done via IVF because they are thinking that Hubs isn't going to have a very high sperm count and that they will have to put the sperm and egg together in the lab and than put it in me.

We went out to lunch at The Olive Garden afterwards. Hubs asked if I wanted to still do this because it is very expensive. I turned it around and asked him if he was having second thoughts. He immediately answered no without ANY hesitation. He said he was worried about me because I'm the one who basically has to do it all.

I told him as long as he was ready to put up with me being extra uh, lets say something that rhymes with witchy. He said he didn't think it was possible. I said "What do you mean?" He said "were you here last week?" I don't even remember last week. I think I told off two nurses and went head to head with CDQ's teacher and her teacher's assistant. Other than that and the kids being especially awful, I dunno what he's talking about.

I told him he hadn't seen nothing yet. lol

Charting...

I've been trying to do the charts since Flo started visiting 3 days ago.

I have a problem. I never get a solid block of 3 hours of sleep. Never.

Last night Hubs had a million problems all night long. I was up and down almost every hour. He has spasms if he isn't laying right in bed. He has a hospital bed. So I constantly have to put his head up or down or pull him back up in bed. Basically, I'm turning him all night long so he doesn't get sores and so that he can sleep. He's 6 feet tall and pretty big so this tiny bed is more of a boon to him. It folds in his back when he sits up and then he ends up falling sideways. It's just a pain.

For BBT, it says that you have to have a solid three hour block of sleep and not move before you take your temp. But if I am getting up and down and up and down and never really even sleep a full hour, how am I supposed to do that?

Also, thanks to Scrawn, my first day of temping might be skewed because she turned on the electric blanket to medium. (I've gotten smarter than the cat and I've removed the electric blanket.) I didn't know until afterwards.

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow. I don't think they'll find anything wrong with me. I'll have to ask about the prenatal pills because quite honestly, I stopped taking them. They were making me feel sick and when I did a search, well it came up with information I thought I better stick to.

See, I think I *might* have a thyroid problem and it might be working in conjunction with this thing called Addison's disease or something like that. I mean, I'm self-diagnosing and probably totally wrong. However, when I googled my symptoms with the prenatals and a warning came up revolving around these two things. Well, I thought "oh crap!" and decided to stop them because I might be making myself sicker. I'm probably all wrong about these things, otherwise if I am right, I should go to med. school. lol

So tomorrow they check my follicles and make sure I don't have any cysts or fibroids.

There's a chance. It runs in my family. My baby sister who is 23 has had ovarian cancer. I believe they have removed it twice and I know that if they have to go in again, they will perform a hysterectomy on her. That's what they have told her. One more time. Can you imagine being so young and having to face that? I feel bad for her.

Anyway, I don't really know what all they are going to tell us tomorrow. I am nervous for some reason.

I guess I'll be really nervous when they run tests on Hubs because we both think it boils down to him really.

I don't know...wish us luck...I guess.

What God heard from me at Church today and what he might have said back...

for some reason the kids were awful today. Some of them are sick but even so yesterday was a perfect day. Today...not so perfect.

Before Church, everyone was scurrying around because at the last minute we decided to go to the Spanish mass since we had to be there for a first confession meeting at about the same time mass was ending.

Actually, we've been trying all the different mass times since we are trying to find the "right" one for us. Now that we had the middle seat installed we can do things because there is a seat in the van for everyone.

Anyway, at Church, we found pews where I thought we would be out of the way when people went up for communion. The thing was that the kids had to sit behind Hubs and Me. Well they seemed to think that made them invisible or something.

They talked and fought and shoved and everything you can think of. I was mortified. No body else seemed to mind but I did. I kept shooting them looks that they seemed to be ignoring. So, finally during the sign of peace, I was able to say something. It went like this:

Me to CDQ: Peace be with you andyoubetternotshoveanybodyagainscootover.
Me to the boy: Peace be with you, youneedtocutitoutandbehavemakesureyoukneel.
Me to Strawberry Shortcake: Peace be with you, shutupnow.

Lovely, eh?

I glanced up to see the woman directly behind them staring at me with a huge grin on her face. I was embarrassed but what else was I supposed to do?

Afterwards, a woman came up to me and whispered in my ear "Your girls are so well behaved, I'm proud of you." It was so strange. When she whispered that to me I was facing the crucifix and because I am short and she was taller I was looking up towards Jesus on the cross. It was a whisper and then it was gone...

Life is interesting.

Pikachu???

So, I've been studying so that I can study for my GRE test. Yep, you read that right.

I've gone back to basics and oddly enough found out that, Hey!, I never even knew the basics! WHOO HOO!

Anyway, for some reason um, I dunno maybe the way my posts sound like I am one of my kids rambling on and on, I decided to start with a grammar refresher.

People, I kid you not. I did not know what a verb was. I was taught that a noun is a person, place or thing and if a word wasn't a noun it was a verb. The end. Oh and sentences. Subject and predicate. The end.

Here's the kicker, I've been an honor and AP student since the 9th grade. I was even an honors student in college. English was my BEST subject. I could just write and it was an A.

Hubs says I didn't learn all that adjective and adverb and propositions, etc, etc... because honors classes are paper classes and they don't really teach English because they assume you already know. This is probably true. In 9th grade Honors English we read books and talked about them, then we wrote papers. In 1oth Grade Honors English, we wrote research papers and position papers,etc... In 11th grade we did a little bit of both and in 12th we just studied for the AP test and read the books that were part of the testing.

I remember my friends who were non AP had so much English homework, we just had to read books. Anyway, while I sat there confused out of my mind on how to distinguish an adverb from an adjective (some how I have it backwards) I was telling Hubs I just don't get it.

He said some kind of mumbo jumbo to me and that's when I felt it, a pain, literally felt it down there.

I told Hubs, "My Gosh!, now I know what Y is talking about!" He was confused just as you are. " I said " This stuff literally hurts my pachina", blank stare from Hubs. I tell him Y's little girl says vagina as pachina because, well she does, and Y's always saying things hurt her pachina or make it weak. I ACTUALLY felt it." Hubs was like ok. Just like you are probably thinking as you see Pikachu.

And here is where I get to my point, and yes there is one... About half an hour later, Hubs and I were talking about our schedule for next week. He said and I kid you not "Isn't Monday when we go to get your pikachu checked?"

I was like "my what?" He repeats "your pikachu, you know?"

I'm like "No, I don't know."

Hubs: "Wait, didn't you say pikachu?, Our fertility appointment..."

Me(about to wet myself from laughing so hard): "No, I said PA-CHI-NA."

Hubs: *bright red* "Well, pachina...pikachu, it's all the same."

Me: "Is it really?"

Men....

Why I Went Off On the School Nurses...

