Acupuncture is like a nap in Heaven

So, in my last two sessions we have just been doing some maintenance, because up until Friday's session, I was only sore...not real pain.

In my last two sessions I have been able to doze off. With a few funny parts.

See, I do my sessions in a recliner instead of the massage table now.  I sleep in a recliner at home, which frankly may have to change soon since my sinus infection is clearing up and I'm now uncomfortable sleeping sitting up the way I used to.

The time before last, I had my first stress needle. The stress needle is put in the middle of the forehead. Because my days were flipped, I also had two needles sticking out of the side of my neck on each side (think Frankenstein).  I was a little tense to say the least.

He had put an ionic heater on pointing to my feet because my feet were cold and I had needles in them. Then he turns out the light and leaves for about an hour.

The funny part is I thought I had reclined all the way back in the chair before we started and here I am for the most part of 40 minutes stiff and not moving because I actually don't know why. I guess because being the nerd that I am, when he told me the heater was ionic and left me to my own devices, I started to wonder if he was talking about positive and negative ions and then I started thinking about ionic bonds and then covalent bonds came to mind and I was wondering if I was making this stuff up since I couldn't really remember what the hell they were....yes, it is crazy being me, in my head. lol

So I tell myself to lighten up and relax. Since I have the needles in, I start to do it bit by bit just in case, I release my feet, my legs, etc and I get to the top part of me and take a deep breath.  I'm thinking...this is awesome and then the recliner back decides to recline back to the full position! Ouch! But it was soooo funny it didn't bother me that much. I had to call him in to readjust the needle on the leg that flew up in automatic response to the back falling. But he knew EXACTLY where and what I was talking about when I told him what happened.

Then yesterday. I had to have the stress needle and the Frankenstein pins put in again in addition to some others, let's just say my mind makes it worse cause the actual physical thing is nothing. I mean I forget they are even there for the most part.  He turned on the little heater... I must stop and express my LUV for this heater.  It's like someone is gently blowing warm air towards your feet, like little whispers and then it shifts to feeling like a touch less massage that is going through your feet which I adore because I don't like people touching me.  It's so relaxing.

For me, since I wasn't thinking about bonds or something, this last time it relaxed my feet, then my legs, and I could feel this shift in my hips where they just relaxed and melted into the recliner and I can't tell you what happens next. Because next was me realizing that my neck had hit my shoulder and this inner voice telling me to wake up because there is a needle in my neck! lol I didn't hit the needle but that voice was going to make sure I didn't so then I sat there wide-eyed for about 2 minutes before he came in. I think I got  to doze for about 40 minutes at least. Sessions last an hour and takes about 10 minutes to get set up. It wasn't that long before my body relaxed.

But yep, it was like a nap on the clouds in Heaven, of course there probably aren't any needles involved up there ;-)

Empowering my children... aka maybe the longest post ever...

This post continues from the previous one....

------------------------------------------------------------

Just before hand, I thought I might let you know that I probably will be talking a lot about Joyce Meyer in the future.  Her words have impacted my family in such a way that talking about what she says is the only way I can explain how she has changed our lives.

I do not believe in pushing God on anyone.  I believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. You can ask my Hubbins.  He was an atheist when I met him and I never once pushed him into changing his mind even though he eventually did. In fact, as evidenced by many of my blog posts we actually did a flip. I've had my struggles with God and they have been made public on this blog. 

 I believe we all have our own personal journeys, we falter in life, and we get back up. It is what makes us human.  I do believe that God knew what we were and the mistakes we were going to make before we were ever born and he still loved/loves us anyway. I believe that we have a blood bought inheritance and that our sins are forgiven by Jesus dying on the cross for us.  I don't think it gives us free reign because all is forgiven but I do believe that we don't have to think we are going to hell because we make mistakes. Our inheritance is that our sins have already been paid for. 

I hope I am making sense. I've never gone this far in explaining what I believe on my blog. 

