The second half

I uploaded this days ago, but since GS cookies are wrapping up, I've been super busy. This is just a little something I put together for Poufy. I will probably end up taking it down in a day or so because it has real names in it. But I decided I am going to try to make one of these for each of the kids so we can see growth over the years.

This birthday was eye opening to me. I mean I always mindlessly comment about things but it never really hit home or made sense. Comments like "they always try to sabotage something fun. Always" or Hubs at the table after Poufy blew out the candles... "How many birthdays have you had?" I shot him a look...then I said 2, she's had 2 birthdays with us, I think that might be it. (Yes, we had a loooong talk after the kids went to bed and I showed him this video that I made.)

I don't really have a picture of Poufy happy with her cake. The Wish was something huge to her, it worried her. I don't know what she wished for. I like the video though. I mean I see all those emotions on her face as she stares at the blown out candles. I thought of relighting them for her, but then I thought it would just reenforce in her mind that she did something wrong, but I like in the video how boy is blowing out candles with her. I think he is the only child who doesn't have birthday issues. He is the youngest though.

In this picture you can see that Poufy is still worried about her wish, but in the background...CDQ is soooo jealous. CDQ is still hard for me to deal with. She can't be happy or proud for anyone but herself. If someone shares a proud moment she has to tell how much better she is. Everyday I have to set her straight about things. She constantly "attacks" SS.

SS has the least amount of self esteem out of all the kids and CDQ attacks her...SS is also the only kid who has trouble learning. The other day she was so proud because she finished her report before CDQ and CDQ told her that "probably you only finished before me because you skipped pages or something." I was angry. Today at dinner she just started asking SS about her hair and what was wrong with it. There was nothing wrong with SS's hair but she told her it was knotted...it has "big knots" and of course her hair doesn't have knots. SS's hair is straight and lays flat in its style. She had no knots and in fact CDQ has the knots because her hair poufs out and isn't straight or curly.

It might not seem like much, but I am tired of hearing her put the other kids down and I'm tired of hearing how great and perfect she thinks she is. I realize that it's probably that she's actually feeling the opposite but it's hard to see through that sometimes because she's so awful about it.

All and all it went well. Unfortunately Poufy is making bad choices and can't seem to snap out of it. I think it has something to do with her and CDQ sharing a room. I don't think the birthday blues have passed for her.

Although CDQ is aware of her birthday coming up and that she acts out when it comes around, she still can't piece together that her acting out has started already with a month to go. I keep trying to tell her but she's in the mode where she's not going to hear me. It's unfortunate.

With that going on with both of them and them being in the same room...well, let's just say it hasn't been fun.

The first half...

Ok, so we weren't off to a good start this morning. I don't know if anyone out there has multiple children with RAD like I do...but hoo boy... CDQ has a touch of narcissm as well...and as soon as she saw any attention turning towards Poufy, she had to take it away.

It has to be all about CDQ good or bad or she's not happy. Somehow, her threatening Poufy ("Go ahead and talk over me and see what happens." ) not being ok when Poufy was trying to tell us CDQ was lying (which we already knew) was because Hubs and I don't like "them", we hate "them". Yeah...I'm still trying to connect those dots. So she had to spiral into a fake meltdown. I don't mind those that much because...well they are fake...so they aren't so bad. They never really end up going anywhere. It's just to switch the focus to her.

So, I tried to nip it in the bud. I tried to appeal to the ODD and told her if that's what it took for her to feel better about herself then it was ok for her to feel and think that right now even though it wasn't true...ok, maybe more passive aggressive than appealing to her ODD, but I will claim ignorance as I am still learning about it. lol

I called Poufy out and explained to her what CDQ was trying to do. Funny side: I heard Poufy on the intercom telling CDQ it didn't matter what she said because "it is MY birthday and YOU are NOT going to take it from ME." go girl! I asked her if she thought she deserved a b-day party. She told me she didn't know... I asked her for reasons why she thought she didn't deserve a birthday party...and to be honest... I should have documented this sooner because I've forgotten. lol I was more interested in why she thought she did deserve a birthday party. She told me that she thought she deserved a birthday party because yesterday and today she did tapping about behaving. I haven't done any tapping like that with them, but I guess she changed making good choices to behaving. I guess, if it works. lol She thought that was the only reason, which was sad to me. So I wrote her up a small list of some of the reasons why she deserved a birthday party.