Lately I have been dealing A LOT with school nurses.

My kids seem to gravitate towards them instead of coming to us. The therapist says they need to learn to rely on us and not other people.

How do I accomplish that when everyone else feels so sorry for these kids that they kiss their asses. (excuse my language but I am livid).

See, Poufy gets hurt...she scabs over and then she picks it to make it bleed so that she can get a band aid from the school nurse.

This because the school nurse will say "Oh, poor baby, you have an owie, what happened?" and it's all lollipops and rainbows.

But when they come to me or Hubs, it's not like that and it won't be. Yes, maybe when she fell but not in the third week where she has repeatedly ripped the scab off for a princess band aid. At that point it's a lecture about how she is going to regret it when she is all scabbed up and won't want to wear dresses that show her knees and she will hate them...not to mention how she is making herself prone to infection.

The boy, when he needs a dose of kiss ass, he "hits" his head on things in the playground. That way when he goes they tell him "how tough it is to be the baby." He's not the baby. Bella is. Just because she is dead doesn't mean he gets to be lazy and pampered. Do I sound like a bitch? Probably.

But he's 6 and he thinks he can throw his clothes out in the hallway and demand his sisters put them away. Do they (the nurses)know that? No. Do they know that he has issues with maturity and by treating him like he is 2 instead of 6, they are helping him regress. no. Do they realize even a minute of that strokes him enough. no.

But I bet they think I am a bitch.

Last night Hubs was having trouble with his catheter and autonomic dysreflexia AND diaphoresis. This causes spikes in blood pressure which can also lead to stroke. I had plans to work on him today to see if we could figure out what is going on.

Fast forward to this morning. Strawberry Shortcake. I TOLD her to stay away from her brother. I kept catching her there in his room. Now she is sick. I was going to keep her home this morning. But she didn't have a fever and when I asked her she said "I only have a little cough". Against my better judgement, I let her go.

Last year when SS got sick, she didn't even tell me she wasn't feeling well and when the teacher asked her why, She told her I would just send her to school sick anyway. That warranted a call from the teacher, she didn't believe SS thankfully. But what crap ARE they talking out there that people DO believe.

Anyway, I get the call from the school nurse. I go to pick her up. I am pissed. Because the babying starts. "Poor baby is not feeling well, blah blah blah."

I told them what transpired this morning. I told them they (the kids) do it because they are babied and that they need to stop...really. Jaws dropped. I'm sure they were talking about me when I left.

Yes, she is sick. But she is going to be 9. She lied to me. Do I excuse the lie because she is sick? No. This is a huge issue in therapy. Their lack of honesty. All of them.

Oh, I'm leaving the part out about her freaking hacking up a lung in the nurses office. I wish I could record the sound in my house because all you would hear is the clacking of my keyboard. Not a single cough once we left the school. Not. one.

This isn't a case of "oh, I love school so much and MY FRIENDS! I would die if I missed playing with them and so I want to go to school!" Because at her age, I would've expected something like that.

I am just beyond and let me just say BEYOND tired of people thinking they know these kids or letting them slide because of their backgrounds. Yes, they had the worst possible childhood up to a certain point and that is now their past. It will never be completely gone. But STOP...stop! making it their today and their future.

Can't these people understand? They are making things worse.

Don't tell me these are your kids, because they are not.
Don't look at me like you know something, because you don't.

I may look like I'm 12 and you may think you have some experience on me but I can guarantee that I've been through more than you can ever fathom and that's light compared to what the kids have been through, so don't make assumptions.

Do not speak to me like I am ignorant because the children have issues.
Do not undermine me with your useless comments.

Do not parent my children.
Do not cast judgment on me because you...yes, you and you know who you are could not step one foot into my shoe and make it out alive.

You may think I am full of shit and that's fine. But I live it and I know it. I Thank GOD! for the new therapist who has worked with treatment foster youth and is working with the kids and sees what I am going through and understands! Thank God for her because now I know I am not crazy and that I AM doing the right things.

Finally someone who does get it and who is helping.

Thank God for hearing and answering my prayers.

Without the new therapist, I would still be floundering and feeling as if I were doing the wrong things and like I was a meanie. I understand feeling sorry for the kids, that was our first mistake, because they took it and ran with it and used it against us. But I wouldn't tell anyone else how to raise their child(ren) so why do people think they can tell me how?

Tackle It Tuesday

This Tuesday I am going to tackle something that I can't even begin to fathom where it came from. Last week, I looked up and I saw my desk for what it had become.

A mountain of crap. It's been a popular dumping spot for the kids and I hadn't even noticed because I've been working from the sofa when I haven't been dropping dead or away from home.

I'm hoping to get it done by next Tuesday considering this week is jam packed. I have three back to back eye appointments tomorrow morning. Two kids have therapy appointments in the afternoon. Wednesday is the tour of the catholic school and catechism, Thursday there are two more therapy appointments and Friday- the girls start selling cookies, I have to go to a first confession meeting. Saturday the girls have a girl scout function. It's just going to be back to back this week and the beginning of next week! *sigh*

For more tackles, click here!

Menu Plan Monday

I'm late with the Menu Planning and I actually contemplated not doing one this week. But they are so helpful. I figured better late than never.

But first, I have to tell you about these cookies that I made from Ree's site, The Pioneer Woman Cooks! It's so simple and Yummy! Almost too much!

These are just made from premade cookie dough and any candy of your choice. There were so many options but this is what I choose to do....this time. lol

Chocolate Chip Cookie dough and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Chocolate Chip Cookie dough and Snickers Minis.
Chocolate Chip Cookie dough and Twix minis cut in half.
Chocolate Chip Cookie dough and Toffee Kisses. I haven't tried this one yet. But I'd have to say my favorite so far is the Twix. I still have brownie, peanut butter and sugar cookie doughs to make. These are soooo rich!


On to my menu:

Monday: Frozen Pizza doctored up and Caesar Salad.

Tuesday: Left over meatloaf, mashed potatoes, brown gravy and green beans. (Last week I made mac and cheese instead of mashed potatoes and we had the left over cornbread with it.)

Wednesday: Deli Sandwiches and potato chips.

Thursday: Eat out

Friday: Steak, macaroni salad and corn on the cob.

Saturday: Breakfast for dinner. Potatoes and chorizo burritos.

Sunday: Parmesan crusted chicken, angel hair pasta, green beans.

For more great menus, click here!

The day Scrawn almost killed me...

The prenatals have really been doing a number on me. I think it's the iron because I'm anemic and iron has always made me feel awful.

I spent most of my time falling asleep every time I sat down this weekend. Not much fun.