Anyhow, Joyce was sexually abused by her father as a child and she talks a lot about how that made her feel shame, worthless, hard hearted, depressed and afraid. These are all things my children identify with.  She talks about forgiveness and how hard it is but how it will benefit the person forgiving and is done for the person forgiving. She talks about staying positive and not letting negative emotions steal your joy. She also talks about not letting your past determine your future. 

She talks about control and minding your own business. She talks about not trying to collect a debt from someone who doesn't owe it and she talks about taking charge of your mind- your thoughts and emotions.

At first I was listening to her on my own. I popped a cd I had burned of her radio podcasts in my car one day when I was driving CDQ to therapy. She was silent the whole trip there and mostly back. When the program was finished, she told me "that woman makes a lot of sense. I know what she's talking about." From there I decided that I was going to play podcasts for the kids at bedtime. At that time, the podcasts were about staying positive and not letting the devil control your thoughts and actions. I think it may have been called Guard Your Heart and it had three parts to the series. I'm not 100% positive on that though.  

My kids were super excited about Joyce Meyer the next day and from then on. She has given them hope.  Even though I had told them what happened to them was not their fault, for some reason she hit home with them in a way that my words never could. 

For the first few weeks they had a Joyce Meyer quoting frenzy.  lol!

At that time, CDQ had taken it upon herself that she was to be the one to quote to the others what they were doing wrong. Which is typical of her. She was also still attacking me.  One day I decided to use Joyce's words. I felt so awful and cold and cruel about it, but now I can see that I actually led the way for her.  She was starting to verbally attack me when I said "Look CDQ, I can see that this is going to end badly. I just want you to know that I have decided to follow what Joyce Meyer has said. Even if you are having a bad day and you try to take it out on me, you will not steal my joy.  So you can do whatever you are going to do or say to me but I am determined to keep my joy no matter what."  I smiled. It was not a vicious smile or anything like that it was just a smile that came from my heart because even though I felt some turmoil over doing that, the idea that she wasn't going to be able to tear me down was just peaceful. 

That stopped the attack right in it's track.  She hasn't attacked me since.  Today came close, but I will tell you about that later. 

CDQ has been coming to me more often to talk about what Joyce says and get clarification.  Last week she came to me and told me she thought she was depressed because she missed people.  I told her I wasn't sure if she was depressed or just sad.  I asked her if she felt hopeless or if she felt sad. She said she felt sad. I told her that I thought people who were depressed felt like they didn't have any hope and that I didn't think that was her. I told her I thought she was sad because she missed people.  She agreed that she was just feeling sad. I told her that sometimes missing people can physically hurt.  But that it wasn't an unusual feeling.  

I then told her about Karlton. I told her it had been so long since he had died but that I've never forgotten him and that I think about him quite a bit when I remember things or wonder what his advice would have been.  I explained to her that I still miss him and that my heart actually hurt when he died and for many years after because I was so sad, she saw I was crying and I told her even after all this time I always do cry and that's ok. I explained that as the years go by the pain will lessen some. 

I also told her that there is a line there, because I had been dealing with this myself. I told her that there is a point where we can become selfish and angry with God for taking them and when we start to feel that way we have to realize that they are in heaven and that they are safe and pain free and no one can hurt them anymore. Even though we feel so sad we should also be happy for them because they are free. 

She felt better after that. I noticed a shift in her.  She is definitely trying to stay more positive but she has begun to attack the oldest instead of me.  I have tried to tell the oldest to try what I did but she's at the point where she's so angry at CDQ she doesn't see how telling CDQ anything would help. So I still have some work there. 

But today we had a breakthrough. CDQ was diagnosed with a tapeworm yesterday morning. We have no idea where she got it. But she is the least hygienic of all my kids and she can't keep her hands off herself or out of her mouth. Anyhow,  prior to finding out about the worms, she had been saying that she was too full to eat and I had asked that everyone serve her a little less food so it wouldn't go to waste.  The oldest was the one who had served her soup for lunch. She had forgotten to give her less. The twist in today's tale was that there was to be an after lunch Halloween cupcake. 

