Are They For Real?

Yesterday I went in to make an appointment to see the assistant principal at the public school. I took with me Nancy Thomas' letter to the teacher so that she could read it before we met.

I was scheduled to meet her later on that same day. She didn't show. For the second time in her two year tenure, she's scheduled an appointment with me and didn't show. Instead she had the principal fill in for her.

He had not read the letter. In fact, he adamantly stated he would not read it until I had a letter from the kids doctor saying they had been diagnosed with RAD. Are you flipping out, because I did. Pissed doesn't adequately describe what I felt at that moment. How dare he? I mean, by the number of times he checked his watch, it was clear that I was meant to scoot along quickly.

He went on to say that anyone can turn anything in and say their child has this disorder or that disorder and it not be true. Ok...so I'm a liar and I want my kids to have RAD of all the fucking disorders in the world? Maybe I am taking it too personal. But that letter describes the tip of the iceberg compared to what I go through on a daily basis. That's why every word of it is so important to me.

When I told him they had PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder and if he wanted a copy of their neuropsychological evals. He froze. It seemed he was panicked and asked if the school was meeting their needs in those documented areas. Because see, he either thinks I am stupid or knows I am not. I know how they work.

School is no longer about an education. It's about numbers and funding. I worked for a school district, which was the only school district in the entire town- we had all the schools K-12. I was that person who distributed and collected those special tests for No Child Left Behind. I was the one who worked on Academic Yearly Progress (AYP). I know how "important" these numbers are and how they try to change them up a bit for funding.

I know he needs my kids. He needs them in his special grant programs, he needs them in their desk every morning by a certain time to get funding. He needs to meet the laws that say he needs to accomodate all children because he is a public entity or he's in trouble.

He's just toeing the line, getting by, doing the minimal. I'm disappointed. I thought he was good. I thought he cared and that the kids mattered. But I see he's just trying to keep a job. They've had turn over for so long the kids were surprised to see the same principal this year and asked me if he was supposed to leave yet.

Wanna hear a couple of funny things? After he asks me for paperwork with a diagnosis (which I don't have), he tells me I shouldn't be so free with this "confidential" stuff. I told him that I wasn't seeing that my kids had gone to school there for three years already and this is a first, I don't want my kids to be labeled. I tapped the paper in front of him and I said "This...this is important and I need help. That's why you are seeing it." For those who know me in person, I will rarely ask for help, they know this. (Not to confuse it with any work positions because when it comes to being a manager I am all about delegating and teamwork and open communication.) Only if I am at the end of my rope and have no other choice. It's something I am working on and so far everytime I have asked for help I've been threatened and had the door shut in my face, so to speak. So much for that.

Then he went on to say that he's had interactions with me and knows that I am an honest and straightforward person and that he always knows where I stand.

W.T.F.?

Because if you'll remember "anyone can just say that their kids have whatever disorder" right?

Also, that doesn't butter me up. His summary of me wasn't news to me because that IS who I want to be and what I want people to know about me and who I work to be everyday of my life.

Excuse me, ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, so I have called the psychiatrist and I guess we are going to start the boy on meds for RAD since he isn't sleeping and has the same symptoms as CDQ but he has more violent tendencies. Then I can get him his "diagnosis" and the prinicpal can file it in his confidential area where the sun doesn't shine AFTER he reads it.

Back-To-School Night

Bear with me, I am exhausted, disappointed, pissed off, and in awe. At least those are the feelings I can identify right off the bat.

Tonight was Back-To-School night at the private school. Little did I know it meant it was an "adult" back to school night, as I felt that I had just stepped back into high school.

I was nervous because I was going in this blind. The people who were supposed to help me with the GS thing bailed. Not a biggie but as I drove to the school I wondered, should I have asked council for help? I still don't know the answer but it went well.

As soon as I walked in the school, I saw it. Tight groups of frenemies friends, downward glances, etc... You think I am talking about the kids, don'tcha? Nope. This was an adult affair. Don't bring the kiddos.

I approached the first table and inquired about the GS table. I was immediately told the troop was fullsosorry... Without the "so sorry" part but I guess it was supposed to be implied from the singsong tone. I told her that I was the new troop leader. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe on the otherside." translation:"I'm done with you move on."

No prob, the stench of phony was too stifling for me anyway.

So across the building I go. I find out I need to get my own table. Still no problem. I park myself next to the refreshments thinking I have a prime location anyway.

Here's where I'm gonna be me and just say it. There were a lot of women with sticks lodged so far up their asses they couldn't even talk without a nasal intonation. Me, I prefer to talk, rather than sing and as far as I can tell when I speak, it doesn't look like I am in pain. (Hey, you...the one who is offended by this, look in the mirror because unless I am speaking of you it should not offend. Yep.)

Anyhow, a mother came up to me, asked me about the troop. I told her that I was the new leader. She looked down her long pointed nose at me. I told her that I was in Girl Scouts up until the leader level. (not to mention the fact that I have a few degrees and actual years of work under my belt compared to her hard existence of breathing in and out everyday.)

She asked what days, I told her the day. She said her daughter had gymnastics that day and looked at me like I should offer another day. I said "Too bad" and shrugged my shoulders and turned away to the next person. That's where my feelings of awe come in. I can't believe I did that. I mean, it's how I felt but it was probably unprofessional. But I don't want to deal with that woman. I saw the way she looked down at me.