Except for Saturday when Scrawn tried to kill me. You see that picture above. That's Scrawn, on an electric throw. You see that little remote control thingy next to her. It controls the throw.
Saturday I was so exhausted after getting Hubs up I drug myself to the sofa where I plopped down and fell asleep. I fell asleep in such a way that this electric throw was bunched under me and I had pulled a piece of it over me.

Let me emphasize that the throw WAS NOT ON.

This girl, this cat right here... she's too smart for her own good. She turned it on...HIGH. Then she laid on top of me. I could not wake up to save myself. I tried and tried and I could hear Hubs and the kids and I kept trying to talk. I couldn't. Finally when I was able to push her and the throw off of me and cool down some, I could get up. I was drenched in sweat from the waist up. It sucked.

This cat, Scrawnie girl, she's just really good at working gadgets. Too good. She used to work my cd player. She prefers Jewel-- I believe it's the Pieces of Me cd that is her favorite.

You can even see in the picture above she HAS the remote. Her eyes are challenging me to try and take it away from her.

Crazy isn't it?

Thanks Everyone!*

Thanks for the great comments regarding fertility. There is so much to read out there and I really had no clue. I thought once we started talking about things at the doctor's office that I would have "leads" to go on.



I had no idea that I should have been charting and doing all kinds of stuff. I really wonder how we are supposed to know all that.



I'm going to try and find my library tomorrow. Our town library is being renovated and a new library went up but I haven't been successful in my attempts to find it.



I started taking prenatals yesterday. It was weird. They made me sick. Probably because I didn't eat. I usually don't. I was feeling queasy when we got to the therapist's office for the kids but she sprayed something that had some type of essential oils and it actually made me feel hungry. REALLY hungry. I wolfed down a hot dog SMOTHERED with relish. I mean someone could have said "would you like some hot dog with your relish?" That's how much relish.



I don't even eat hot dogs often if at all because of an unfortunate Circus incident where I had eaten a hot dog at the Circus then immediately found out that I had the flu. *wide eye stare* We had to leave early. It was soooo bad that I've never even been back to the Circus either. I think I was about 7 years old. Oh, the truama! I can even tell you what I was wearing that day! I only got like 2 clowns autographs. LOL!



I think it was the combo from the night before and the stress and just I didn't really eat much dinner the night before last. I just wasn't feeling the menu plan. lol



Hubs watched me wolf down the hot dog either amused or disgusted. LOL He doesn't like pickles, therefore doesn't like relish. Plus, I don't think I've ever eaten like that before. As soon as I was done I said I thought I could eat another one. I think I could've!



I guess I'll have to pay more attention to my nutrition as well. I don't eat very well, nor very healthy.



Nor do I get enough sleep, seeing as I am typing this at 3 am and will post it sometime tomorrow.



I think a whole lifestyle change is in order. Although, oddly enough...right now I am thinking of a hot dog smothered in relish. It was sooo good.


*UPDATED: I am finally taking a short break from running around and being a little sick. Are these prenatals supposed to make my stomach hurt? I ate some soup (yeah I know weird breakfast--I'm allergic to milk so no cereal or anything like that) before I took them and well, the result wasn't good. Thank God that didn't happen yesterday.

A 7th Birthday in pictures...

There were the usual guests...

Strawberry Shortcake

Mon Chi ChhiHubs

Sticky

CDQ

The Boy

The Oldest

The Guest of Honor aka Poufy

There was cake and ice cream...YUM!

There were gifts and oh boy were there gifts!

Thanks to TKW (<--click link) for the beautiful Tutu (<--click link)she made Poufy for her birthday. After I showed Poufy it wasn't a tambourine (it has bells on it) but a tutu, she was thrilled and couldn't wait to put it on and dance. lol


Happy 7th Birthday (tomorrow) Poufy!

Another reason why I am the luckiest girl ever!

Checking my e-mail to find a few love notes from Hubs and this attachment...

He made this coupon himself for me. Awww...how sweet!

Did I Mention I Am Exhausted??

because I feel like I can just drop right here, right now.

But Hubs has a long night tonight and unfortunately I am the one preforming the procedure.

I didn't get much sleep last night because it was still immensely cold in the house and every time I did drift off I was jolted back awake by: Hubs, kids, dogs, etc...

Let's put it this way. I was on the sofa and the light was still on when I went to wake the kids up for school.

That was an ordeal in itself considering BOTH the hot and cold water were frozen. I had even left the hot water running and it froze over.

I was trying to get as much as I could done without water. Which when you think about it, all of a sudden everything is water based.

For example,

I'll run the dishwasher! uh...no
I'll do the laundry! uh...no
I'll wipe down the counters and the table! uh...no
I'll clean out my bathroom, like I've been meaning to! uh..no
I know! All this free time! I'll take a shower!...na uh.

For some reason my mind kept centering around water based stuff. Because as I sit here and type I can ramble off a list of all I have to do that isn't water based to name a few...

Clear kitchen counter desk.
Clear living room counter desk.
Put away Christmas tote (yep...still out. I think it's now become my living room coffee table. lol)
Forms to fill out. etc..etc...

At any rate, as I was getting ready to get Hubs up and the cold water had been flowing for about 2 hours, I get a call. The boy is sick. Fine. I go pick him up. I gave him some robotussin and told him to take a nap.

An hour later he comes out to ask if he can go to the bathroom and his face and upper neck are covered in hives and he's been scratching some of them raw. 1.) he never told me he was sick. 2.) he didn't even bother to come out and tell me he was itchy. 3.) He's had that same medicin from that very bottle without incident.

I gave him some Eucedrin(sp?) for his face to stop the iching and burning. Some benydral for his reaction and some kid's ibruprofen for his fever. Good times!

Then we were off because both the boy and the oldest were scheduled for therapy sessions. We ended up only having the oldest's session because the boy fell asleep at the office. The therapist said to just cancel for today.

That gave us two hours before the Math Club let out (that's where the other three were). We decided to head over to Costco to stock up on a few things. That place sucks you in with all the cool stuff and the samples. lol

We ended up leaving there later than we intended to. Then, because of the directionally challenged person that I am, I got lost going home showing Hubs the really cool way I get home when he's not with me and I'm coming home from Costco. Hey, all I can say is I don't know what happened. I make it home when I'm by myself don't I? LOL

Finally, 15 minutes late, I picked the kids up from the Math Club and we were heading for confession. Because it was getting so late. We postponed it and just stopped at the store to pick up the cake and cupcakes for Poufy's birthday tomorrow. I was supposed to pick them up earlier but never made it. I had to pick them up otherwise I would be making a mad dash tomorrow morning, seeing that the cupcakes were for school.

As, I was picking up last minute items. I realized that I was going to have to have the party tonight because tomorrow night they have a Girl Scout cookie workshop (ship! 4 girls selling cookies at once. Lord help me!) and we've postponed confession to right before the workshop.

