The First Day Of Middle School

I'm going to write this down because Lord knows I will never tell you this...or at least I don't think I will. I probably won't remember all my feelings.

Today you started middle school. I could tell you were nervous, scared, and excited. You showered and dressed the quickest I have ever seen you in the past 2 and a half years. Even though you don't want to admit it, I think you like your school uniform. lol

I also think you don't want to admit it, but you like the fact I take your picture on the first day of school. Dad was up to see you off as well. He teased you and told you to say "superstar" for the camera. My guess is that he wanted you to impersonate Molly Shannon (I think that is her name being as I only saw a commercial and never saw the movie.) because of your catholic school uniform. You declined because you aren't about to act silly. I don't know why you get so embarrassed about everything. Maybe it's just your age.

Last night as I transferred Dad into bed, I told him "You have a daughter who starts middle school tomorrow." He said "I know, I'm old." I told him he was right, he is :-) It's still kind of hard to believe. I was there when you were born. I was one of the first people to hold you and now it's 12 years later.

I snuck a note into your backpack. It was just to let you know you'd be ok and you'd have an excellent day and make plenty of friends and that we loved you. I signed it Mom and Dad. I was nervous about that. Nervous because I didn't know if it was going to embarrass you or how you would feel about me signing Mom and Dad.

I want to write this down because I want you to know what I was thinking and how I felt and that these days do matter to me, probably more than they matter to you. After I dropped you off and left the school parking lot. I was sad and proud, that combination equals tears. lol

Sad because I have a baby in middle school and proud because you are so smart and so brave. I found a card last night that you had made for Dad. It was addressed to Uncle and it said that you would always remember him and there are just a few more years before you would be gone and how those years would fly by. It was clear you are planning to leave the minute it's legal for you to do so. I hope you don't. I mean, you can't stay forever. lol But I hope by that time you feel that this is home and not just a temporary place. I want you to have that. I want you to feel like you have a home and place to come back to. I've never had that and I think it's important. I'm planning for it.

At 8 am, when the living room clock chimed, I told Dad your day had started. I said a little prayer for you.

I love you more than you'll ever know. Probably because I forgot to tell you that when I dropped you off and was interrogating the crossguard. lol Sorry! But in my defense, you forgot too!

So, I'm saying it now, I love you (Drooler! )