Ring, Ring Ring...

Last Friday was the oldest's 5th grade promotion.

I found out at the last minute since everyone had been so sick. I felt really bad for her because she looked so sad and I didn't know if it had to do with leaving her friends or the fact that family was lacking. I grew up with an absent mother who was there if that makes sense. I don't even think that it's necessarily sadness as much as it is anger.

I started to hate their donors (because after much thought that is what they are) because they put these kids, my kids through this. It made me cry.

A woman came up and introduced herself to me as the mother of a friend of the oldest's. She touched my arm and told me she felt the same way. In all honesty, she put me off the minute she did that because being the witch that I am I immediately thought "Oh really? You're feeling sad for your daughter because her biological mother is a twat and mad because her grandmother is an even bigger one for siding with her and ultimately becoming trash? hmmm?" But instead of voicing that I just stared at her.

She told me that my daughter has been asking her to talk to me about her going over to her house. I told the woman I didn't know and she asked for my phone number so she could call me and we could talk it over and I could see where she lives etc... I went ahead and gave her the phone number.

Fastforward to yesterday, her daughter calls wanting mine to spend the night tomorrow (as in tonight now). I wasn't home but right smack in the middle of dinner about 30 minutes later from when she originally called, she called again.

I don't want horny little girls calling my house looking for a partner in crime. That's what this is. They want to run around the mall acting like a stupid girl and I will not permit it. There's enough stupid girls in the world with out me adding my girls to the mix.

I told the oldest that she is not allowed to receive calls...none of them are. They also aren't allowed to spend the night at anyones house. In the future when things are more settled, I told them they can have friends over here but spending the night elsewhere will never happen. I let her know she needed to tell her friend that and her friend had the audacity to ask why not?

This pissed me off to new levels. I went off. I don't question their mother's decisions that she makes for her children. I happen to know she parades her kids around to auditions, pulling them out of school and all. Her kids just don't cut the mustard but off they go. She encourages them to follow media and the lives of "famous" adults. She wants them to be stars. She tries to flaunt a Hollywood lifestyle and more power to her if that's what she wants but I want my kid to be 12. Real 12, not 12 going on 27.

CDQ is also friends with her twin daughters and it's all very dramatic and love/hate. My kids have already been exposed to things way beyond *MY* years, I don't want the added element of them feeling like they have to wear certain clothes or be certain things to be anyone.

I guess what this post adds up to is the question of why some parents feel they can command their way into their children's friends family. When she spoke to me she said "I know you are very strict...." I'm not strict, I'm normal...everyone else has lost their minds, no?

If I were to have started a conversation with her would it be "I know you are very shallow..." ?

At the end of the day, if roles had been reversed and her child was my own, I would have told her sorry but that's their house rules, maybe there's another friend you would like to invite. But I also would have called, not my child, and spoke to the parent first.

Who knows what's right?

What it all adds up to...

1 bronchitis (Hubs)
2 strep throats (CDQ and SS)
2 colds (the boy and Poufy)
1 dropsy (alpha betta)
1 bitchy little girl (the oldest)

I am exhausted. I think we are finally past contagious and hubs can breathe now. Alpha, well I don't know if he'll make it. He seems ok. But I'm on the edge. I am tired. But so thankful that I've managed not to get sick myself. *knock on wood*

Prayers Please

Hubs still isn't doing too well. He's having a lot of blood pressure issues.

They have him on two different antibiotics and albuterol breathing treatments.

He was able to cough up a lot of stuff today which is good but then he started having problems with spasms which started messing with his blood pressure.

I'm exhausted and just when I think things are ok, it goes down hill. Please pray for hubs.

I have to take him back to the ER later today so they can follow up with him. I thought he was better because he's not wheezing but tonight he said he's scared because of his low blood pressure.

I don't know what to think. A lot of these meds simulate low blood pressure symptoms. Dizziness, fatigue, etc... When I first put him to bed his blood pressure was really low which was to be expected because he had been through hours of spasming and they just stopped abruptly after putting him to bed. Which means his blood pressure plummets.