So, we came home and I threw together those BBQ chicken cup thingies. I think they call them barbecups or something and quickly got her presents together and set the table for it. It was a success. lol

So after getting them all to settle down and go to bed after cake and ice cream, here I am.

Someone catch me before I hit the floor.

You don't know what you have 'til it's gone...

We ran out of propane the night before last. Exactly one day before the delivery of the next 100 gallons of propane.

It sucks.

No heat, no stove, no oven, no heat.

Of course temps dropped from the previous sunny and in the 60's to the low 20's. Luckily though we have it now. Tonight's high (low? I saw the number and just about passed out.) is supposed to be 13.

The heat has been running for an hour and we are up to 63 degrees inside. I'll post more once my fingers have thawed. I know people left me some great comments and Hubs made a guest appearance. lol

"See" you when I've thawed (and Girl Scouts and Catechism are over. lol )

Let's call him Paddy...

So, I received paperwork from the fertility clinic the.very.next.day.

I was shocked. It was a thick envelope asking me about everything under the sun related to babymaking parts and activities. Uh. yeah. As Shrek would say in his pondering ogre voice: "Really, Really."

I'm embarrassed and worried because I don't know if I should be taking any special pills. I don't know what basal (see I had even typed BASIL- as in the herb) Body Temp is. I don't know what any of the things on that list are and I've NEVER tried to get pregnant.

Should I be reading books or something? One thing I have done is almost completely cut soda out. I had some last night when we went out to dinner but before that I hadn't had any in 2 days and before that we had gone out to McDonald's for dinner on Tuesday and I had a coke. Basically, I've only had soda when we've gone out despite the fact that I have a 12 pack in the fridge. I've been taking Vitamin C and B-complex. But that's it.

I feel like I'll go in and I'll be interrogated about what I have done to make this pregnancy possible and I'll sit there and say "Stopped drinking soda." and they will look at me like I am an alien and maybe laugh.

Maybe I'm just working myself up but I would liken it to an entrance interview at an ivy league university.

Interviewer: What have you done that would merit entrance into our school?
Me: I got up every morning and went to school.

Ya know? I'd be the total slacker loser, while the hardcore competition has been going on in the babymaking competition.

I don't know. I could have it all wrong. But it seems like I should be doing more, or I should be doing SOMETHING to prepare for this.

I've been looking at babies more often. Watching them. Remembering what they are like.

Meanwhile, Hubs is like the female. He tries to tone it down and he would deny it. But there's no denying that he wants one badly. He was going on and on about a little Hubs running around. All I could think is we both have HUGE heads and the biggest stubborn streak to beat out all others. But I knew how badly he wanted a kid when he brought out "the name".

I know I embarrassed him but he had a name people! I couldn't get out of him how long or when he decided on a name but he has one. Patrick but spelled the irish way with a D. All I could think of was Paddy. A boy named Paddy. Yeah. It is Hubs middle name and all. But... we aren't even pregnant and Hubs has a name and what if it doesn't happen? What if we can't get pregnant? Signs point to no reason why we shouldn't really. But isn't that the way it is for most infertile couples?

Are we an infertile couple? As far as we both know, everything is there to make a baby, there's just no way to get it together to make it happen by ourselves.

I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait and see if they laugh at me. In the meantime that is 14 days. 1-4. I don't even remember the last time Flo was in town and you would think I would at least be keeping track of that. But with the girl scout schedule (COOKIES), the therapy schedule, the catechism schedule (2 first communions and a first penance in less than two months now! That means a tilma to be decorated and 2 dresses to be sewn by moi.), snack schedule, eye appointments, teeth appointments, adoption paperwork, (adoption in early april maybe?), math club,and our first wedding anniversary (March) looming (Hubs has already started planning, yikes! What am I going to do with PAPER???) etc..etc... I forgot to write it down.

Am I total loser or what?

Menu Plan Monday

Happy Monday!

Last week I had meatloaf and chicken teriyaki on my menu. I never made it to the store to get more hamburger so in the place of meatloaf I made this yummy Pot Roast I've been meaning to share with everyone for months.

This stuff is amazing. I get it from Costco and let me tell you...YUM! Hubs loves to go to Costco for the samples and we sampled this. I'm not much for samples, but this...I actually told the lady I was going to take a second one and she said for me to go for it. LOL!

It's so easy to make too! It's boil in a bag. If it's defrosted it takes 30 minutes and if it's frozen you just double the time. One roast feeds all seven of us healthy portions and it just falls apart. There's even plenty of gravy left over to spoon over mashed potatoes or to add over your roast.

Second, I didn't end up making the teriyaki chicken because we went out to dinner. So without further ado, here is this week's menu.

Monday- Teriyaki Chicken Stir-fry over steamed white rice.

Tuesday- Cheesy Green Chili and Potato Soup.

Wednesday- Herb Roasted Turkey Sandwiches and chips. (Girl Scout and Catechism Day)

Thursday- Shredded BBQ Chicken Cups (Shredded Chicken, simmered in BBQ Sauce and placed in Flaky Layers Buttermilk Biscuits. Baked in the oven)

Friday- Meaty Red Chili served with Green Chili and Cheese Corn Bread.

Saturday- Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans.


Sunday- Stuffed Hamburgers (Hamburgers with cheese cooked inside) and Mojo Potatoes.

For more incredible Menus, click here!

A tale of two meltdowns

Boy has today been up and down. We start off bright and early with CDQ having a major meltdown. She was in the bathroom and strawberry shortcake had to go so she told CDQ to only do her hair (apparently CDQ likes to stare at herself for long stretches of time).

CDQ didn't like that so she simulated punching a fist into her other hand and then lifted her fists to strawberry shortcake(SS). When SS came to tell me about it CDQ denied it and said she was just cracking her knuckles (which I hate) and then I immediately knew she was lying. I told her she was and then she started the fake crying.

At this point I had it. They hadn't even had breakfast yet. I told her to just go on and do her fake feeling sorry for herself crying and get it over with. She flew into a full tantrum where she even tried to get Poufy in trouble.

I took Poufy out of the room and CDQ started screaming. I gave everyone else breakfast and cranked up radio disney. She screamed louder. We were hitting the half hour mark when she started kicking my walls.

I was beyond had it. The Ca social worker had told me to put them outside when they did that, but well I don't know if that is something I should do, I don't think it would work with that child.

I decided to try the therapeutic hold that the new therapist showed me how to do for the boy. It worked. It took about 10 minutes and she so milked it. She kept saying "help" and "it hurts" but I know neither was warranted especially since she was limp in my arms and I had no need to hold her tight against me. I just restrained her arms loosely so she wouldn't lash out at me. The way the therapist taught me is if they are really thrashing you have to hold them tightly.But she was loving the attention from having me there and away from everyone else.