I've seen those looks. I'm not white. I'm short, I look younger than I am. They think I can be manipulated. They think I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not enough like them. It's not imagined, it's true. I know it because I've lived this over and over again and not because of my own insecurities.

I've always been part of organizations that I shouldn't normally have been able to be part of. I push and I push to elevate myself and make myself involved to make a difference.

When I was in college, I was part of the Honors program. I distinctly remember going to a conference with three other girls. Girls from good families with money. Girls who didn't have to worry about food, tuition, nothing.

I sat in the car with them, one with her Mother Jones magazine talking about her donations and how it pissed her family off that she was so earthy and donating money to people who obviously needed to just get off their asses and do for themselves.

The girl in the backseat next to me agreed with her. They needed to donate to worthy causes because people need *their* help. They make the difference.

This could be true, I didn't care, if they had money to donate...more power to them. But then they started talking about Kosovo.

I didn't know what they were talking about and I distinctly remember being told "what rock are you living under?"

It took all of me not to tell them to fuck themselves because the rock I was living under was a full time grave yard job, multiple tutoring sessions at the college, not to mention the ones I was doing privately, and working for the IT department. Did I mention it was summertime and I was taking 18 units? I got less than two hours of sleep a day. I worried how I was going to help my mom pay the rent and utilities for my three sisters and my niece. I worried about grocery money. I worried about gas and car payments and real life. Kosovo couldn't exist in my world because I was fighting my own war for survival right in front of me.

But what did they know? They had their allowance direct deposited to their checking accounts that had been created long before they could sign their names.

I was reminded of all this tonight as I stood their amongst many phony people. Christians.

Then the sun shone through. I met this incredibly funny and down to Earth mother. She was signing up her daughter and like me she had been a girl scout up until leadership but she had been a leader for two years and she wanted to help!

I talked to her for 45 minutes before she had to go. I was so happy to meet a real person. After she left, the woman selling cards next to me, met my eyes and gave me a look and turned to watch the woman leave. She shook her head and looked back at me as if to say "trainwreck". Why?

It makes me sad. Why do people do these things? I stood there thinking about what a wonderful program GS is and how I just came from meeting so many powerful women at GS training and how, even as corny as it sounds, there is sisterhood and acceptance of everyone.

Maybe that's why the differences were so glaring. It's sad because I think of this great program to empower girls and to motivate them to excel and just open the world to them and then I see how the parents make the school their world and limit them to those walls where they can be special and important by the size of their house or how popular their parents are.

It's just sad. My goal this year is to rock their world. To break down those walls and give my girls in my troop as much of the world that I can. I am going to empower them and give them the knowledge to know the difference.

Wow! Has It Really Been That Long?

These days between blogging sure went by fast!

Well, the first week of school flew by fast. Funny enough the headline in the paper two days after my last post was that the bus agency was going to hire a security guard...go figure. Today when I left to drop the kids off at school the neighborhood kids were still standing out there, when I got back parents were taking them off to school. The bus company out here is the only one and it is independently opened. It sucks.

This morning Hubs got a call 5 minutes after school started. I wasn't quite home yet because we live about 7 minutes away. It was the boy's teacher. The boy said we weren't feeding him. He wanted to go to the cafeteria. I can think of some choice words to post here because of my anger. Hubs was even more pissed since he sits with them and watches them eat, trying to teach them to eat like civilized people and not like animals. Literally. If only you knew. Those with RAD kids know the grossness I am talking about.

At any rate, I started this post 4 hours ago. I thought I'd pop into my website account with The Oldest's School (where I am a troop leader) and add some Girl Scout Information, that was hours ago and I finally got a rough outline going of what I want. sheesh!

Back to school night is (now)tonight. I will be meeting parents as a GS leader for the first time. *blankly staring around the room* I hope I don't do that tonight. lol

I'll have to update about the house another time. Also, about Poufy's doctor appointment today. She may have Grave's Disease or Hashimoto's something or other. I'm not going to stress until her bloodtests come back.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Someone should've thought've this beforehand... UPDATED

Someone please explain to me how you (being they) have the whole summer to get your ducks in a row yet we (meaning me) get a phone call at 6 am telling us the first day of school will be delayed 2 hours because the buses are having issues. (this after I just found out they moved the school time to start at 9 am and end at 4 pm.)

All summer to fix the buses yet the morning of the first day of school. "Oopsies, bus isn't running so let's just start school later! See ya!"

Really what kind of message does that send our kids? Or more importantly what does that do to the hundreds of parents (me) who have planned this day ohsocarefully for three months?

My kids don't even ride the bus.

I guess other then the stress of trying to get ahold of the Realtor to reschedule the writing of the offer (which must be written today!) I've been spoiled by the Oldest's school. See, they are having a two hour delay in September. They've already let me know...last week. Plus, because they know what kind of hardship it can be for some parents they are offering free before school care for everyone.

That's what I call cool.



********Ok, so yet another year has gone by where the buses have been vandalized damaged. You would think they would put a guard or some kind of security out no? That's why school is late. But on the other hand it worked out better to meet the realtor because he wanted to touch base with the selling realtor before meeting with us.

On another note, this house thing is driving me up the wall. I don't remember stressing over the purchase of this house or the sale of Hubs house to move out here. I remember relief and happiness. lol Of course, his house sold literally the minute it went on the market. It sold the night before it was to be listed to the first person who saw it. I hope that happens again. lol

Anyway, that's where we are at. It also looks like Hubs and I might be able to go out for some brunch or something before the meeting. *sigh*

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to school they go!

