Yeah, I've been avoiding you...

Right before I posted my last post, I had taken EVERY picture off my camera and had realized I had so many to share.

The next time I went to my computer, it was off. I thought I had missed a power outage because I wasn't home. So I tried to turn my computer back on...

This is where my heartbreak begins. My hard drive failed.

I am trying to be good and not to cuss in this post, I thought I had stayed away long enough to be ok with it. But I lost all my pictures. All my GS pictures...everything from this year. I know it could be worse but still.

I also lost all my homeschool units I had prepared.

I know back up, blah blah blah. IT is my field and I always tell people to back up. I've even backed up many servers. I've just never backed up MY stuff.

I know. I suck.

My baby is at the doctor's being fixed up. It's all under warranty which is nice. When I go pick her up, however, I will try not to flinch when I drop $300+ for the time capsule to back her up. *sigh*

For now, I'm using this itty bitty Netbook, which means I can only see a paragraph of what I have typed at a time and the format of my blog does not come in.

I should get my baby back this week, did I mention I miss her and want her back? ...now.

I have got to post more often

So much to share and pictures, pictures, pictures!

I know I've been saying that for forever.

This one is going to be a quick one though. I have to transfer Hubbins to bed.

Ok....drum roll.....

I actually got to soak in my tub today. It's been over two years since I've been able to get a chance to do that.

2.years.

I have a garden tub, I think that's what it's called. You know those big ones that can fit two people? One of those. I used to use it all the time. But I've only used it once since the kids were placed.

I also got to read a MAGAZINE while I was soaking!

SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel great. I added this lavender soak packet to the water that's supposed to ease muscle aches and pains. It was heaven.

ahhhh!

I promise... I will write more. Still busy getting homeschool up and running and finishing those last summer things outdoors before it gets too cold. Which looks like it will be soon considering we have a freeze warning tonight.

The dogs are in and everyone is out like a light!

Hope all is well with you guys!

Sad Dog Day...

Madigan had a vet appointment yesterday. He LOVES his vet. Adores her in fact. He will do anything for her. Literally.

Yeah, it's disgusting to watch. I only wish I had taken a pic on the way INTO the vet.

Anyhow, every time we are there, there are usually some dogs and maybe a cat or two in the waiting room. This time there was no one but us when we arrived. He was in doggie heaven. He had Dr. Dora ALL to himself.

But on the way out, it just wasn't to be his day. There were a pair of little chihuahuas in the waiting room. Since he had his rabies shot that day, they hand engraved him a new tag with the numbers on it. What this means is usually we would have been gone before Dr. Dora came out for the next patient. Today, Madi watched as she reached out and took the littlest chihuahua from the owner and gushed about her.

It was funny, it was sad and it was embarrassing all at the same time. Lil Madi could not believe his eyes. Dr. Dora was cheating! His head whipped from the dogs to Dr. Dora about 5 times in the span of that many seconds. I was trying to tug him out of the office and he was not having it. He had to see.

I yanked him out and he managed to pull back and smash his nose against the glass door to get another look. To say he was devastated would be an understatement. (*snicker* I know BAD mama) Anyhow, he squatted down with his hind legs and front legs firmly planted on the ground and I had to drag his butt across the parking lot. I mentioned embarrassing right?

In the car, he didn't even try to look out the window like he normally does. He just looked so sad and empty, like the picture above. He had snot that kept threatening to start running down his face. It was so pathetic.

I believe he is a woman hater now. Jaded little boy he is. Case in point...when we got home, he was totally pissed at me. Dirty looks and everything. I had stopped at the chicken place to pick up dinner on the way home and tried offering him my biscuit and he just looked at me like he'd rather starve than take a biscuit or anything from me.

To test it out, I put the biscuit in Dad's hand and told him Dad wanted him to have his biscuit. He jumped up and nearly swallowed the thing whole. Hubbin's chuckled of course.

I'm sure by his next appointment he will have forgotten Dr. Dora's indiscretion but there's part of me that wonders if he will remember... if when she goes to give him a doggie treat he'll look at her with disgust.

