Today is the day Bela was murdered. There has been increased talk about what happened to her and this time even the oldest wanted to hear what happened instead of plugging her ears and yelling for them to shut up. I've decided to make today a celebration of her life and we will talk about the things she loved (chocolate and dancing) and who she was becoming. I'm thinking I will ask them if they want to write about their favorite times with her.
My kids are deathly afraid of forgetting her. Forgetting what she was like, her b-day, what she looked like, etc... I think I am going to help them make a memory book of her compiled of their memories and times together with her. I don't know if it's the wrong thing to do but I just feel from them that they are ready and it's not necessarily moving on but I guess it's that place where they aren't so mad about it anymore and they can share happy times and laugh about it.
If they want to feel sad today, I will let them feel that. I'm not going to try to steer them away from their feelings but I am going to try to make this a positive day, instead of the day Mike killed Bela, I want to encourage them not to give Mike that power anymore and instead make this the day we celebrate Bela's life.
5 comments:
You'll all be in my prayers today. I think you are doing a good thing with the memories. You are and AWESOME mom.
Honey, your family is in our prayers today.
Anniversary's are always hard...such as today, her bd, the day they came to live w/you...all those things. Remember my "when it snows post". Things like that just trigger our kids in ways that we can nor will we understand.
Heck...it triggers me on those days when i don't really 'understand' until I think about it.
As for creating a memory book and celebrating her life == LOVELY!! I am sure it will be/can be very healing in ways you would probably never imagine.
Turn that negative feeling and sorrow into something positive. Allow them to take their anger and turn in it to something positive!!
All the while...take care of you, too!!
love, gala
I made my daughter a memory book of her foster sister that died. It does help. She helped, too. We take it out and look at it whenever either of us are missing TyShay. TyShay was murdered too, basically...only she was "recovering" for almost 2 years. Her birthdad was high on ectasy and some other drugs and bit her a bunch of times than threw her down the stairs then picked her up and used her to shield himself from the cops then threw her AT the cops. We had hoped to adopt her but her medical needs required constant medical care that we weren't able to provide. Wow. Sorry about all that. My point is, you are doing the right thing to reclaim your loss.
Hey Sasha!
I'm so glad you went back and read the beginning. I'm hoping that it will encourage you to see that things can change and there is hope and healing. See how far we've come this year?!?
You can do this!
Would you please email me again? Since that hateful computer died I've lost all my emails. Grrrr!!!!
Sorry....
Thinking of you gus.
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