Whoo Hoo! First day of school, FINALLY! *doing the happy dance* We survived!

After all the kiddos have been pushed out to the curb dropped off at school, Hubs and I drive onward to the realtors to draw up our offer for THE house. No, not putting much pressure on this particular house but oh would it be a miracle if they accept our offer.

I've pretty much talked myself out of it so much that I've already started looking for other houses. I can't find one with enough bedrooms. Every kid definitely needs their own room out of necessity, not want. I'm convinced it will cut down at least 50% of the BS going on around here.

At any rate, my nerves are racing to the point of aggravation because it's taking me forever to get anything done around the house since I want to keep running back here to my laptop to "just" check out this article or to reword my search for a new home for the gazillionth time. I have to keep putting myself in check and reminding myself there will be no other home if I don't get this home ready and sold. I have about a week to get it show ready. I think.

By the way, it is so frickin cold here I don't know whether to be happy or sad. First it was too hot, then it was beautiful and perfect and now? Should I dare say it, it's cold. But wait, if I got off my butt and quit googling and did some of the work I needed to around here I probably wouldn't be so darn cold.

Oh, and I am livid about my stupid budget. The healthy, not in need of any extra care or understanding of others needs have decided they are shifting people to another care option and until they figure out how to write a letter (from what I could gather) all initial care budgets are on hold. So we've been put on hold. They tell us until Tuesday and then we can play the waiting game while they sift through all the paper that has been sitting on their desk for three months waiting for this letter. Really, three.months.today. I've been laid off for three months. These people are unbelievable because think about it... If it weren't Hubs I was taking care of, what person could really wait three months for a budget?

Even I shouldn't have waited three months. If they don't have an answer by Tuesday I am going to have to go out and get a job where I leave my house and work certain evening or grave yard hours. I know most people do this (work outside the home) and I did for almost half of my life.

But it's stressful because if Hubs has issues (which he does everyday, it's a rare day when he's "good") I'm not here to correct it right away. Which it all needs to be corrected right away or he could die from a stroke brought on by autonomic dysreflexia. Plus, when I leave for a couple of hours to run errands (groceries, prescriptions, bank, etc...) the kids go haywire and the schedule just does not work. Hubs can't keep them under control. I come home and the next thing I know everyone's been grounded until they are 18. lol

So yes, very stressful. Not to mention, when would I sleep?

I'm afraid to start my consulting business up so soon because it will be like "Hey! I'm here for you when ever you want"... One month later, "uh, I gotta move, can't help you with that. Sowwy! " Not good for business.

Plus, what if there isn't any work in consulting any more?

ARGH! I feel my hair losing color as I type!

Have a good week everyone!

The Engineer's Guide to Cats

Enjoy!

Sometimes She Surprises Me

I was separating the kids new school supplies according to lists and such. When The Oldest came out and started reading all the supplies they needed. She was astounded by it all and my personal stash of school supplies that I pull out this time of the year.

I guess she didn't realize how much I was doing for her as well until she saw me in action. Typically, they are in bed already when I do this and they just take their supply filled backpacks to school where the teachers empty them out for them.

She surprised me because she asked me "How can you do all this? How can you buy them all this stuff and just be around them with the way they act and the way they treat you?" I was thrown off guard because my mind was immersed in spiral notebooks and blue pens NOT black so I asked her to clarify.

She said " I don't understand how you can keep going, being stuck with them all the time and how bad and mean they are. I'm not with them all the time and I can't stand them. I feel bad when I see them being bad and treating you bad."

Definitely news to me because up until school started for her she was hatin' on me too. I didn't know what to say so I just shrugged my shoulders and told her to pass me a glue stick.

Does This Ever Happen To You?

*Ring, Ring, Ring*

Hubs: "Hello?"
Me: "Hey! It's me. I'm going to stop at Sonic for a slush it's happy hour. Do you want anything?"
Hubs: "Well....I dunno."
Me: "Ok."
Hubs: "What are you going to get?"
Me:" I was thinking of a slush, maybe some mozzarella sticks. I'm not sure yet."
Hubs: "Well, I guess I'll have a (insert name of drink that is not happy hour priced.) and I'll share your mozzarella sticks with you."
Me: "Are you sure you don't want me to order you some?"
Hubs: "No, I better not."
Me: "Okkkay. Are you sure?"
Hubs:" Yeah."

Fast forward to home.

Hubs: "Can I have a taste?"
Me:"Sure."
Hubs *a couple of sticks later*
Me: "You know I could have ordered you some, you said you didn't want any."

Hubs does that to me all the time. He always wants to share mine instead of getting his own. Sometimes it aggravates me. lol

Today I ordered us both salty pretzels and cheese and brought them home. I guess I should say that most days Hubs and I only end up eating dinner and maybe a snack. My days are so hectic that as soon as I get the kids up and fed, I need to get Hubs up or visa versa. That leaves Hubs and I with no time to really eat until we all sit down at dinner. Sometimes Hubs has lunch with the kids. But happy hour at Sonic is like 2-4 or something and most times I'm stopping in after 3 pm and it will be the first food or drink that I eat. That's why it aggravates me. lol

Anyway, back to the pretzels. I found out that my cheese was only partially filled and I ran out of cheese before I finished my pretzel. Hubs on the other hand had cheese still. He noticed that I ran out and he casually mentioned to me that there was nacho cheese in the fridge that could be reheated. Wha?

I said it was ok because he still had cheese and we could share.