CDQ started complaining to me that the soup was too much, this before she even ate any of it.  She didn't want to eat it. I told her that she should eat it because of her problem but that if she didn't want to eat it that was  fine but only those who ate lunch were going to get a cupcake.  This is where I found out that the oldest was not eating her lunch either and hadn't even served herself a bowl.  I told her she wasn't getting a cupcake either because she had to eat lunch. By now CDQ had become whiny.  I was firm with her when I told her that the eating lunch/cupcake thing was not negotiable. She told me that she didn't know what that meant and she didn't care.  I said "Oh, you don't care, ok, then I don't either." Mind you that was not said with sarcasm the way hers was. It was more in a nonchalant manner like she had suggested that it didn't matter and I didn't realize that. You know?

I told her she didn't have to eat it, but she was going to have to eat dinner.   She got up and it appeared she was going to storm out of the room. On her way out, I stopped her and I told her that I knew she was working really hard on staying positive and that I hoped she wasn't going to let this steal her joy for the entire day.  I reminded her what Joyce said about letting the little things bother you and opening the door for the devil to steal your joy. She stood at the counter opposite the room with her arms crossed and she was definitely contemplating it. Then she told me she didn't like that soup, she said it was nasty.  I told her I didn't know that because she was the one who told me before that she LOVED that soup and it was sooooo yummy and she couldn't eat enough of it. (Seriously, she had said all that as she slurped it down before) She had a grin playing on her lips and then in a whiny voice she said she knows she said that but she doesn't like it anymore.  So I announced to the kitchen if they didn't like that flavor all they had to do was let me know and I would buy a different one. 

The oldest felt this was giving in to CDQ and I told the oldest that I really didn't care what flavor of soup they ate just as long as they ate. She shrugged her shoulders to that. 

So then CDQ started with the water works, I think it was aggravating her that the other kids had finished and were hugging me and thanking me for lunch and picking their cupcakes. 

By now, it was time for me to do a procedure on Hubbins.  CDQ told me she was hungry. I told her she could eat until she got full  (because she was still trying to say it was too much) but the only way she was going to get a cupcake is if she ate it all (it was half a bowl). I told CDQ that the soup that was made was what was for lunch, in the future I could buy a different kind but that was lunch (because can you imagine the catastrophe if I were to let 5 kids choose their meals on a daily basis?).  She told me she didn't want the cupcake anyway.  So then I said "Oh, then what's the problem? Just eat what you want of it."

Then she told me she didn't want to eat it so I told her it was ok for her to just go to her room. Then she said "didn't you hear what I said?" I told her "yeah, you said you didn't want it." Then she said "No I didn't!" By this point the oldest is exasperated she's been watching the whole scene unfold while she was making herself soup because she wanted a cupcake.  I'm just keeping my cool. 

I told her the way I saw it , she was trying to make this about me and that the only thing I was insisting was that she eat her lunch so that she gets proper nutrition. But in fact it's her that is making the decision, not me. I told her she had three choices: She could just go to her room and wait for dinner, or she could eat what she wanted of it or she could eat it all and get a cupcake. She stood there pouting and like I said I had a procedure to start on Hubbins so I told her that she was going to have to go to her room and think about it if she needed more time because I had to start Hubbins. I told her she could call me through the intercom when she knew what HER decision was. I knew that she had been attacking the oldest and it wasn't safe for me to leave them alone in the kitchen. 

So she was still pouting as she sat down to eat,  then she wanted it warmed up and I warmed it for her in microwave. So, her and the oldest were sitting across from each at the table. She was still pouting and the oldest was trying to eat her soup with a fork. I decided to try and break the tension by joking that they looked like the contestants on the Amazing Race look when they've been given like a pigs face or something to eat.  This got them both to smile. 

CDQ started eating her soup like she was starving. I mean she was shoveling it in but still trying to play the part.  She told me it was nasty as she stuck more noodles into her mouth. I told her I thought she was doing awesome for not liking it. Because of how well she was doing, I had actually decided that even if she didn't eat it all I was going to let her have her cupcake because she had really kept it together. I mean her sarcastic stuff I italicized is nothing compared to how she can get. 

