It's 2 am and I'm contemplating another load of laundry and another coat of paint and touch ups.
I'm tired, exhausted really but I can't sleep.
These are the times I wish for a normal simple life. I wish I had a family, friends, and that my husband wasn't disabled. I wish for some help. I wish for a break from the shitty-ness that is my existence.
It's not all bad, but I'm not going to lie. It's too hard, too much, too unbearable. I see life passing me by like a game of jump rope that I can't seem to jump in on. I have millions of questions and no answers, just an echo.
This isn't a pity party, it is what it is. The realization of truth and what is real. With all the chaos and madness in my home, my world is still quiet, empty, and gray. It's not depression. It's just life. No more yellow. I can't seem to get my yellow back. This time it's gone.
The irony is that people think I'm amazing. They tell me that I keep them going and that I give them strength. How sad is that? If only they knew.
I'm hollow, empty, there is nothing left.
3 comments:
Let me encourage Zen by saying that you are not alone,many people feel like this and sonetimes me too.
If we look at our troubles in the light of eternity then we know that they are light and momentary.
I also wish I had help and someone was there to make me a cup of tea and cook a meal for me.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) I hope you can find some sunshine in your day today somewhere.
Oh Sasha, this makes me sad.
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