He was like "Nah, just heat up some cheese because I'm going to probably need more." So, I was like "No it's ok, I don't need your cheese. (teasing him/guilt trip)" he said reluctantly, "I'll share.". I said "No Thank you, I am fine without your cheese."

As he took more bites, I eased up on my pretzel. It was hilarious to me when he commented that he had a lot of cheese and was going to have a lot left over." I said "I know!" and then I burst into fits of laughter because I had "plans" for his cheese. See, I started giving him less cheese on his pretzel. Is it just me or isn't that genius? lol

I was wondering if stuff like this happens to you with your significant other or if it's just us two goofballs who do these things to each other?

At any rate, I had a good belly laugh.

Well, I Won't Do That Again...

Today was registration for the last 4 of my kids. They start school on Monday (WHOOO HOOO!!)

I thought I was oh so smart scheduling them all for 1 pm. "I'm oh so cool because registration for 4 kids is ONLY going to take me an hour!" Well, we get there and I realize that I have forgotten my planner with room numbers and directions. Crap.

At least I remember the teachers names, but uh oh! They haven't cleared the two new fourth grade teachers and a reading assistant will be administering the tests..but where?

We couldn't find her and didn't find her until 1:45. LATE! That's how long it took to drop off the other three but luckily the woman let her go ahead and test after some minor complaining. After all, I'm sure I was a sight, dripping sweat and out of breath because we walked to every corner of that school, no doubt and I had to do four separate orientations for each child. Good Times!

Some how we managed to make it through. SS was still testing so I decided to drop off the 3 others with Hubs and go back and get her and then head off for The Oldest. All I have to say is they weren't kidding when they said they try to have the campus cleared by 3:15. They get out at 3 pm and I arrived to pick her up at 3:09 and there were no cars there.

There were about 8 kids including mine and she told me they had just announced that the kids that were left would have to go to aftercare in a couple of minutes. I guess I should have prefaced all this by saying that this is a private school with 420 students and NO BUSES. Each child is picked up and dropped off. That's why I am so amazed at how organized and efficient they are when it comes to getting the kids in and out of there pronto.

After that we grabbed some things for a semi-impromptu End Of Summer/Back To School party of sorts. Hubs and I knew we wanted to do it but now that it seems as of tomorrow we will be moving forward with the sale of our house and buying a new one now that we have a lender, it's just going to get really hectic from here on out.

So the kids donned their swimsuits and ran the whole evening away until bedtime. They were so happy.

This shot slays me because it looks so bad but in the moment I took the pictures they were laughing and running and I never saw these expressions.

I put out a few things buffet-style and let them at it. Ignore the "construction" and crap in the background. I am still working and now have torn apart the house giving more stuff away, packing a little and deciding what to put in storage. Fun. (note sarcasm)

Why yes, that is a mini sundae bar set up back there. They had a choice between sundaes or cupcakes. I'm the only one in the house who had a cupcake. lol

I wish everyday could be like this. Where I can just say..."You know what? Let's forget about everything that needs to be done and just have some fun!" and we do and everything goes perfectly, no tantrums, no fighting, just plain fun and happiness. These are the best days but they are so hard to come by aren't they?

Proud Mommy Moment #1

Today CDQ had a major meltdown. Kicking, screaming, throwing things, etc... She put on a good show.

She was holding up dinner. I told her she could stay in her room until she could control herself and come back to dinner. She wasn't having it, so I sent her to her room instead of letting it be a choice. She went off. I told her if she didn't stop she would just go straight to bed. She kept sassing me and I told her I wasn't going to take it, good night.

She continued and the other kids were waiting to say the prayer to eat.

I gave up, I decided to call her on it and do what the social worker had suggested months ago. I took her outside. I told her if she wanted to put on a show for everyone and to keep embarrassing her brother and sisters she could just go outside and show the neighborhood kids (who all happened to be outside in front of our house riding bikes.) I told everyone else to start dinner and I had to drag her out and she totally changed her tune outside but not in a good way. She started to scream "I'm hungry!' over and over again. Lovely.

Fortunately, the neighborhood didn't seem to even care. But to her little narcissist self the WHOLE WORLD was watching. She kept demanding things from me and at first I was feeding into it for about 5 rounds of "I want to eat.", "I want a kid who doesn't throw tantrums." and the "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't know why you are in trouble." She couldn't do it. I finally said I wasn't going to hear her anymore. I was done.

I told her to walk to the end of the property and walk back. She argued so I nudged her forward and she kept looking back. The first time she was still bawling, the second time there was scowling and the third time there was sniffing. I met her the third time and we walked together the fourth time. She was calm enough for me to talk to her and I told her that she looked more like my CDQ now.

I asked her again if she knew why she was in trouble. She said she did and told me why. I asked her where the CDQ was that kept all those feelings in check and she said she didn't know. I told her that I had tried to help her and she wouldn't hear me. The whole time I had my arm around her as I talked to her. I told her that she almost broke her glasses and her headband and I can't understand why since I know how much she loves that headband. She looked really sad and she said "I know."

When we stopped back at the front of the house. I gave her a hug and it was so sad because she started crying again but as I hugged her I could feel her sobs and they weren't anger, but just pure pain. I rubbed her hair and told her it was going to be ok. I told her we don't like to see her sad or hurt and that we love her but she has to start realizing that she's hurting people.

I just don't get this RAD. I know she's in pain but I can't help much because I don't know why and she doesn't really seem to know why either. It sucks.

