As the hour was quickly approaching for us to leave for the therapist's office, the kids behavior just escalated out of control. Pouting, whining, fighting, just ickiness.
Even *I* had a temper tantrum (that's a whole other post) before we left. There was tension in the room when we got there. Lot's of questioning, sighing and BS.
Bottomline, my kids do not want to be there and it makes me uncomfortable to the point that I actually no longer want to be there. I am trying to be their armour from the therapist because they are too scared to tell her they don't want to go.
They keep saying they want to do other things and the therapist thinks I have put that into their head. I haven't. Believe me...I just see $$$$ when they talk about cheerleading, basketball, soccer and dance. $$$$$$$$$---gas, uniforms, accessories, shoes, etc... OY!
Of course when I say what other things, they have a laundry list. I've asked them but what if you don't get to do any of those things? They don't want to go back.
So this puts me in the position where I am being drilled, interrogated, doubted,and not believed. That equates to waste of time.
I tried to explain to the therapist that when her name was mentioned last Friday, my household, my schedule...it went to hell in a handbasket. The kids reverted back to the way they were and it seemed like they thought "this is what I have to do, this is what I have to be."
The therapist's explanation is that I threatened their happy home and they were putting on appearances to keep it together and they just couldn't keep it up.
I call BS because I think if we didn't have to go back we would still be on a schedule.
The other thing, that I don't know why the kids don't mention, is that they want to be home and they want me to be home with them. They want to bake things, have game night, read stories, play on the Wii. They want a schedule. They want to live.
Today's theme was all about how I wasn't home. One day, 45 minutes at a Starbucks 10 minutes from my house I met with a lady from Girl Scouts to pull things together. You would have thought I was gone for 5 years.
They want me home.
When we left the office, we were still all wound up so I decided to drive the 5 minutes to the nearest McDonald's and let them at the play gym.
We had never done this before because I have heard some horror stories about what goes on in those play areas. Children going potty in them so they don't have to leave them is one that comes to mind right away, lol!
But it was all good. We ended up running into the ex-husband of the previous Girl Scout leader. The kids were up visiting him and my kids got to play with them again. It was really nice. Hubs and I ate (a lousy dinner, haha) in peace while they played. We came home and they showered. Hubs read them a Curious George Book and they are as far as I can hear--sound asleep!
I'll eat cold fries and a soggy cheeseburger anytime if this will be the outcome. We will definitely do that again.
But what it boils down to is this...
1.) My kids want me home. Time goes by fast and there is going to come a time when they won't even be home. If I don't jump on this now, it too will pass me by. They want me.
2.) My kids want to move forward. They have been hurt and they have been traumatized but they don't want to talk about it anymore. They don't want to remember because it scares them. In a way, I feel like therapy is keeping these "ghosts" alive.
3.) If we never are together all at once or even individually for that matter, how are we supposed to bond? In the waiting room 45 minutes a day?
It seems like once the ride takes off, it hits a wall because we are torn apart again.
If you don't have a therapist to help with attachment issues, and you have a therapist that focuses on all the bad in the child's life, how can you bond when the child is living in a constant state of fear and trauma?
My kids are telling me they need this now. I'm not ruling out therapy forever but for here and now... despite how awful the therapist is making us feel. I think this is the right thing to do.
1 comment:
That woman is pissing me off.
I've never been much of a therapy believer. I think people tend to dwell. Rosa once said that one shouldn't "set up camp in it" and that's always been in the back of my head since she said it. I think a lot of people pitch a tent in the middle of their problems and that's the only view they ever have. I'm more of a 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps' kind of person. Granted, I've never had the trauma the kids have had, but I think if you dwell on it, then it supports the idea that its too big to get over. I don't know if I'm making sense. But it seems to me that instead of the past, the therapist should have been helping them adjust to the present. The past can't be changed, and they won't understand it until they're older. Way older.
But they can be made to feel safe and loved and learn new behaviors.
I'm rambling.
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