The next thing I know she was jumping up from the table exclaiming "I ate it all!"  I was really cheery about it and told her to pick her cupcake. She was so happy. When she was done and leaving the kitchen I told her to come back  and I held my arms open for a hug. She came barreling back and slammed into me, she said "pick me up! pick me up!" I looked at her and I showed her that she was nearly as tall as me and I couldn't pick her up , so she went running to the oldest and tried to get her to do it." I had told her I was really proud of her and that far as I could see the score was CDQ 1; devil 0. She was sooo happy. I asked her was it really that bad eating that soup and she sheepishly said "no, it wasn't bad at all". Then she told me she was bad though. I told her "No you weren't.  You said a few rude things but it's nothing like what you used to say. I can see that you are trying and that's what counts. Sometimes you will have some bad days but as long as you don't give up or think it's over because you messed up, you'll be 

ok." 

Joyce talks about not throwing in the towel and going back to stinkin' thinking when you slip up. Everybody has bad days but you shouldn't disregard all your accomplishments because you make one mistake. She says to pick yourself back up and start right where you left off. Basically don't feel like you're a total failure over one thing. 

And finally what this longwinded post is leading to is this... CDQ came to me an hour later and hugged me so tight, not a side hug but an actual hug- full hug arms around my neck because I was sitting down. Let me just mention now, usually if CDQ is hugging me it's from the side and that's when she delivers what I call her zingers, She whispers something in my ear to try and hurt me. So it appears to others that she is being lovely but truly she is verbally attacking me where usually no one else can hear but me.  But this time she said "I love you, I love you sooooo much." I have to admit. I choked as I said "Really, I didn't think so, I thought you didn't care about me at all." She was still hugging me and she said "no, sometimes I just say mean things I don't really mean." 

~!~!~!~!~!~!~! HUGE~!

It was totally genuine.  I was floored.  I wish she could feel that safe all the time.  But I have so much to thank God for and I can't help but feel like Karlton has had given me the ultimate last advice and his advice has finally been taken 13 years later. He would have done anything to help me back then and it appears he still is in my corner even if he is no longer with us. 

In remembrance...

I've written this post so many times in my head but nothing seems right.  For over a decade October has been my least favorite month and this day, the 29th has been the hardest day.

My heart still hurts. It's lessen some over the years.  I tell myself I need to stop being so selfish.  I was just a friend.  His family is the one that lost the most... I should celebrate the day he went home, etc....

Some days I understand. Others I just can't understand. I know I should be so thankful for the time I did have.  The opportunity I had for him to teach me what family really is and unconditional non-judgmental brotherly love. We could talk about anything honestly and without reserve. How many people get to say they've ever felt that?

He was with me when I figured out I had been molested. He's the one I called from the ER. He's the one I told about my religious beliefs.  He's the one who made me think about myself and who I was. He made me see people differently. He changed me forever.

But now, now I know what I am missing and it makes it even worse. Our last conversation still haunts me. The way it all ended. My dream that I shared with him about dying in a car accident. His excitement over "God having great things planned" for him.  I guess in his eyes going to Heaven would be great things but I don't think he thought it would be The End.

You see in the weeks before his death, he was settling his affairs. Paying off all his debts, making sure his wife was getting her business together. Just making sure everything was in order. He was so happy and so adamant about getting everything right.

I have to admit, I go rounds with God because on one hand I think that was so cruel but on the other I see it was his reward for following God's will.

I often wonder what he would think about what has become of my life.  I guess as I just typed this question, I got the answer in my head.

CREAM PUFF!

*rolling eyes*

You see there were two things Karlton wanted from me. He wanted me to admit that I was a cream puff and that I wasn't as hard as I was carrying myself back then (boy were my walls high and made of the toughest material) and he wanted me to read the book! (the Bible).  You see Karlton was a non-denominational minister too.

I wish I could go to him for advice, I wish he met my husband, I wish my kids knew him. I wish, I wish, I wish...