Before we came in, I told her that she had to apologize to her Dad and her brother (who she scared with her fit) and to let her brother know that she did something wrong and that it's not ok to act like that ( because Lord knows I don't need him to pick that stuff up from her!)

I also told her that I wasn't going back on what I said about dinner because I gave her plenty of warnings and a chance to cool off. I told her that I will make sure she has a little extra for breakfast though.

She came in and did just that, she brushed her teeth and got her pj's on and she was back to the old happy and bossy CDQ.

*phew*

We made it, the right actions and choices were made. I was so nervous to take her outside. But she kept pushing until I had no choice. But it all worked out in the end.

I Tried Really Hard

to have a good day yesterday. It was business as usual just taking pictures as I went about my day and completed tasks.

It was going well until the kids BROKE the back door frame. Yeah, the back door frame. How in the hell does one do that? My house is not a cardboard box. It's made of the best materials AND exceeds what most houses are made from. Hubs could give you a run down of the construction. But they broke the door. I lost it a little. When they asked what was for dessert. I laughed. Bad Mom!

C'mon, you know you would've laughed too.

Anyhow, I talked to a lender last night and while she was running my credit, etc... I was waiting for her to call back. Nerve wrecking. I decided, "Hey! Why don't I fix the tub faucet while I wait!?"

Dumb idea. At this point it is around 9 pm. I cut a hole in the kitchen wall to get to the pipes for the bathtub. I thought, "Not to bad, I can patch this easy." as I only cut a whole the size of my arm around so I could reach through and work.

Then I realized, "Hey! There's no water shut off to the tub, I'm going to have to shut off the water to the house."

*FROWN*

Ok, so flashlight and shovel in hand I search and dig in the last place I remember seeing the water cover. Found it in under 5 minutes. Whoo Hoo! The angels sing! It gets buried under sand easily so that was a miracle.

I turn off the water to the house. I install the new faucet and I run back out to turn it on. "Hmmm, the water is running, the faucet must be on." *turning cold water faucet* Nothin'

The cold water will not shut off. Let's just say after midnight, back and forth turning the water on and off that whole time, soaked to the bone and muddy, we came to the conclusion that there was no problem with the installation but a faulty faucet. *insert your favorite (or mine)four letter word here*

So I set my alarm for 5:15 am and I change out of my grungy clothes, remember there is ZERO water to the house, (I have to leave it off because the water will not shut off and there is no shut off inside) I get dressed and plan to just get up grab the faulty faucet and leave and that is what I did.

Thank God there was one faucet left at Home Depot. A lot of people there probably think I am crazy.

I ran home installed it. Woke the oldest up, she took a shower, I took a shower. Realized I had to get back in the dirt to turn on the water full force and cover the water access hole. Decided to fix the oldest breakfast first, only to find there was a bee in my kitchen. I hate those. *Really, insert my favorite four letter word here.* (sidenote, I wish I got paid a nickel for everytime I used it or thought it between yesterday and today. I could totally afford that other house and then some. lol)

So, I am off to drop the oldest off. Still trying to have a good day today. I meet with the lender this afternoon. I have to bring her all my paperwork.

Wish us luck and have a good day yourself ;-)

Tackle It Tuesday- The Update

Today Will Be A Good Day!

It will because I am just going to "Let go, and Let God". Last night I made a list of 13 things I hope to accomplish today. Laundry is at the top and I already have a load to fold, a load drying and a load washing. I am just going to focus on that and not the pile waiting for me :-)

The other stuff is fairly straightforward and easy. Maybe I'll post it here...you know what I will, accountability. Actually, I realized that as I typed this that it is Tuesday so I'm going to make this a challenge to myself to tackle it all today, hopefully most of it will be done by noon.

My list:

Laundry- So far five loads folded and put away. One in the washer, one in the dryer. I think I have 1 or 2 more after that. It's a small one since it's clothes from Friday up until now.

*****Living Room Screens (3)

Miter Broken Ceiling Mould (4)

I forgot to take a picture before I mitered so here are the broken pieces

and then the finished moulds

Finish last bits of flooring around the edges by the game room

Before:

After:

Put down carpet strip by game room

Before:

After:
******Separate all Papers from Master Bathroom floor

******Separate all Magazines from Master Bathroom floor

Pick up weeds that I pulled last night

Before:

After: That pile was bigger than I thought. It filled the whole trash can!

Get rid of rock of concrete from bag that got wet

Who knew that concrete was so fricken heavy in it's solid form! Just kidding, obviously it turned into two hunks of concrete. UGH!

Before:

After:
No wonder I couldn't move that hose. I tried to yesterday and then forgot what I was doing. lol


Put tires under the ramp



Before:
After: I guess I should have taken a picture of the tires under the ramp. But I liked this better. :-)

Stain wood bits

This is the wood that needs to be stained.

This is some of the wood that I had already stained. It needs a coat of polyurethane but I figured I do that part all at once. After, all are stained and polyurethaned

******Paint windowed wall and around front door

Remove curtain hardware from windowed wall AND Patch wall across from game room and windowed wall (I combined these two because once the hardware was taken down it needed to be patched. )

These are some of the parts that need to be patched.

After removal of hardware and patching,

Some of these things have to be done before others. The master bathroom part is trying to keep the kids out of the stuff I am sorting and they are not allowed in my room or bathroom. So that's what that is about. However. It sure makes for a messy bathroom. lol

Today was The Oldest first day of school. Whoo hoo! She seems to like it a lot, plus some how a lot of her attitude has started to melt away and she seems softer and more empathetic.