But now his blood pressure is reading normal...actually very good for him but he's, well, I don't want to say acting paranoid because I'm totally not dismissing his feelings or anything like that but he's scared and seems to be interpreting every thing as a sign. He seems to be having the side effects of his meds and because of the good readings for his blood pressure and heart rate, I try to reassure him with the numbers to let him know that no, his heart isn't racing and his numbers are good.

I don't even know if I am making sense. Everytime I try to get some rest he wakes me up. I'm just asking for prayers for a speedy recovery for Hubs. I don't even understand how this escalated so quickly seeing how quickly we responded to his symptoms and got him medical attention.

Should I dare to ask?

When will it ever end?

Everything seemed to be going just swimmingly and I was ready to wrap up everything. Sunday was to be my last very very very stressful day of the year or so I thought. Maybe I was looking forward to it too much or maybe I was bragging too loudly or something but it all culminated into one huge panic attack on Sunday between the two first holy communions and taking Hubs to the ER.



Let's back up to last Tuesday night when Hubs was telling me his throat was kinda sore. We didn't think too much about it because I had just changed the tubing on his mouthstick so we kinda chalked it up to that and moved on but then Wednesday he had a dry cough. We wondered if I had left soap on the tubing but I was sure I hadn't and washed it out two more times. I gave him some cough drops and we moved on.



By Thursday, he had thick mucus and he could not cough it up. I was worried. He was coughing all night long...no sleep. I gave him some chest decongestant and made him some chicken with rice soup. Friday was a little more of the same but I tried a new medicine on him and it seemed to do the trick he was good by about noon. Then it started again the hacking and wheezing and being up all night.


But then Saturday it was all sunshine and rainbows not a cough or wheeze or nothin. But come night fall there it was again. It causes him spasms and between the two it's up all night.



Well come Sunday, I was freaking out because as the time got closer to church, he was getting worse and worse. In fact at just the time the kids were getting ready to go he threw up and then in the church he was lightheaded to the point of nearly fainting. The whole hour I just wished it would hurry by.



The girls made their First Holy Communions and we were off to the ER.

Of course, by that time Hubs was feeling better. Actually about the time he was feeling better I was starting to get very painful chest pains on my right side. They got worse as we drove to the ER and by the time we got to the ER I was in full panic attack.

I haven't had one like that since, well since before my friend Karlton died almost 10 years ago. I remember it because that's when I found out that Dads don't do the things that my stepfather was doing to me. I hadn't known until my friend Karlton, a father of 4 and a damn good one, told me the limits.

I hate them, my hands and face go numb, everything goes brighter like an overexposed picture or something and my chest. I feel so much pressure.

But God had sent me an angel to be with me. I still have a post that I want to write about this woman and how great she is and how much she has helped us already but I want to save that for a post of it's own.

After the attack finally passed, we went in and they called Hubs back. They did two x-rays and he was clear. He has a little bit of liquid in his right lung but supposedly it's been there since his last x-rays. They gave him a breathing treatment, prescribed him an inhaler and a z-pack.

I thought that meant we would be ok. But yesterday was the worst. For some reason my head hurt so bad and Hubs was having problems and I was just trying to cope. I couldn't find the vaporub and I just gave up. I felt like I had hit bottom. I keep feeling like I'm some kind of joke for God's amusement. I keep asking for help because it's all too much and it's like he's laughing and shoving me forward trying to make me fall and telling me to suck it up.

So I quit. I quit asking for help. I was just thinking whatever, I'll buy more vaporub, I'll do nothing and I did. Sort of. I picked up one of my Joyce Meyer books and I swear it's like that woman is talking directly to me. (Thanks Karlton!)

She was talking about women and how they are stretched too thin and they have high expectations of themselves and they worry too much and they just have to let it go and give it to God.

Last night, I thought I might end up having to call an ambulance for Hubs, he was having catheter issues and he was dripping sweat. He couldn't breathe and his blood pressure was through the roof. I tried everything and I told him we needed to get him out of the chair to check some other things that might be the cause. As I stood over him trying to help him cough out phlegm so he could breathe before I lifted him I looked over at his bed and there on the footrest was the jar of vaporub.

I asked Hubs if the kids had found it and he said no one had been in the room and the door was shut the whole time. This was true because I had their Communion dresses on my bed and I didn't want the cats to get them.