Anyhow, I waited until CDQ was in the shower to give Poufy her Princess stuff. I didn't want CDQ being a snot and saying something mean because she's jealous. I wanted Poufy to have a moment if it was going to happen at all. Oh yeah, ignore what she's wearing, I was trying to find something that she could wear under the dress and still be comfortable.





So here are some takes from it. Most kids would rip into a gift but not her...you can see she doesn't trust. I thought it was funny that she liked the ballet shoes the most. I think you can also sense my hesitation...damn! I felt like I was ready to sprint off or something, you know like toss it to her and run! lol

I wish I would have recorded her when she ran off. She was on tiptoe holding the dress like the Princesses do. It made me cry. *blush*

I came to my room to tell Hubs what he missed (he's currently still stuck in bed for another hour.) and I heard her on the intercom. I rushed to record it because out of everything she got in that bag, she was reading my note to CDQ and I hope you can hear it because she is absolutely giddy and giggling over the note! I cried again. *burning blush*

I threw them all outside and I put a few streamers up in the kitchen. Nothing fancy, I decorated her chair with streamers too. Right now the house smells like a really good French Vanilla cake... I have to wrap her birthday gift still, but I think it's going to be ok.

So I caved a little...AKA preparing for a RAD b-day

Well, Poufy had her meltdown. It only lasted about an hour. There was to be no tapping, rubbing, karate chops, etc... just full on meltdown. I tried to appeal to her ODD but even that wasn't working entirely.

But you know what? I totally expected it. I was prepared.

As I thought about just cancelling the whole cake and presents and just letting the day go by as any other. CDQ asked if she could have a party (her b-day is feb. 29th) and invite some girl scout friends. I winced. I told her I didn't know because when birthdays came around they acted out and it was hard to tell.

This is what she said that broke my heart. "I know. I've been trying not to think about it so I won't mess it up."

Me: "Maybe you should think about why you feel like messing it up and try to change that."

CDQ: " I have. I just get really nervous and I don't know why."

Me: "Maybe you can practice rubbing and say something like: I am a good kid, I deserve a birthday party and my parents want me to be happy."

I know I probably could have come up with something better but I wasn't expecting this exchange and I figured I was still covering bases if one, she thinks that she's bad and two, thinks because of that she doesn't deserve it or three thinks that we don't want her to be happy or have a birthday party. And if I remember it's three things. lol

I told her I would have to see how things are going before I can make that decision. I was thinking that if I did allow her to have friends, we would have the party at a pizza place or something. Either it will work for distractions or it will be really embarrassing...

But anyway, back to Poufy, I got to thinking...what if Poufy felt this way too. What if she felt like she had to sabotage her b-day but secretly didn't want to? Is that what our kids feel or do they truly feel better if it's just another day?

The other part is totally selfish. I used to be the cool Aunt they really didn't see much of, almost like a Grandma. I always gave them what they wanted for their birthday or some other expensive present. I used to do that for family members always. The only thing is, I never realized that the kids never got to play with the things I gave them. Their mother never gave them the stuff.

For instance, the last thing I had bought all of them was Christmas. Each girl got a different Disney Princess Baby Doll and the boy got this bubble noisy lawnmower thingy (he was newly 4). I did see the boy play with the lawnmower. But the girls just looked at their dolls in the boxes. Turns out after I left, those boxes were put into a storage she never paid for and lost. They never even opened them! The only reason the boy got to play with his lawnmower was because she didn't want to hear him cry.

Buying presents for them is something I enjoy. I love going up and down the toy aisle and wondering what kind of reaction they would have if they had this or that... of course, I don't do that anymore. Maybe sometimes for some imaginary kids... but last night when I went to Target, I couldn't help but go up and down the toy aisles even though I already bought their birthday gifts.

I came across a Disney Princess Dress on clearance and I thought "Wow! This would go great with that Tiara and ballet slippers from the dollar bin... and so I made a selfish decision....