Alright, I better get to it, I still have to feed the kids and get Hubs up and into his chair.

I am excited about this tackle! I will be back to update as I move along.

For other Tuesday Tackles click here.

Let Me Off This Rollercoaster...

Ok, so we did not get to see the lender today and it looks like not tomorrow either. I left a message and he never called me back.

Bummer!

I talked to the realtor that sold the house next door. More bad news, house values are going down don't sell until next year when they put the freeway in.

Bummer!

However let me find a lender, you can borrow on this one and put that money down on the other until you are ready to sell. There are contracts, that's how the house next door sold. I'll call you, you call me. Bye!

*flicker of hope*

Later today, I talked to the realtor who is working for us on the other house. She called to ask about the meeting with the lender. I had to tell her it didn't happen. I also told her what the other realtor said and she felt that maybe we should still move forward because she's had houses sell at asking price and it's a buyer's market basically so we never know what people are looking for.

I expressed my concern about actually putting this house up for sale and then finding out that it sold but we can't get the other house and then we are homeless. She reassured me that there are ways to go about it so that doesn't happen. But first we need to talk to a lender and in the meantime she will get us cma's on the house we want and our house.

*still a flicker of hope*

Meanwhile, the kids are still acting like little...well you know whats. At first I was terrified thinking they were regressing but after some thought, it's still Poufy being the ... and the others are just restless for school to start. SO AM I!

All the other schools have started except our school district. UGH! But we do have the best school district...soooo.....

I hate this up and down, up and down business. I'm sure the kids are playing off of that too since we have no privacy at any hour apparently.

Still so much work to do on this house. I could ring CDQ's neck because she broke the faucet off the shower as well as the shower head and now the only way to replace it is by scrapping the whole thing and starting from scratch or by cutting into the kitchen wall to get through to the plumbing to unscrew the fixture and install the new one.

Can you believe that?

I've lost two betta's this week. Tux and Sunshine are no longer with us anymore :-(

Oh boy, am I tired

How fitting! I'm listening to the radio and Beck's "Loser" just came on.

I swear that's how I feel right now. The kids were/are being awful. I don't know what the hell their problem's are and quite frankly I don't care. At least not right now.

I've been busting my butt trying to get this house pulled together so we can sell it. Let's just say everything that can go wrong has.

I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow's meeting with the mortgage company because it is yet another minimum day for The Oldest. I didn't think they had anymore. But apparently it's the last. What ever happened to going to school full on once it started? Kids are spoiled. Anyway, we won't be able to get back from the city in time to pick her up.

Last night, I pulled off loose shingles from the roof with intentions to fix them, only to be stopped by the neighbor as I was coming down off the roof to get some more shingles. He kept me until 9 pm talking about everything. Can we say TMI? I wanted to just fall of the roof. Boy did Hubs get it when I did finally get to come in. I mean I could have fallen off the roof and he'd still be on the computer inside.

I let The Oldest go to the local team's baseball game. It's the first time I have let her go by herself anywhere. But she was with the other kids who do the altar serving at the church and the Monsigneur. I sent her with a mother (who is just as over-protective as I am). I think it was good for her to get away from all of us. Plus, how much trouble could she get in with all the goody goodies (I mean that in a good way) of the church?

She said she had fun but she got bored. I told her it's probably because she's never been to a baseball game and she doesn't know anything about it or probably how to spell the team name. She proceeded to spell the team name wrong. That was funny.

Anyhow, I am exhausted. I did some trim work, some roof work, some floor work, etc... It sucked because I kept getting stuck on each project at some point or another and I have a long list of stuff to buy tomorrow so I can continue working on all the different projects.

I talked to my sister and it turns out her operation is on Tuesday. She's freaking out. Talking to her makes me laugh but it also made me feel weird. She told me about how her half sister (L) was accosted by the kid's father's sister (D)(I guess at some point they would have been the kids Aunts?) in jail and how D told L that her brother did not kill "that kid". Turns out D is pregnant and I guess showing so L was going to make her lose the baby because we lost Bela. L ended up in solitary until either she was released or D was released. I can't remember. But I'm down because I wish she would have killed that baby.

One because that bitch deserves it (not that it would make a difference to her) and two because that poor child doesn't have a chance. I know it might sound harsh but I live with these kids day in and out and I know D has other issues that my sister didn't (believe me I am not defending my sister) but that poor baby is going to go through so much pain and abuse and neglect. Life shouldn't have to hurt so much for anyone, especially babies and children. That's why I feel the way I do and it makes me feel weird to feel that way.

My poor Squishy, she's not going to get justice. Her murder doesn't matter. No one cares. The murderers walk free and clear. They don't even have to pay for what they did. It's like she didn't matter. I asked for her so many times and they would never bring her to me. I'm so angry. It's not right.

Let the Games Begin!

So, the short answer on the house is no, we haven't bought it.

I just saw the inside yesterday and Hubs saw the house today. We likey...a lot.

Monday we go to find out about financing. The house is humongous, and it's going to be sold most likely at half it's value. There is another offer on the table and it's been there for 6 weeks. However, it's waaaay low and they want to make it a group home. This is not a group home neighborhood by any stretch.