Chances are he's a mama hater and not a woman hater... because isn't everything our fault? lol

This side of normal...

I wrote this yesterday, but for some reason it didn't publish.

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Homeschool started Monday at my house. I have to admit, I was NOT looking forward to it. Last year, homeschool was about disciplining behaviors and teaching the kids things they should have already known. Like the alphabet and how to add, etc... Remember, I was homeschooling: 1st, 2nd,3rd, and 4th grades.

Mainly it was about dealing with bad behaviors though. I know I am less than 1 week into it but I am thrilled. Especially with the boy. He will be 8 this year and had not read one word until Monday.

Monday he read FOUR books by himself (there are four, one slipped as I took the pic). I could have swore to you on Sunday that I thought all that time I spent going over the alphabet and all the phonics books and letter writing he did last homeschool year was a waste. I had taken him back to Pre-K and I was beyond frustrated.

However, I do have a confession. I think his decision to read came on the heels of lunch that very same day. You see, I had to take Poufy for her blood to be drawn (still checking her thyroid) and the oldest to get her first pair of glasses. What that has to do with anything is that I stopped at McDonald's for lunch and got them all happy meals.

Once home the kids were all reading off the boxes and the boy was staring at the Hot Wheels stuff on his. He told the girls that he thought the guys on the side of the box were the bad guys. The oldest quickly confirmed that they indeed were the bad guys because it said it RIGHT THERE on the box. The boy looked sheepish and then of course I HAD to go there and say "See, if you knew how to read, you would have read that." He stared at the box. Right after lunch, I pulled out The Cat and The Hat and decided to give it a go. Except that copy was destroyed by my oldest niece, A, over a decade ago. So then I pulled out the BOB books. Little did I know...

It's day three of homeschool and he has read 9 books and shows no signs of stopping. He runs to Hubbins after he reads each one and shows him. He's so proud.

That first day of school, I think it was the best day ever for him. They all made pizza for dinner that night with Hubbins. He was so happy. It had been awhile since he was able to help out. Especially with dinner. When they don't listen or pay attention, it's too dangerous to have them in there to help cook.

As I was tying his apron on, he said something that almost made me cry. I even wrote it down so I could document it on here.

He said: "I've really been wanting this, if CDQ were to behave we can get together and ALLLL cook together."

It made me sad and angry. Watching him that day, he was like a normal four year old. Yes, I know he is seven. Those words made me realize how hard it must be for him being so young and not knowing so much. It also made me realize that even though I regret the adoption, it is still the best thing for them to be together.

I know I have to write a post to describe why some things are changing for the best around here and I will get to that, but for now, I want to focus on this good stuff. Maybe next time... I know I have a lot of catching up to do.

New Kitchen Table

So, many moons ago I bought this large table from Goodwill for $30. I was tired of our old counter height table and since Hubbins has a new shorter wheelchair, I was looking for something new. This table is big. It's slightly taller than me when standing up on its side. I'm not very tall but still...lol

I think it might have been in a country themed kitchen before because of the blue paint on it. It took me forever and a day to strip it. I was delighted to find that it was real wood throughout. SCORE!

Anyhow, the paint stripper didn't really work well. At first it seemed like it was magic but then I realized it would be faster for me to just sand through all the layers.

In the end, I ended up staining the beautiful wood with red mahogany, I put a couple of poly coats to protect it and here is the finished project. Just in time for fall. I love that it's so warm and inviting. I know, the rest of the kitchen isn't warm and inviting, yet. I just need to do something with my kitchen...don't worry, plans are in the works. I have been gathering pictures of what I think I might want to do in there and from my research, I might be able to pull it off myself.

BTW, the chairs are a craigslist find. There were exactly six to the set. They have to be redone but I will get to that later. They were only $10 a piece and they are real wood as well.

Next up, my new desk that I redid from the awesome thrift store in town.

Too True Tuesday...

Essie, over at Accidental Mommy, is hosting too true Tuesday and this week we are sharing the best of the worst parenting advice that we have received from anyone.

Two gems right off the bat are from the adoption social worker when I told her about the kids rages. One was to lock the child outside alone and the other was to rip up my carpets and paint my floors.

