Mother's Day

Well, Hubbins tried his best and did a good job to try to patch the day up for me.  But in the end it was Hubbins and the oldest who wished me a happy mother's day.  I can't forget either how Purries and Smudge greeted me in song when I walked through their "bedroom" door this morning. Lots of kitty love. The others...well, I just didn't exist for them today. 

Even my baby sister texted me happy mother's day, but she still slips and calls me mommy sometimes. (long story).  

I didn't expect anything from them, but it just sometimes reaffirms in me that I made a huge mistake. RAD or not. I know people say that adopted children are the same as bio children, but I just don't feel that way.  I also know my situation is different. 

Sometimes I feel like I cheated all of us by going through with the adoption. Sometimes, I feel like I cheated them out of a mother because maybe it would have been easier for them to attach to a complete stranger. And I feel like I cheated Hubbins and myself out of children because I struggle with the whole bio child issue and how these kids can and will damage any children we might have. Mentally, sexually, physically. 

GS makes it even harder when I am with all the "normal" kids.  I did day camp with them on Saturday and their love and affection just flows so freely and they are so carefree and innocent.  It's hard to switch from that place where those kids are genuinely happy and engaged and come back in to the tension and unhappiness and coldness.

Literally, coming in from the warmth of our yard with those kids, into our home. Why weren't my kids out? Because they had already started their "holiday" behavior. Stealing, lying, hating.  I had to protect the kids outside from my kids.  Because with my kids, it's totally acceptable to brag about how you broke a boys nose just because he sat too close to you. (which I don't even believe it is true) but with those kids, it makes them scared and sad to hear that and they actually cry just to hear the words. All I need is for them to tell their parents. Then I have to explain how my kids lie.  

Anyhow, I hope everyone had a Happy Mother's Day! 

Wow! Has It Really Been That Long?

These days between blogging sure went by fast!

Well, the first week of school flew by fast. Funny enough the headline in the paper two days after my last post was that the bus agency was going to hire a security guard...go figure. Today when I left to drop the kids off at school the neighborhood kids were still standing out there, when I got back parents were taking them off to school. The bus company out here is the only one and it is independently opened. It sucks.

This morning Hubs got a call 5 minutes after school started. I wasn't quite home yet because we live about 7 minutes away. It was the boy's teacher. The boy said we weren't feeding him. He wanted to go to the cafeteria. I can think of some choice words to post here because of my anger. Hubs was even more pissed since he sits with them and watches them eat, trying to teach them to eat like civilized people and not like animals. Literally. If only you knew. Those with RAD kids know the grossness I am talking about.

At any rate, I started this post 4 hours ago. I thought I'd pop into my website account with The Oldest's School (where I am a troop leader) and add some Girl Scout Information, that was hours ago and I finally got a rough outline going of what I want. sheesh!

Back to school night is (now)tonight. I will be meeting parents as a GS leader for the first time. *blankly staring around the room* I hope I don't do that tonight. lol

I'll have to update about the house another time. Also, about Poufy's doctor appointment today. She may have Grave's Disease or Hashimoto's something or other. I'm not going to stress until her bloodtests come back.

Hope all is well with everyone.