We have to negotiate inspections and all kinds of stuff with them. But if we are lucky, we will get it at a price we can afford. Each kid would get their own room, there is so much space, storage, even a finished basement! I can't describe accurately really because it's so huge, I can't remember where what is. This would be perfect for the kids. Aside from an outer brick wall and mature trees surrounding the perimeter, there is actually a gated courtyard where the kids can be seen by us almost anywhere in the house and they will feel safe! *sigh*

I know this because they let me know. The kids love it too. They all picked out rooms and no one picked the same one! The layout would have 2 kids on one side of the house and three kids on the other. Which works because the number of kids who get along is split exactly like that. If that makes sense. I think there were actually a couple of rooms left over. I can't remember.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. This is what we need and it looks like we have three hurdles to jump before we will know for sure.

1.) Financing

2.) Negotiation on price

3.) Sell our home

This house has been on the market since February Before that it was taken off the market in December of last year and I don't know how long it was on that time. The chances of someone else coming along and swooping it up are slim, but a possibility. If only I could guarantee the time! Everything depends on time.

I'm excited about the house, really excited. But I also know if it doesn't work out, I have the money to buy those 6 ft American Holly Bushes and I can start planting them in the front yard to start with.

I still have no idea what my home is worth yet. But I know what it appraised for when we bought it so we should at least clear around $40,000 from it for a down payment and that has to count for something.

Right now, everything depends on our Monday meeting with the mortgage company and what we qualify for. This might be a toughie because of our income ratios and the sources of income. It's hard for me to understand because I thought the kids income was for living expenses, after all if we didn't have the kids or if they didn't have their various disorders we wouldn't need to be looking for another house really or at least not one that big. You know? I had a successful online consulting business that I had to close down in order to deal with all the kids and their needs. At this point, I can actually see the light at the end of tunnel and reopening that business back up again.

Oh and Thank God we found out I should be getting my budget information and hours next week! Phew, I've been stressing out about that as well, because if you remember I've sort of been layed off since May 17. So I have no proof of income even though when my income comes in it will boost us again. That will be fun explaining to them why it happened and how it will be better and will never happen again.

Oh.the.stress.

Pray for us please.



PS. The realtor said something that totally stopped my heart. She said that we shouldn't ever outgrow this house unless we have other family members with kids we might get. Hubs and I are the Godparents to my sister's kids (my nephews). If something happens to them, we inherit the kids! They were in that car accident and P has herniated discs or slipped discs or something like that with his back and T goes in for surgery on her arm on Monday because they told her that if she doesn't her arm will basically die! All from a car accident?!?! I love my nephews but please...no. This sister is the opposite of my other sister. Our kid's mother was abusive and neglectful. T spoils these boys rotten, they are attached to her hip and they can't do anything wrong for the most part. Especially little E.

I Didn't Even Know I Had A Problem

So, I ended up posting about The Oldest first day in Middle School instead of the thing that happened after I got creeped out about the house. Let me just tell you, I dropped off my girl and she was able to speak in complete sentences. When I picked her up I couldn't understand a damn word she was saying! lol Let's just say she was a little overwhelmed. But you know what? Good. Better now than at her first day of college, right?

Anyhow, We ended up stopping at W@lmart on the way home from checking out the other house because we needed some dog food. I decided I should get the girl's hair cut while I was at it. I noticed the woman who usually cuts their hair wasn't in. It was the man instead. I couldn't recall if he had cut the kids hair before.

Anyway, he was cutting some guy's hair and I was still in a daze from the house. Just thinking about my spooked feeling and then all the repairs that we are I am going to have to do.

When he finished the guys hair, he had gone up to the desk and he kept saying Amethyst. I didn't realize he was talking to me or that he was even saying a name. He seemed to be taking care of some business or so I thought with the sign in sheet.

So he tried to pronounce one of my daughter's names and I smiled at him and told him the pronunciation. He said he had to get the booster and stuff and I thought everything was fine.

Meanwhile, CDQ is saying she wants her hair really short so I suggested maybe she should try it at a certain length first and if she wants it shorter let him know.Well he comes up, puts the booster seat on the chair and she sits down. He tells me that her hair is really thick and that he doesn't have the time to do several haircuts because he'll miss his bus. I was starting to tell him that we could come back another time when he says : "I'm not going to miss my bus and be 500 miles from home for your daughter."

I was taken aback.

I told her to get down and she did. I was starting again to tell him we would be back another time when he muttered "Something isn't right here." and he walked across the room. I was like "what?" I told him to repeat himself and he was all drama queen hand in the air, he "knows when people have a problem with him".

I have to admit, I was totally floored.

I mean I was dazed coming in but I don't even remember looking at the guy. At first, I assumed it was because I couldn't remember if he had cut my kid's hair, so I told him "Look, I have 5 kids I don't know if you cut their hair or not but I do remember talking to you before. I do not have a problem with you at all."

He kept trying to tell me that I did, so then, and this made me chuckle inside a little, I wondered if he thought that I had a problem with him being feminine and gay. It makes me chuckle because more than half my friends from high school are gay. Male and female.

In college, I went out and partied at a gay bar and went to a rave afterwards where I danced with a guy in a skirt and a fishnet shirt named Thomas until 9 am. Almost all the people I knew personally ,and not through work, are gay. Point of fact, I remember being home sick and the Marilyn Kagan talk show was on tv, 2 girls I was on the tennis team with were fighting over a girl I had never met. What are those chances?

I feel the most comfortable around gay people. So that's why it struck me funny, if that's what he was thinking.

I reassured him that I was having a stressful day just coming from viewing the house and how it was trashed and creepy and that I wasn't focused. He shook my hand and was asking me about the house, etc... I kept hold of his hand and I looked him in the eyes and told him I had no problem with him.