In a way, I think I got my wish.

I've recently mentioned Joyce Meyer on my blog. About 13 years ago, Karlton told me I needed to check out this female preacher. He said her and I were a lot a like and he thought I would like her.  He told me she came on at 5 am. Like a smart ass, I told him I was NOT going to get up at 5 am for that and he could just tell me what she said.

Through the years after his death, Joyce Meyer has appeared on my tv screen at various times in my life and every time she was talking about something that I was mulling over or having a hard time with, so I would stop and listen and consider it Karlton's way of giving me some advice.

About a month ago, I was feeling so lost and just thinking about Karlton and what he would say and I came across Joyce Meyer and she was talking about how easy it can get to become confused about what God wants and what the Devil wants.  She made me realize this:

I had been so busy fighting the devil that I didn't realize that I had turned my eyes away from what God wanted me to do. God never asked me to fight the devil.  He wants me to work on the things he's placed in front of me. God won't help me with the things he did not ask me to do.  So the devil won by distracting me and keeping me from focusing on what God wanted. I felt like God had abandoned me. I no longer heard his voice guiding me and it never donned on me that I wasn't doing his will. I was tricked into believing that I was working on protecting my family. She said that if we feel we are being attacked by the devil we need to give that to God to take care of for us.

That's what I heard that day...and THEN! That whole week, every time I turned on the tv or changed the channel Joyce was on preaching about all the things my kids and I were struggling with. I'm not exaggerating nor am I kidding. It even came to the point where Hubbins asked me just how many times Joyce came on a day.

I looked it up and she only comes on tv twice a day. But that whole week I got all the answers I was praying for, since that week I have been unable to find Joyce on any other stations at any other times other than the two per day that are in the listings. That day that I realized I was fighting the wrong fight, my mom came home with some Halloween Tarot cards. I know some people might be saying "what!?!" because of the way some people feel about the cards. But it's my mom's thing and she's taking a class on it at the senior center. She practiced by having me pull a three card spread which represents past, present and future.  This my bloggy friends was my present card:

I don't know what the card means because I was just blown away by the picture itself.  I would say it represents me with the devil now behind me and my looking towards God's light undeterred. Pretty cool huh? Believe it or not Joyce preached shortly after about ever feeling like we are having a certain message pounded into our heads. We see things on tv, get stuff in the mail, etc.... To me this card was the sum of it all.

I can't help but think if I had really listened to Karlton all those years ago what kind of differences would I know today. As I sat last week reading Dave Ramsey's book, Total Money Makeover,  it stuck me that at two years younger than Karlton was when he died, I am getting my financial business in order and working on getting it together just as he had. I am reading The Book (ugh, I can totally see him gloating up there) and I must be a cream puff because I have an incredibly bitchy (<-- still working on the language) completely declawed black cat sleeping in my bathroom RIGHT NOW. We are talking about a cat that literally just hates me. Screams and hisses at me and even bit me-- only me. But you know black cats and Halloween and she has all four paws declawed and is totally defenseless and it's so cold outside, blah, blah, blah....yeah...cream puff I am.

I think if Karlton could see me today, he would be proud, even with my setbacks. And in the next post, I will tell you how his suggestion from 13 years ago has helped my kids.

Rest In Peace Karlton Glen Taylor, I am still spreading the word about you. As promised, I am telling everyone that you were a man of integrity and a man who kept his word. The world lost an amazing person the day you were taken from us, but even in your short time on Earth, you touched so many lives with your words and actions.

AND, thanks for the advice, I am listening...really I am. ;-)

On the mend

So after my last post I discovered.

1. Not only was I in a body crippling flare up
2. and was flo visiting
3. during a raging sinus infection
4. but also I got a "touch" of the flu (<-- chills, sweats, fever, wanting to die) from my flu vaccination
5. and my wisdom teeth impaction wasn't through with me.

I think I'll go back up there and put the highlights in bold...gimme a sec...ok, better.