I kept asking her if she was done yet and if it hurt any,you think it would have stopped sooner, no? She irritates me because she is so attention hungry. We give her positive attention but she wants negative. That is what truly makes her happy.

When she was done I told her I was going to leave her for 10 minutes to pull herself together and then she could come out and have breakfast. When I went to get her, she was eerily normal and even happy...huh? I don't get it.

Then right before church, the boy decided he was going to take a stab at showing what he's made of. He threw a total tantrum. I didn't use the hold on him. I was way to pissed to go near him.

Here's a replay.

me: Hey, you guys get out some cute jeans. They can have stuff on them (they aren't allowed to wear embellished jeans at school, school uniforms only.) just make sure they are nice.

the boy: What Sasha?

me: Not you boy.

I had already told the boy he was going to wear his dress pants with his Christmas sweater. I did not see this as something for a 6 year old to tantrum about. I went on handing out the sweaters I had bought for the girl's to wear to church. It was too cold for them to wear dresses.

I guess the boy wasn't happy that I hadn't noticed him so he escalated. I hit the roof and told him unless he wanted to wear butterfly jeans and a girl sweater, I had no idea what he was crying about. I reminded him what he had picked out to wear.

He bawled even louder.

I told him to go to his room and take a nap. Not really doable without missing church, but I had no idea what else to do. He seemed like he needed a nap. Well, that started the whole screaming "I wanna go to church" then the kicking. I told him to get in his room and the screaming was even louder.

Meanwhile the girls continued to get dressed. I decided that if the boy wanted to act like a baby then I would treat him like a baby. He wasted his getting ready time tantruming and by the time it was time to go he had calmed down. I took him to church in his Pj's. I told him to get his shoes on and put on his jacket and off we went.

He was mortified.

On a happier note, they were little angels at church and for that we took them out to IHOP where they thanked us and insisted they loved us forever and ever.

The end to a crazy day but good at any rate.

Helpless

This is going to be a long one and it's not going to be pretty.

Let me start from the beginning. Saturday-- I wasn't feeling well, just really tired. What was supposed to be a cat nap turned into a 3 hour nap.

Hubs had the kids cleaning up the kitchen and he fed them lunch and kept them occupied while I slept on the couch. Yep, I slept through all that. That's how tired I was. I had a dream. It was one of those dreams Kether. A car accident dream. The last time I had these dreams my best friend was killed in a car accident.

We were in a car accident and someone hit us. I know I jumped in my sleep because I felt it and I awoke slightly but did not completely wake up.

I thought today was the last day for the Christmas tree recycle program (I know I still had my tree outside where I dumped it on the 2nd.) I was dreading driving but I was dreading chopping up the tree myself with a handsaw (I've done it for 2 years and it sucks!). As I was coming home, I felt sick and so irrational. I kept seeing a car accident in my mind. They are like flashes. I scolded myself. I thought I was somehow remembering what I used to see when I got those flashes. I even told myself outloud to cut it out because it "wasn't even the same accident".

I told myself I was just sick. When I got home, I didn't even eat dinner because I felt awful.

Flashforward to this morning 12:45 am. I was pondering chore charts and posting when my phone rings. I freaked out because I had put the phone on do not disturb. I had put Hubs in bed about an hour before and when I walked by the machine to get him a glass of water, I saw the cats needed water. So I got the cats water and debated on turning off the do not disturb and decided not to.

I jumped up and answered it. It was my sister that I despise. The kids mother. At first, I thought she was calling about something about the kids. Which she's never done. It was just her tone. She took forever to tell me about the accident. My sister, P (her fiance) and my two nephews (I and E) were in a car accident and were in ER.

She made it sound like P and I were dying. I pulled the phone number out of her and hung up. I called ER. They told me it was late and I told them I was sorry and I was calling from another state. She said she would try to put me through. I was put through to a nurse. Where I got "disconnected".

I tried to call back and got the same lady I started with. She said that T's father just called and that he was rude and said he didn't have a daughter in my state. I told her he doesn't- he's my ex-stepfather. I told her he's an asshole and I am sorry that he was rude to them. She stammered and said what? I told her again. He's an asshole. I'm sorry. She chuckled told me she gathered that from over the phone and put me through to the nurse. The nurse then personally lent my sister his phone.

She seemed in shock. She said they had gone out for baskin robbins and they had a green arrow and a woman slammed into them on her side. She said the tires are off of their suv and that the air bags didn't deploy. An off duty officer saw the whole thing. She said they were all wearing their scapulars.*

They were still there because they were waiting for her results. Everyone else was ok. "I" has a huge lump on his head and she has to wake him up every two hours to make sure he is ok. She was having hip pain and she thought it was from the seat belt.

*breathe*

They are ok.

I am so thankful and angry, I feel helpless and full of rage all at the same time.

I am thankful that they are ok. I am angry because they are stuck at the hospital. My baby sister called the kids mother because now she is the only one with a car. She called her to ask her if she could go pick up T and P and the kids and she told her that "they were just trying to use her." Do you know how hard I could sock a bitch right now? Seriously. I feel like I could put my fist through her skull. Please don't try to preach to me either. I don't mean to offend but really, you have no clue.

I feel helpless because I can't go pick them up. I can't help them at all. I am stuck. All of them are injured in some form and I am here. She's come out to help me when we needed it and all I can do is pray. Which I know is helpful but how are they going to get home? Her purse is in the car. I don't even know if they have the money for a ride home. I couldn't even get money to them in an instant to get a ride home. Who is going to take care of them? Let them sleep? Watch the kids? I feel bad and helpless.

I'm rageful..if you don't like cuss words stop here.

That motherfucking piece of shit loser. Yeah he doesn't have a daughter in this state but he has a girl that he molested and took advantage of in this state who is looking to find out if her SISTER is ok. Mark my words HECTOR RUBIO. YOU WILL PAY for all you have done. You will pay for molesting me. You will pay for the death of Bella. You will pay for the suicide of Cindy. You will pay for the damage you have done to your children and grandchildren. YOU WILL PAY!

I bet it just irks you that I'm the one thing you've touched that hasn't turned to shit. I know it did back in the day. OH how you tried to BREAK me. How you tried to CLAIM me. How you took advantage of my innocence and naivety. How you tried to convince me to allow you to be my FATHER. How you insinuated that you were acting as a FATHER would to me. Does a father pin his "daughter" down and rub all over her? Even when she is BITING him with all her might and screaming for him to GET OFF HER??? Does a "father" kiss his 6 year old daughter so hard that his teeth push her lips apart and she tastes him? DOES HE? Does he sit on her bed while she is sleeping when she's NINETEEN years old? Does he not correct his coworkers when they mistake her for his WIFE? DOES HE?