The vaporub just appeared. I took it as a sign to put it on and gooped him up. He stopped coughing and he could breathe. He actually slept last night for the first time since we left for the Adoption. The room is silent right now as I type. He occasionally wheezes or coughs but nothing like the past few days. Maybe I am jumping the gun, maybe we aren't past anything but I still feel somewhat relieved for now.

This morning I asked the kids. They don't even know what vaporub is.

I. did. not. find. it.

I sat the new box next to the old jar and I stared at it. Holding back the tears I thanked God for hearing me and helping me when I thought all was lost and when I gave up. I don't think we are out of the woods yet but I feel a little stronger everytime I see the vaporub.

Thank you

What's going on with Miley?

Ok, I have to admit I don't really follow all that crap...are you shocked?

But the oldest, she's trying to live and breathe Hannah Montana and the whole Disney mess. I can only limit so much since it seems all the other parents are just lining up to waste their money on cds and magazines and they allow their kids to bring that crap to school.

I understand she is 15 years old. My daughter isn't. Even if she was I have to worry wonder about who these pop people are. I was naive when the kids were first placed with me. "Oh sure, Disney, go right ahead--make my kids brain dead." I trusted Disney, even though I have personal issues with the whole princess waiting for her knight bullshit. I learned quickly.

Trust no one, even in the land of animation.

But I noticed lately that MY radio station has been playing Miley and even the DJs are puzzled as to why they are playing it. I knew the transition was coming. She's getting too old and the exploitation machine has to jump on that ASAP.

But take a look at Miley. Who the hell is she? Or is she supposed to be. I originally saw photo shoot pictures on tv and could not figure out who that girl was and felt sorry for her. You can plainly see she is a child playing grown up. Look at what is supposed to be her "artistic pose" she looks so vulnerable. Isn't that hot for all the pedophiles? I mean I think of what is supposed to be her fan base and if they were truly at their age level and hadn't been sexualized yet, what would that picture say to you. I am assuming her target is from 6-9 by the snippets of her show that I have seen.

I think in a weird stray from the norm, if you wanted a picture like that of your child "crossing over" from child to young adult--maybe by a stretch you could have a photo like that done up. It would be pretty gross in my opinion but hey, my mother used to have a photo keychain of me as an infant naked in the bathtub, full frontal. So to each their own, but for God's sake- that's private. Not to be published in mass you know?

What have they done to this girl? Does she really have a sense of herself? I mean she's Miley/Hannah/Britney/Lindsay-- does she even have a chance despite her father's riding on the coat tails of her success support?

Time In A Bottle

I know it's almost a month later but I wanted to share what Hubs got me for our one year "paper" anniversary. I have to admit I was shocked and I wasn't sure what kind of expression to make because I really wasn't sure.

At first, when I saw the box and it's shape and even when I opened it and it was filled with paper shavings I thought "he better have not". See, we had both been online seperately searching the Internet in the hopes that something inspirational would land our way when I came across toilet paper that said "Happy First Anniversary". I chuckled and shared it with Hubs because the quote the company gave as a testimonial was "She cried!". I was telling him...suuure she cried, but not in a good way. So I thought he might have gotten me the toilet paper since I had seemed to be so amused with it.

But luckily for him me he didn't. Instead he got me this and I have to admit once I had opened it and read it, I cried.

When I first took it out, I was like "Oh!... Look Oprah's favorite most romantic gift!" (yeah, I'd come across it on the web too.) The feel of the wood casing is soooo smooth. I was so surprised.

When I opened it there was this inside. Blue is my favorite color. Inside the bottle was a personal message written by Hubs.

It was the message that made me cry. "Our Song" is Time in a Bottle and his message captured all of it. Us coming together and being a family. I'm about to tear up right now thinking of it.

It was just perfect, like him.

The Beginning of the End...

Ok, I know I have so given this up before but I had excuses to go back. Now, I don't. This was my last can of Coke. I will no longer buy Coke unless I am eating out or some such and they have no fruit punch or lemonade or something.

I know this is mainly what has made me fat and I don't want to be fat. It sucks. So, I am going back to my non soda drinking self from less than two years ago.

Buh Bye!