I've discovered why I've turned into a bitter cussing bitch because as evidenced by the green chunks that have been spewing from my body (sorry for the TMI) and my doctor's opinion-- I have had the infection for a very very long time. Like years probably. *insert opened mouth stare here*

I was so busy pushing forward that I didn't take time to realize just how crappy I felt until the flare ups became intolerable and unbearable.

Believe me, I am not and have never been on friendly terms with needles. But when the logic side of my brain stood up like a guest on the Springer show and bitch slapped my whiny needle fearing side effectively putting him* in check, the needles didn't matter in the least.

So, this past week has been mostly flare free. I've just been dealing with each new layer of hell as the old layer is peeled back.  I'm praying that I have reached my last layer of pain.  Overall, I'm feeling better and the best part of all this is that I don't have to wait for people to pass through so I can get help to get up and go to the bathroom.  I know it's a weird thing to think of as the best considering everything, but it is what it is. :-)


=================
This was written a few days ago, I forgot to click on publish *blush*. I ended up waking up yesterday morning unable to bend my right knee or move my left arm. I don't know what happened but I found myself flat on the floor after trying to get up. I couldn't get up for awhile.  I had my acupuncture appointment at 8 am so I pushed through the pain and got every red light on the way to his office. Luckily after he put the needles in I was just sore. The 10+ pain was gone. *deep breath*

Today I've been dealing with breathing and stomach issues. Some day all this crap will stop and I will feel good and I will be my old self again.

Baby steps...baby steps....




*Isn't your whiny side a "him" too?

Human Pincushion

The room is dark save for the gentle light cascading in the shape of a seashell against the ceiling.  The sound of running water and birds cawing are emitting from the speaker on the wall.  It is the perfect picture of serenity.

I am laying on a massage table with a heating pad that runs the length of the table beneath me. I have my head gently resting on a pillow and a blanket which was placed carefully over me.

Sounds good doesn't it?

Except in my mind, in my crazy mind... I am screaming, in the beginning, I am totally irrational.   I keep telling my mind to just shut up for crying out loud (or in this case, in my head).

You see, I have needles all over my arms and the tops of my hands and these needles are all touching nerves and any little tweak, tweaks my nerves. Does it hurt...psh, uh...no.  In fact, all my places that hurt to begin with didn't hurt anymore.

I was laying there uncomfortable but totally pain free.  I made my mind shut up and relax and concentrate on the fact that I am feeling NO PAIN.

Life is good, but then I have to sneeze. I'll be honest. I totally said "shit" out loud. Three times I felt like I had to sneeze and three times I kept it at bay. Whoo.  I can't imagine what sort of fun that would have been because see the blanket was resting gently on top of the needles and I was most definitely not going to move an inch.

So let's rewind to how I ended up becoming a human pincushion.  Saturday, I took my kids to get their flu shot. I ended up getting mine too. I also showered before I left and got Hubbins into his chair. The kids appointment was at 10:45 and mornings are the worst for me.  So this was huge. By the time I got home, I was starting to feel it.  My mother had been bugging me to go to this crafters market because I actually want to open my own store and sell some of my crafts online and at these craft fair types of things.    Anyhow, my mom ended up getting mad at me because I told her I wasn't going at the last minute. Literally, jacket on- purse in hand.  Just could.not.do.it.  After she left, I cried because I'm tired of people being mad at me and not understanding, I am tired of being tired and I am tired of the pain.

So, I guess you can say my mom interrupted my pity party when she called to say she had just seen this acupuncturist who fixed her arm (she has bone loss in her arm and it's torn some) in seconds using pressure points.  She had told him about me and he said he could probably help. Well, to cut to the chase , my mom came and got me, took me there, he did some pressure point work on me and I still had a tiny bit of pain in my arm (the pain that was making me cry) but I could turn my head. It had been MONTHS since I had been able to turn my head without turning my upper torso.

So I made an appointment for Monday.