I don't know how to love huh? I'm cold and heartless, huh? Well FUCK YOU from the bottom of my heart. You're just mad because I wouldn't love you the way you wanted me to. I wouldn't let YOU IN. What you didn't know was that girl you tried so hard to break was already gone and tucked away somewhere where you and no one else could get her. Waiting until she was safe to come out. So you LOSE! She's ALIVE and well and LOVING with all her heart. PROTECTING other kids from PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

You thought you were so smart didn't you? You still think you got away with it don't you HECTOR RUBIO? No court on Earth will punish you the way God the FATHER almighty will.

My FATHER will take care of you and you will get what you so richly deserve HECTOR RUBIO.

I'm done with that topic...moving on...

The scapulars. We are Catholic. I've always had my faith even when the church pushed me away. I'm not entirely inline with the Catholic church but it's what I choose. I've been gently guiding my family (what's left of it.) to try and rediscover their faith. Now that they are older and can understand and make an informed decision.

When T asked me to be E's Godmother I made sure it happened. I made sure that "I" was included as well. My baby sister was supposed to be I's Godmother but she hasn't made her first holy communion or been confirmed.

It was a huge surprise to me when I asked T what she wanted for Christmas and she told me she wanted a complete Pieta book and scapulars for all of them. I got online as soon as she left and started searching. I had found a place but hadn't placed the order yet.

Meanwhile, Wal Mart had a roll back on the storage drawers and ours near our house were out. So I drove to the next town and picked up what I needed. On my way out there was a bad car accident that redirected me.

I am totally directionally challenged. I ended up heading deeper into the other city instead of back towards mine. This led me to a traffic standstill right in front of the only catholic store in both towns. I decided to turn in rather than sit in traffic.

I got her the scapulars she wanted, the pieta book, a book about the meaning of the scapular, a book about the meaning of mass and the catechist of the catholic church. I also picked up mostly the same things for my baby sister and a scapular for my mom.

What I failed to mention was that my sister, her fiance and my baby sister are all going to go to classes so that they can make their first holy communion and confirmations. I'm doing everything I can to encourage them to at least see if it is something they want. I'm really so happy because it's just amazing to see how living your life in your faith can affect others and nudge them to want faith for themselves.

Even Hubs was an atheist when I met him and he changed all on his own. I never even talked to him about it. At least not the beliefs but the religion itself and the people. All I say is do not let people turn you away from God. A lot of time people turn their backs on God because of organized religion. Humans are running the churches. That's all I have to say.

The scapulars are a form of protection for the wearer. It is the Blessed Virgin Mary who protects us as every mother protects their children. Some people think it's a ticket to heaven but it's not. lol

Anyway, I'm glad I've got all that off my chest. I'm glad they are ok. This is probably going to be the longest post ever. Sorry guys.

She's #1...

on the waiting list.

The oldest is number 1 on the waiting list for Catholic School. Hopefully at least one more child will either move away or change their mind about where they want to go to school.

Is that a bad thing to hope for?

Keeping my fingers crossed.

There's even KOALAS Hubs, KOALAS!!!

I've had the longest sleepless night of my life. I don't know what crawled up Ava and Dellyne last night but...ARGH!

All night long! Up and down with their barking incessantly at the air. They were sleeping soundly inside until I decided I had done enough and could go to sleep already. At first, I thought it was someone outside. After checking, there was nothing.

Then I thought maybe they needed potty breaks. But after letting them each out three times...separately...no. That wasn't their issue.

At around 3:30 and the third and final time of letting Dellyne out, I sat on the sofa to wait for her and fell asleep. I woke up just shy of 4:30 to find that she had decided to run off on me. I got in the van to go find her and ended up freezing with no dog to show for it.

Ava had been begging to be let out so I had let her out while I went to look for Dellyne. When I got home, that son of a biscuit licking dog was out there with Ava running around, having the time of her life! I could've killed.

We slid and slipped our way into the house (there is still snow out there) and I put Dellyne back in her kennel and Ava laid out on the floor. This time, I pulled my blanket out and got ready to lay on the couch. As soon as I had snuggled down, I heard Ava get up and leave the room. At this point we are looking at about 5:15 am. I get the kids up and 6 am for school.

About 5:18 am, Dellyne starts trying to flip her kennel and barking again. I yell for her to shut up and go to sleep but no...she does it until about 2 minutes before the alarm goes off. Well maybe 5, because it was enough time for me to throw her butt out in her kennel and come inside and snuggle down just in time for the alarm to go off in my bedroom.

I've vowed that those two will remain outside even if an icy winter blizzard ( I don't think we get those) comes through town. After all the dog next door, the dogs across the street and many more out in the world all stay out in all kinds of weather. no?

Anyway, my point and I did forget I had one, is that during that hour stretch where I dozed off and Dellyne ran away, I had the strangest dream. The neighbors cats have really been coming over and killing rabbits in our yard. They have been leaving various parts all over the place. It is sooo gross.

Well my dream was that I put out rabbit traps. I think they probably should have been cat traps but they were rabbit traps and I forgot to check them. When I remembered, there was a rabbit that was trapped in the cage and three other rabbits and two koalas trying to get the poor bunny out.

At first, I thought they were all rabbits and in the dream I was telling Hubs there were stuck rabbits and I was going to have to go free them. Nevermind the fact that they were huge animated rabbits that looked like they had stepped out of a Wii game. But then, one of them turned around and it was a koala! I told Hubs: "There's even Koalas out there!" He had no reaction or at least not a good enough one for me so I said "Koalas!" He murmured "really?", because in my dream he was actually sleeping!

Then I woke up and realized I fell asleep and panicked about the dog. I have no idea where the koalas came from. But it was interesting...to me. lol

Are there any dream interpreters out there who would like to take a stab at this one?

Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays!!!

Holy cow!

I just realized I have back to back birthdays until March!

The oldest has her birthday on Feb. 23rd. She'll be 12.
Then Strawberry Shortcake has hers March 5th and she'll be 9.
But before that CDQ has her birthday on Feb. 29th and will be 8.
Before all that Poufy will have her birthday this month on the 18th and she will turn 7.

*phew*

So for now I have two 6 year olds (Poufy and the boy), then for what? about a month I will have two 7 year olds (Poufy and CDQ). Then for about a week I will have two 8 year olds (CDQ and Strawberry Shortcake) and then Strawberry Shortcake will turn 9.

By the end of the first week of March I will have 12, 9, 8,7,and 6. The boy doesn't turn 7 until November.

