Well...
A lot and not much at the same time.
I have my inflammation under wraps. I've had a few flare ups but mostly just achy muscles because I have become so weak from the Ibuprofen and not moving much. I think I might have a broken foot but nothing I can do about it.
I guess the big announcement is that my mother and my grandmother are coming to live with me. I asked my mom two months ago if she could come and help me. Friday was her last day of work. My grandmother is moving here because no one else takes care of her but my mother. She has alzheimer's and diabetes. My mom has diabetes too. Both aren't doing too well.
So...I don't know if I am adding to the house o'crap or actually going to have help. My mom has called freaked out the past couple of days. My siblings and her siblings and my grandmother's husband have been giving her shit. She's scared and mad.
I'm royally pissed. I'm trying to keep my cussing to a minimum. But....
so.hard.
She's been crying and I'm not really used to that much. I have to keep reassuring her everything will be alright...that part, I'm used to. I'm worried about falling back into role reversals. I've always been the responsible one. *sigh*
I think in some ways, she's relieved to be leaving there and in others she's worried. I don't know if she's doing this because she feels guilty. She told the others that this is the only thing I have ever asked of her and she needs to help me. It's true. I've never asked anyone for anything. This was the hardest thing to do, but I know if I don't get help...I won't be around much longer.
The kids bio mom is in the hospital. She's been there for over a week. I know people are going to get their panties in a knot over this one, but they can't figure out what's wrong with her and I hope she dies. I have every right to say that. She's my half sister and she's been a mistake since the day she was born. The best thing she can do for my children is die. Then they won't have to be looking over their shoulders for the rest of their lives. Maybe their nightmares will go away too. Maybe their smiles might become genuine.
So, I've been busy either trying to move things around in my house to make room for two more people or stuck in my chair unable to move from pure exhaustion from just breathing I guess. Hubbins is talking about getting me a rolling cart for my computer because I'm not able to sit at my desk for very long.
I read this awesome letter by Amanda, oh did I laugh and not feel so all alone. For me, she hit the nail on the head for the most part. I don't have a team of people or medical for that matter...but the cooking and hoarders, and showers....yup! Let's not forget the people who piss me off. LOL!
Oh and Hubbins sores are doing awesome, I am going to make myself take pictures of the wound vac and write about it because it is awesome. I know a lot of people come here for my pressure sore post and this is a must post.
Well, my right hand is starting to shake for some reason so I'm out of here for now.
Hope all is well with everyone.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
When Bios Show Up...
So the kid's bio mother showed up at my house.
Sadly, it had truly nothing to do with the children. She wants me. She wants me to pay for all she has done. Everything regarding her life and the kids and her bad choices are my fault.
Yeah.
She was outside my house screaming. Some people drove her here from the state she resides in. I called the police.
You will all love this part. Even with the TPR, even with the closed adoption agreement, even with the offer of supplying birth certificates.... I have no help.
This is what I was told,
These matters change all the time, if she had a court order to see her children, she would be allowed.
Uh, What. The. Fuuuuck???
I guess closed adoption means nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
Bottom line, it's a civil matter and they are just here to keep the peace.
Funny thing, I wanted to press charges for abuse, they told me I couldn't because she had already been charged and convicted and it would be double jeopardy.
So in other words, she has to abuse my kids again and then I can go after her.
My kids are hanging in here. I was able to divert them with music in one of the rooms at the back of the house. They knew something was up but they never saw her or the police. I decided to play it straight with them and tell them the truth. They all had stomach troubles last night and ate twice as much as they normally do. We had an impromptu slumber party and watched episodes of Man V. Food until nearly midnight.
I decided to go the truth route because I figured we needed a plan. What if they had been playing outside? What exactly are they supposed to do if she shows again? So we covered those things. We also talked about how one of their worst nightmares had come true and how they are safe, protected and loved and how everything is still the same. CDQ actually clung to me for comfort. She has never come to me before like that. That's a breakthrough right there. I also told them that although I could understand why they felt so afraid, she should also realize that they are not helpless babies anymore. They are strong kids with voices that count. I told them when they were little she probably seemed like such a big big person to them but in reality they are probably almost as tall as her now. (She's 4'11")
I wanted them to feel empowered.
As for me, there must be a God because I begged Him for help. I wanted to kill her and it was a fight between mind and body. My body was shaking so hard from restraining myself. I kept telling myself how much the kids and Hubbins needed me. I called my mother and stayed on the phone with her. If I hadn't, I don't know if I would have stayed inside.
As far as the RA, I've found a way to eliminate inflammation through herbs and supplements and I have been building up my weak muscles, but with the adrenaline that was pumping through me, I don't think it would have mattered. I know that this isn't the answer, but all I can think of is how my kids could finally feel safe if she weren't walking this Earth.
Oh and to the assholes who sold my information for $50, I hope you get your just rewards and it was worth it, because I blame you and once I find out which place it was, there will be trouble.
Sadly, it had truly nothing to do with the children. She wants me. She wants me to pay for all she has done. Everything regarding her life and the kids and her bad choices are my fault.
Yeah.
She was outside my house screaming. Some people drove her here from the state she resides in. I called the police.
You will all love this part. Even with the TPR, even with the closed adoption agreement, even with the offer of supplying birth certificates.... I have no help.
This is what I was told,
These matters change all the time, if she had a court order to see her children, she would be allowed.
Uh, What. The. Fuuuuck???
I guess closed adoption means nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
Bottom line, it's a civil matter and they are just here to keep the peace.
Funny thing, I wanted to press charges for abuse, they told me I couldn't because she had already been charged and convicted and it would be double jeopardy.
So in other words, she has to abuse my kids again and then I can go after her.
My kids are hanging in here. I was able to divert them with music in one of the rooms at the back of the house. They knew something was up but they never saw her or the police. I decided to play it straight with them and tell them the truth. They all had stomach troubles last night and ate twice as much as they normally do. We had an impromptu slumber party and watched episodes of Man V. Food until nearly midnight.
I decided to go the truth route because I figured we needed a plan. What if they had been playing outside? What exactly are they supposed to do if she shows again? So we covered those things. We also talked about how one of their worst nightmares had come true and how they are safe, protected and loved and how everything is still the same. CDQ actually clung to me for comfort. She has never come to me before like that. That's a breakthrough right there. I also told them that although I could understand why they felt so afraid, she should also realize that they are not helpless babies anymore. They are strong kids with voices that count. I told them when they were little she probably seemed like such a big big person to them but in reality they are probably almost as tall as her now. (She's 4'11")
I wanted them to feel empowered.
As for me, there must be a God because I begged Him for help. I wanted to kill her and it was a fight between mind and body. My body was shaking so hard from restraining myself. I kept telling myself how much the kids and Hubbins needed me. I called my mother and stayed on the phone with her. If I hadn't, I don't know if I would have stayed inside.
As far as the RA, I've found a way to eliminate inflammation through herbs and supplements and I have been building up my weak muscles, but with the adrenaline that was pumping through me, I don't think it would have mattered. I know that this isn't the answer, but all I can think of is how my kids could finally feel safe if she weren't walking this Earth.
Oh and to the assholes who sold my information for $50, I hope you get your just rewards and it was worth it, because I blame you and once I find out which place it was, there will be trouble.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Can't say for sure
when I will be back. It's very painful to type this now. I'm doing it with my left hand since my right is locked into a claw position and hurts to move the vein even or at least that's what it feels like.
Hanging in here.
Hanging in here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