I don't think he believed me, but I have to tell you, by the time I left the store. I felt like I was in the Twilight zone and I was not happy with Mr. Hair Cutter. I mean he was definitely rude and had I been in my normal state of mind I probably would have put it out there. I've decided I will not be taking my kids to get their hair cut by him because he showed me that he can be malicious and presumptuous. I don't trust him. It's just weird isn't it?

Anyhow, I got to see the inside of the house today. Wow is all I can say for now. Hopefully I will get a chance to post about it next.

Hope all is well with everyone,

The First Day Of Middle School

I'm going to write this down because Lord knows I will never tell you this...or at least I don't think I will. I probably won't remember all my feelings.

Today you started middle school. I could tell you were nervous, scared, and excited. You showered and dressed the quickest I have ever seen you in the past 2 and a half years. Even though you don't want to admit it, I think you like your school uniform. lol

I also think you don't want to admit it, but you like the fact I take your picture on the first day of school. Dad was up to see you off as well. He teased you and told you to say "superstar" for the camera. My guess is that he wanted you to impersonate Molly Shannon (I think that is her name being as I only saw a commercial and never saw the movie.) because of your catholic school uniform. You declined because you aren't about to act silly. I don't know why you get so embarrassed about everything. Maybe it's just your age.

Last night as I transferred Dad into bed, I told him "You have a daughter who starts middle school tomorrow." He said "I know, I'm old." I told him he was right, he is :-) It's still kind of hard to believe. I was there when you were born. I was one of the first people to hold you and now it's 12 years later.

I snuck a note into your backpack. It was just to let you know you'd be ok and you'd have an excellent day and make plenty of friends and that we loved you. I signed it Mom and Dad. I was nervous about that. Nervous because I didn't know if it was going to embarrass you or how you would feel about me signing Mom and Dad.

I want to write this down because I want you to know what I was thinking and how I felt and that these days do matter to me, probably more than they matter to you. After I dropped you off and left the school parking lot. I was sad and proud, that combination equals tears. lol

Sad because I have a baby in middle school and proud because you are so smart and so brave. I found a card last night that you had made for Dad. It was addressed to Uncle and it said that you would always remember him and there are just a few more years before you would be gone and how those years would fly by. It was clear you are planning to leave the minute it's legal for you to do so. I hope you don't. I mean, you can't stay forever. lol But I hope by that time you feel that this is home and not just a temporary place. I want you to have that. I want you to feel like you have a home and place to come back to. I've never had that and I think it's important. I'm planning for it.

At 8 am, when the living room clock chimed, I told Dad your day had started. I said a little prayer for you.

I love you more than you'll ever know. Probably because I forgot to tell you that when I dropped you off and was interrogating the crossguard. lol Sorry! But in my defense, you forgot too!

So, I'm saying it now, I love you (Drooler! )

The hairs are standing up on the back of my neck

Today is a weird day, I am feeling weird, bewildered, spooked. Foolish. hahaha



See, even nervous laughter.



I found another house, we were very impressed online. Well, I still am impressed it's like a mini-compound. It's going for way cheap but not cheap enough.



I showed up at the house and from the front it could be a beauty, it was built in 1975 or somewhere around there (yep, older than me). So the paint reflects the times but I can already envision new colors. I wanted to see it badly. I have an appointment tomorrow. But Kether will know exactly what I am talking about. lol



I was talking to Hubs on my cell and I decided to get down to get a sneak peek. My bad. I scared myself half out of my mind.



The wrought iron fence was left ajar and after walking up to front of the house and seeing that it was empty (well, from the sticker that said the house was abandoned! *wide-eyed stare*) I thought, why not just peek around the back.



I walked through the fence and was still talking to Hubs, I wasn't scared. I don't spook easily. But I could have sworn that someone was coming up behind me and I literally swung around to nothing. The other part was as soon as I walked into the backyard the trees and foliage made it appear like I was in a forest, and not in the middle of the city. There was silence. Just the echo of my voice. I could see some damage to the many wrought iron doors on the side of the house (huh? why all the doors?) and as I turned the corner I saw more wrought iron doors. Apparently there are two in-law quarters or I guess they call it an in-law suite at the back of the property. The yard just appeared to be almost non-existent with all the trees. But, I say two in law quarters because in between that there was yet another wrought iron door that led out in to a large courtyard in the center of the house.



That was a little creepy, yet cool, because I really felt out of touch with civilization. I could see the huge patio and the sunroom and this really weird spiral staircase. It's weird because the house is only one story and it appears this leads to some kind of lookout from above the house?



The house appeared to be trashed inside. Either it was vandalized or the people took off fast. Anyway, I decided to keep walking....fast. lol



I was going to leave when I thought "hey, I didn't see the other side of the yard outside of the courtyard" so I started that way only to have a HUGE flock of birds fly from the tree I walked past. I did look at the other side but it triggered me to tell hubs that I felt like one of the stupid girls in the horror films who is someplace she shouldn't be. LOL!



This place left me with the creeps. It's not out in the middle of nowhere either, it's right smack in the middle of town. The library, post office and grocery store are within walking distance. Literally right around the corner.



I was so creeped out when I left. I still can't put my finger on it but I'm also drawn to the house. Which is weird. I get the full tour tomorrow at 1:30, wish us luck!





PS.. Next time I will post about the other creepiness that happened right after we left the house.

I Wonder When They Were Going To Tell Us

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