I hate needles. He asked where the pain was and I told him and he just picked up my hand and stuck in the first needle. I felt a pressure, but not pain and suddenly the pain I was talking about was gone.  As embarrassing as this is. I was like a kid in a candy store.  The more he poked the needles in the less pain I had.  The night before, I had taken an ibuprofen because my pain was at a level 12 at least.  At the risk of tmi, but in the interest of those coming to this blog for this info, I was in the middle of a flare up and flo was visiting. I don't know about anyone else but flo makes my pain waaaaaay worse.  I avoid drugs until I just can't take it anymore. So I still had the ibuprofen in my system so my usual spots weren't bugging me but that didn't stop me from having him poke for those spots either.

It wasn't until the lights went out and I was laying there with nothing to do but think of the needles in me and this*. LOL!  It felt like forever and a day. But it was more like an hour and 15 minutes. Half way through, I got my appetite back. I didn't even know that was missing.   I have NEVER been SO hungry in my entire life.

Of course, after the woman checked on me to see if I was okay, my right nostril blocked off and made it difficult for me to breathe. It appears that the RA pain was totally masking a raging sinus infection. Finally when it was over, I told him about the blocked nostril and he put a needle in my head and moved it around until the blockage cleared.

Here's where ugly comes in. That was yesterday. As soon as I left there and drove through Carl's Jr and scarfed down a meal. I was freezing like an ice pop.  By the time I came home, my head was on fire and my body was still cold. I took my temp and I had a fever over 100 degrees.  I had this annoying tickling burning sensation in my sinuses. I did fall asleep and the fever did break.  I've been dealing with the sinus infection all last night and all day.  My pain did flip. I guess I should mention that I have symmetrical pain... I flare on one side and then sometimes it flips to the other.

BUT, the pain that flipped is totally bearable. In fact if I didn't have this annoying sinus thing I would be feeling incredibly awesome.

When I came home and laid down in my recliner, Scrawn decided to plop herself down on me and do her usual head butt to my knuckles.  It didn't hurt! But the shock came when I went to rub her head. Her fur was so soft. I had forgotten how soft it was and I had never noticed when I stopped feeling that.  Even when I felt my face, I didn't realize how soft my skin was.  I'll admit it, I teared up...but in my defense, flo is still visiting. lol!

All in all, I would say it is totally worth it.  I'm not on any drugs and I don't ever want to be.   I have a list  (knuckles, elbows, flipped pain) for tomorrow.  I think I had the reaction I did because the needles allowed the release of my sinus infection.  My mom went and saw him today and she did not have any where near the same reaction.  I'm sure the doc will either have some kind of herb or antibiotic for me tomorrow.

I'm so happy and so scared at the same time.  I don't want this to be a fluke.  I look down at my hands and I see how the swelling is nearly gone and my fingers are almost as slender as they were, but I also see how deformed my knuckles are. The bump that juts out at the side and the width that won't allow me to wear my rings anymore.

I know I have to let it go and I know I have to trust that God does not want this pain for me.  He has a plan for me and I just need to not lose sight of that again.

* Warning, the video is graphic, if you are squeamish or have nightmares easily- don't watch.  Unfortunately, this is the way RA makes me feel except there is no relief in the end.

Cat-urdays with Scrawnie

Ugh, Mom has been doing her cleaning thing and rearranging our bedroom, she's also getting ready for winter.  Our bedroom has more space now, but for meowing out loud, I'm trying to get some sleep! She should know a girl needs her beauty sleep!

Speaking of which, I was a very good girl in the wee hours of today. Mom was having a horrible time and I cuddled up with her in her recliner and watched her like a hawk. I even gave her a few good head butts of support on her swollen hands to show her I cared. It made her squeal loudly, I think she was so happy! I like when my mom is happy.

Yesterday was Smudge's 4th birthday. She had a little party with some wet cat food for dinner and opened her presents. She got this cool rope thing (which Purries seems to have claimed as her own) and a soft white mousey.  Grandma got me some kitty kisses (treats) cuz I am her favorite. Shhh...

Mom tried to take a pic of the b-day girl but she's a sketchy kitty, she always comes out as a blur. KITTENS!

Toodles
~S