I bought them, plus the cute little felt purse I also found in the dollar bin. I rationalized...it's under $10 if she melts down and destroys it, it's not a big deal...but... if she loves it...than it's priceless right?
I folded it all up and packed it into the purse. I plan to give it to her tomorrow morning instead of her clothes for the day. I am trying to figure out whether I should try to sneak a picture or video of her when I give it to her. But I don't know which way it will go.

I also decided to pop into the dollar store and buy a couple of things. Some plates, napkins and streamers and some goody bags with princess related things in it. Not too much. I got the boy a pack of cars and a table football game thing for his "Princess" bag, lol Very minimal...no?

I'm nervous. That's why I am still up at 5 am. Maybe I should have her do some rubbing and tapping just to start the day? I was wishing I had a mini-tramp today but I decided I'm not going to introduce that until next month. I don't want to overload them.

On Being 7

Today I got a normal day.

It was the boy's seventh birthday. I relished in the fun of picking out his cake and his gift and his card. I was so happy to get to do that finally. It felt so normal.

Little things touched me today. You see that smile of happiness and satisfaction. Just from the cake. Each of them are always sooo surprised when they get a cake with their name on it. It's a little thing but it means alot to them. It's huge in their world that their name was actually put on a cake. Sad huh?

(you might want to adjust the volume before you play it)

I have hope for this one. I think he will make it. You can see he has a good heart.

We were a little mean. We only gave him a card and told him it was his birthday present. It was a Kung Fu Panda card with stickers. All day long he eavesdropped on Hubs and I talking about Kung Fu Panda action figures and palaces, etc... He just knew he was getting something Kung Fu Panda. It was funny to see his face as he played with the card.

But in truth we had this waiting for him in the living room.

A BIG BOY BIKE! I tried to record him but it didn't turn out. He stood rooted to the spot in the entrance way from the kitchen to the living room.

"A bike?, A bike, a BIKE!" then he ran over to it and examined every inch of it exclaiming over everything about it. It was love at first sight. I wish it would have recorded right.

I let him out even though it was getting dark (damn daylight savings) and he rode up from the hill down towards our van. I thought he was going to crash into the van but instead he swerved and fell.

I told him to come inside, not wanting a trip to the ER. lol

It would have been perfect, except Poufy had to go and steal while the rest of us were having fun. Instead of coming with us, she stole from the kitchen. She even licked the frosting from the cake off the other kids plates. *sigh* I regret including her in the celebration. It's the only time we let our guard down. We've decided we will not include her anymore. It's not fair to the rest of the kids and since we've kept them separated from her we now see that she was the driving force behind all the turmoil and chaos. Who would've thought one kid could cause so much damage?

At any rate, I have to figure out a way to survive this. It hurt so much when I realized that hubs was signing "Dad" on the card. He wants kids badly. I guess it's easier for him because he's not blood related. The transition is easier; but it's a slippery slope for me between Aunt and Mother.

A 7th Birthday in pictures...

There were the usual guests...

Strawberry Shortcake

Mon Chi ChhiHubs

Sticky

CDQ

The Boy

The Oldest

The Guest of Honor aka Poufy

There was cake and ice cream...YUM!

There were gifts and oh boy were there gifts!

Thanks to TKW (<--click link) for the beautiful Tutu (<--click link)she made Poufy for her birthday. After I showed Poufy it wasn't a tambourine (it has bells on it) but a tutu, she was thrilled and couldn't wait to put it on and dance. lol


Happy 7th Birthday (tomorrow) Poufy!

Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays!!!

Holy cow!

I just realized I have back to back birthdays until March!

The oldest has her birthday on Feb. 23rd. She'll be 12.
Then Strawberry Shortcake has hers March 5th and she'll be 9.
But before that CDQ has her birthday on Feb. 29th and will be 8.
Before all that Poufy will have her birthday this month on the 18th and she will turn 7.

*phew*

So for now I have two 6 year olds (Poufy and the boy), then for what? about a month I will have two 7 year olds (Poufy and CDQ). Then for about a week I will have two 8 year olds (CDQ and Strawberry Shortcake) and then Strawberry Shortcake will turn 9.

By the end of the first week of March I will have 12, 9, 8,7,and 6. The boy doesn't turn 7 until November.

Did you get all that? lol