The reason why these two nuggets were the worst was because this woman tried to convince me that these behaviors were normal (all this was before diagnosis) and she was an adoptive mother of special needs kids herself! See, the particular child who was raging at that time had been locked out even in the dark when she was having a rage at her previous foster home and here the social worker was basically telling me to feed her fear even more by throwing her out. I thought it was outrageous.

The painting of the floor is when I told her that they were using the restroom in the corners of the rooms all over the floor. She told me to rip my carpet up (this in three different rooms) and just paint the floor until it passes. I gave up on her when she told me that. It was just so totally redonkulous. I understand that some of our kids have/had these issues...but I had FOUR going at the same time. The rest of us are just supposed to live in a toilet bowl?

Another little gem came from the play therapist who wanted me to force hugs and affection on my kids. I know this one might be iffy with some parents. But having been molested myself and forced to give hugs and kisses, I was not going to make my children feel like that. She told me " I just can't wrap my head around a mother who won't love her kids, a mother who can't hug her children." WTF? Did she miss what I told her. When she got up to leave the room, I asked the kids if they wanted me to do what the therapist said or if they wanted me to wait until they were ready? It was a resounding WAIT! and they do come to me on their terms. I think the more appropriate thing would have been exactly what I did, which was to be available to them when they wanted and needed affection . Not to force it on them.

I have more, but I am trying to be good. LOL!

Visit Essie for more bad parenting advice...well, er... I mean Too True Tuesday worst parenting advice posts. *blush* Hi Essie!

Trying to focus on the positive...

I'm sure there are plenty of positives that I could post about but for right now, I am eternally grateful for this:

Yes, It is a box of canned pineapple. I have been eating pineapple every day because I read it helps with RA. (Shhh- I have to admit when I eat it, it makes my joints warm, especially in my wrists. Crazy huh?) Anyhow, I am grateful for the simple box in which I can just open the lid and access my pineapple. I am also grateful for the pop top lids that don't make me wrench my wrists on the can opener to open.

I was even more impressed by the design of the box.

It just lifts right open and folds flat.

Love. it. However, the box for my fruit cocktail. Do.not.love.

It's one of those where the side opens and the cans roll out.

It says it's perfect for the pantry...but my pantry...UGH! My pantry looks like this:

That's the kids offering to help put the groceries away. I needed the help so what can I say really? *sigh*

So to stay on a positive note, homeschool started today in my house. My "classroom" is still not completely set up, but slowly but surely I am getting there. When it's all complete, I'll come back with pics and give you all a classroom tour.

I baked back to school brownies last night. Ohhh were they good. I couldn't finish mine so Hubbins did it for me.

I could sure go for one of those brownies right now. lol

The worst one yet

So the Friday before last, I was not in a good place at all. Not even close. I was having what I thought was a bad RA flare up...but it only got worse and didn't leave until Thursday night. I f'in hate it.

I am in pain. Toes, ankles, hips, wrists, fingers, elbows and shoulders in total pain and just like that- Bam! It's gone. Like a freakin' switch was flipped off or something.

I don't have insurance. Why? Because when I tried to sign up at work they told me I didn't make enough money and referred me to the state and when I contacted the state I make $60 over so I don't qualify...so where does that leave me?

My middle fingers on both hands have started to turn and at one point during the week my finger between my pinky and my middle finger was nearly pointed inward towards my middle finger...this on both hands. I don't know how it works but that part is less noticeable right now.

I'm always tired and I feel sick. I have what I imagine hot flashes feel like. I feel like my head is on fire at times or like right now as I type...my hands are on fire.

It's a total mindf&%*...for lack of a better word that truly encompasses what I feel right now. All the things I have to do that require my hands, all the things I want to do and all the things I love to do. All require my hands.

I keep thinking about how excited I was to be getting away from my dead end job in a dead end town and how finally my life was mine and the world was opened to me. I can't quite see where I lost it all but it definitely feels like it was yanked away in the blink of an eye.

I've always been a fighter, but this time...I just don't want to fight anymore.

I don't see anything worth fighting for. It's all gone. There is nothing left.