Did you get all that? lol

Works For Me Wednesday -Backwards Day

Ok, my question to you, blog buddies, is how do you reward your children?

The kids got a Wii for Christmas as a well as an Easy Link and I am trying to figure out how to reward them with time on these items because they seem to motivate them the most when it comes to behaving and doing chores and homework.

I've tried to use incentive charts and reward stars on the charts that accumulate and can be used for rewards or saved. I've tried to use Reward tickets that entitle the user to some pre-agreed upon reward.

I have 5 kids ages: 6-6-7-8 and 11. But they act more like 2-2-3-4 and 7.

HELP!

If you have a question you would like to ask or have some great tips to share, visit Shannon here!

Overwhelmed!

Not entirely in a bad way...actually not in a bad way at all.

I mean I just paid almost all the bills. I've discovered that our registration is up and somehow our car insurance has lapsed . I have to admit, we have Triple A and so far it sucks. The rep we had made a total mess of everything. I think he cancelled our stuff and wrote down that we called in and did it. Argh! I have yet to call them and I am dreading it.

Which is odd because I had them for roadside assistance and all that and I loved it. Maps and discounts and all that stuff. Loved.it. Ahhh, too bad.

===================================================================
I called to see if my oldest got into Catholic school today. Still no word, I had to leave a message. For some reason that all makes me tense. It's almost like I am waiting for my own admission letter. lol But I know she needs it (as do the others) badly. The structure they can provide is just priceless and sadly the public school has their hands tied to be able to do anything that these children would really need.

But I am praying that she gets in and gradually someway some how we will get all 5 in, eventually. It's expensive but then when you really look at it, it's not. Does that make sense? I believe it's an education that every child deserves. The levels that they teach at and the accountability. Stuff that I know some of the public school teachers wish they could do but instead are teaching for a test.

I have to keep telling myself to just breathe. That's how important and pivotal I think this decision is going to be in our lives and it's almost like the religious aspects of going to the Catholic School would just be a bonus!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I've started research from the wonderful and totally appreciated advice of MommaOfMany on Reactive Attachment Disorder. Just from going to the Mayo Clinic online I can see that the kids definitely have signs of this both inhibited and disinhibited. I'll have to bring it up to their therapist after a little bit more research but I think this is what they have along with a few other disorders.

In the same vein. I *heart* the new therapist. The old therapist was ok. But I love that we have goals and plans and that the kids know what to expect when they get there. For instance, I guess I'll call my 8 soon to be 9 year old Strawberry Shortcake (SS), SS had her appointment yesterday and she was so excited because she was going to do some drawing and play with the dollhouse. Just the fact that she knew what she was going in to seemed to set her mind at ease. I could tell a lot of the nervousness and jitters were almost completely gone.

I also love that there is actual dialogue between Hubs and I and the therapist. She actually offers solutions and ideas for almost everything that we talk about. Plus, she seems to be trying to diagnose the kids rather than just letting things slide by. I don't know exactly what the other therapist was doing exactly, it seemed like pulling teeth to try to get him to say anything much less commit to anything.

The other thing that interests me, is that the new pediatrician recommended this therapist and when I called her she had only one opening. As of today, she is seeing 3 of the kids. As the weeks have progressed. She had a child who had a change of placement and a child who had surgery so they were transferred or put on hold for now which opened up spaces for our kids. Today we find out if she will have openings for our last two. It seems like we will because she tried to contact the person and their phone number has been disconnected. Divine intervention, perhaps?

This new therapist has helped me to relax a little because I finally feel like we are getting help. Before, I felt like things were just in a continuous downward spiral. I can actually see changes in SS and she's only had 3 sessions. Plus, she gave me a tip and demonstration for the Boy when he has his next tantrum. I just feel like we are accomplishing something.

=================================================================

Lastly for this post because I fear I've already dumped too much of my brain in this post.

Hubs and I have a fertility consultation on the 28th. The day before my 32nd birthday.

This is what overwhelmed me this morning, like the final straw, so to speak. It's not bad...

I expected to call and make an appointment to have a consultation. You know, be presented with procedures that are available to us and what they entail. A discussion on costs, etc...

Uh. No.

There will be discussion, but *I* will be having an ultrasound that day and more than likely there will be labs that day as well.

I'm freaking out a little.

Just because I thought we'd have more time to mull over which procedures and if it's even feasible given our finances (I need another job!) before we jumped into it all. I'm probably the opposite of most people who go there. They probably have been wanting children for years and were ready like yesterday. But I really want to know what the hell is going on before I jump in with both feet and I feel like I have no choice.

Maybe it will be different then what I am now thinking.

It's just right after they asked me my name they asked me my age. When they asked why we were looking into fertility I told them Hubs was a quadriplegic and they sort of skimmed past that. She told me the cost of the first consult and that I would be having an ultrasound that day.

What bugs me is that--well, given that I've never tried to conceive, why are they starting with me? If Hubs isn't producing any sperm, what is the point of checking me? I'd be all for it if we knew that Hubs had viable sperm already because it would be my luck that everyone in my family can look at a man and get pregnant and I couldn't but...why is this falling on me first? I know something to ask the Doc.

*breathe*

Ok, that's it for now. I need a glass a water and to get back to mindlessly cleaning my house.

Even though I am overwhelmed, things are looking up.

Tackle It Tuesday

This Tuesday I tackled the mountain of Christmas lights that I stupidly thought I was "stacking" together. When I went to pick the top set up it turned out to be a huge bundle of light sets. ARGH!

I eventually got all 15 sets seperated, as well as the three sets of larger snow flake lights. I couldn't have done it without the help of this here Hershey Bar...540 calories later, I had a tote packed and ready to store. I will never "stack" Christmas lights again!

What did you tackle today?

For more tackles click here! While you are there, why not wish Jackson a Happy 6th Birthday!

Is anybody else fed up???

I don't know everything that Hillary's done or not done or do I really care I guess. I'm not saying I back her or anything but what I am saying is that I am royally pissed with the sexist BS.

I'm sick of the offensive jokes and name calling because she is a woman. "Iron my shirt", "Don't vote for a bitch", "Not another Bush"...

WTF?

Everytime I've been called a bitch, it's because I was right and I won and there was no real argument left for the a$$wipe who called me that. And unless we shave or whatever...don't we all have bushes? Some maybe have a twig and berries in their bush but it is still a bush no less. eh?

Whether you are a man or a woman, republican, democrat, liberal or whatever. The treatment of Hillary because she is a woman is offensive and wrong. If they want to attack her, leave her sex out of it. Attack her for her actions and decisions or choices but not for something as lame as her being a woman.

It concerns me about the maturity of the people who are running and the people who are voting. Self interest is at the forefront and not really what's in the best interest of the whole. Labels are more important than issues.

It's all a really bad joke. Sort of like the word "sovereign" when it comes to Native Americans and their land or I guess I should say "nation".

Menu Plan Monday

Monday- Chicken with Rice Soup
Tuesday- Salt Crusted Rib Roast, Baked Potatoes and Corn
Wednesday- Lil Smokies and a Flour Tortilla
Thursday- Dinner Out
Friday- Teriyaki Chicken and Steamed White Rice
Saturday- Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans
Sunday- Chinese Chicken Salad

That's my menu for the week. I can't wait to see what everyone else has planned. For more menu planning, click here!

They are gone...

Yesterday my sister came in to pick up her son, I, whose been vacationing at my house for the past two weeks. They left about half an hour ago.

We stayed up all night while I tried to finish up a project that I wanted her to take with her and she played with the Wii. But I was about 3 minutes shy from getting it completely done. She offered to stay but I didn't want to cause any conflicts between her and her fiance or whatever he is exactly.

I do have to say that I get pissed though. They were here for Easter because the kids were being baptized and I asked if Easter dinner at 4:30 was fine and I was told it was. I got up at the buttcrack of dawn to make dinner and had it on the table at 4:3o to which he was ready to pack everyone up and take off. They ended up staying but there was a fight between them about it.

Then they came up for Christmas dinner. We had dinner at 1 pm because they had to leave. I wasn't too happy about that because I am tired of racing and not enjoying anything or being able to take part in any of the event because I am laboring in the kitchen.

I don't begrudge them the fact that it's a 10 hour drive. Really, I know driving sucks and I know he does it by himself because my sister doesn't drive. But I get upset because I know if he were at his family's house there wouldn't be the rushing to leave. That there... that's what pisses me off. They prolong the getting here (10 pm this time) and then leave as quickly as they came (6 am). At least my other nephew, E, had slept all the way so he was up almost the whole time we were and I got to give him the big boy underwear I bought him and spend some time with him.

These boys are not just my nephews but they are my Godsons too. I feel I have very little time with them. Although I had "I" for two weeks and I am happy he's on his way home now, it doesn't seem like enough time. I am worried about my sister as well. She's not happy. I have suspicions that's part of the reason for the rush off. I don't care if he's standing in front of me. I will tell my sister how it is and how it should be. As in if you are not happy, you need to re-evaluate if this is what you want. Not tell her what to do.

I had to run out to the store tonight and she came with me. She said something that struck me as odd. She said "now I am making my own money." I can't remember, it was about buying something. It worries me about how my sister is living and what my nephews environment is. I don't think it's anything like what my other nieces and nephew endured. Nothing like that. More like control and repression of the female in the household. If you know what I mean.

I hope my sister gets a backbone and opens her eyes. I don't think her fiance is a bad person but I don't really know him. What I do know is that my sister isn't happy and I just hope she isn't settling.

She can see clearly now

Here's Pouf! I've decided to call her that since her hair is always one big Poufball. She lost her front tooth (toof!) two days ago and we just picked up her new glasses today. She's actually excited about them.

They said by the time she is 12 she will be a candidate for contacts and when she hits 20, lasix will be recommended.

I was surprised at how much she couldn't see. After we picked up her glasses we went to Costco to grab some pizza for dinner. As we drove by places she was exclaiming: "I didn't know there were lights there!", "That's a real Chuck E. Cheese's!, I didn't even know we had one!"

There weren't any indications that we could see (no pun intended) that she couldn't see.

I have two more that will more than likely need glasses. As a matter of fact I know CDQ will need them. It's crazy but I'm glad we are catching this early. I was there when they did the basic eye test during their physical and I thought they were messing around and purposely missing the letters because they were doing so bad on the test.

However, there's actually a machine that can read the kid's eyes at the eye doctor and he basically said kids can't fake it anymore. As I watched Pouf! retake the test at the eye doctor's I was facing her and could see how hard she was trying and see how she was missing letters. It was crazy.

I can't help but think of all the problems these kids have both mentally and physically and think that my sister honestly believes that she has no part in this. That the fact that Pouf's lenses are too long and she can't see doesn't have anything to do with how she didn't take any prenatal and only ate ice while she was pregnant so she wouldn't get fat. How can some people think that, think those things?

It makes no sense to me.

Sisterly Love

Can't you tell how much they love ME? LOL!

I had to try them on right away, hence the tag still attached. Can you believe Smudge (the black cat) is 2 years younger than Purries (calico). She's massive next to her. Poor girl.

Is it over yet?

So guess what I did to welcome in 2008 with a bang??

I slept through it. Hubs said they tried to wake me, but I swear I didn't hear them or the ball drop.

I have to admit, I'm beat. I cooked all day and ran all day and can I just say I am so glad 2007 is over.

2007 kicked my @$$. It's been the hardest year of my life and even then not so hard. But I don't like hard. Especially when it's created by someone else.

In 2007, I realized that my life sucks and yet it doesn't. I'm still so lucky and blessed and spoiled. I realized that even though my mother is alive. She really isn't. In realizing that, I also realized that I have lost my mother this year and in thinking that, realized, I never really had a mother.

2007 also made me realize that I have no true family, just as these kids had no family. Together we are going to be a family. Some how, some way, I've gotta make this happen.

It's the strangest thing, because I think Hubs has come to the realization as well, that he didn't have much of a family either. Yet, somehow, we misfits came together for some reason.

I was watching Joyce Meyer the other night. I know I am strange but I always feel that my friend Karlton is sending me messages through her. Whenever I do catch her it's like she's speaking just to me and what I am going through at the moment. She's always spot on. She had me cracking up because she was talking about how early on she would have fits and tantrums when things didn't go right and she would quit.

I've done that so many times over the last year. So. Many.Times. I've cussed God out for not being there for me and for making *me* go through all this because it was just toooo much. Anyway, Joyce is saying how she was on her knees crying and moaning that she finally really quits when she said she heard the Holy Spirit say "Really, are you finally going to give me a chance to do something?"

Her point was that we often expect things. We know that we have a calling or at least we figure out what our calling is and we have expectations of making it happen on our time. But we can't. God has reasons and he has his own time and we have to let Him be in control. The harder we fight to make things come to fruition, the more frustrated we get about spinning our wheels.

In 2008, I have many expectations and plans but I am going to try to keep in mind, it's not entirely in my hands or on my time but it's in God's hands, on his time.

I don't really have any resolutions but I have two big "plans" that I will try to pursue this year. Graduate School and Babies. Well one baby to be exact, a child of our own if possible. (I've been working on a baby post but finding it hard to find the right words)

So, goodbye 2007, hello 2008 and can't wait to see 2009 around the corner!

Happy New Year Everyone!