because I'm sick of the last post being up...

I've tried writing posts to explain what is going on here, but instead of a post it looks more like a swear word handbook. 

I guess I am not ready to write about it yet. Maybe in a few weeks when it's said and done. 

Tomorrow I am going to try to give Hubbins a break. He hasn't left the house since December because of his pressure sores which still haven't healed.  I was so convinced if he stayed in bed they would heal so I made a deal with him if he stayed in bed until Friday I would take him to see a movie.  No real improvement but he stayed in bed. I know tomorrow isn't Friday but I figured it would be better than Friday since all schools will be let out. I'm going to drop him and the oldest off at the movies so they can see the Star Trek movie.  I get to come back home with the other 4. I had plans to take them to a different movie, but they just can't pull it together and I am NOT about to spend $60 so we can just get up and leave before the movie even starts. I didn't even tell them about it so they couldn't sabotage it. 

Anyhow, I have a post I need to write about how CDQ hates me. Honestly...the feeling is mutual right now. Totally.  Let it be known that I am declaring my feelings right here and right now that this child will be a serial killer if any of them ever become one.  She is so hateful and she never does anything wrong and she lies as the day is long and of course she would be the one to develop at 9 years old. She's dying to have sex already. All I need is a 10 year old with a kid. She'd happily spend the whole day masturbating if she could. 

I have to admit that some of what she wrote gave me a good chuckle because don't you know I've called her a misfit and she's just a lonely misfit?  Yeah...like I've ever used that word in my life or orphan for that matter. Guess those historic diary books I allowed her to check out at the library are coming back to bite me in the ass. She's just looking for ammo against me. You'll get a good laugh when I tell you what her ammo is.  

One good thing, the oldest is starting to open her eyes. She went on and on about how she wasn't going to do this or that with her kids. I think CDQ's journal entry was an eye opener for her with what I am truly dealing with, plus she had a few half days at school recently which had her home at lunch time so she could see exactly what we deal with. I think she's scared and she's sad because she wants a "normal" family. I feel for her, that's all I've ever wanted too and now I've gone and ruined any chance of that. 

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the oldest. Whoo hoo. 

Next week, life begins. 

It's over...

Me...God... on the outs. 

Totally over. 

That is all. 

Mother's Day

Well, Hubbins tried his best and did a good job to try to patch the day up for me.  But in the end it was Hubbins and the oldest who wished me a happy mother's day.  I can't forget either how Purries and Smudge greeted me in song when I walked through their "bedroom" door this morning. Lots of kitty love. The others...well, I just didn't exist for them today. 

Even my baby sister texted me happy mother's day, but she still slips and calls me mommy sometimes. (long story).  

I didn't expect anything from them, but it just sometimes reaffirms in me that I made a huge mistake. RAD or not. I know people say that adopted children are the same as bio children, but I just don't feel that way.  I also know my situation is different. 

Sometimes I feel like I cheated all of us by going through with the adoption. Sometimes, I feel like I cheated them out of a mother because maybe it would have been easier for them to attach to a complete stranger. And I feel like I cheated Hubbins and myself out of children because I struggle with the whole bio child issue and how these kids can and will damage any children we might have. Mentally, sexually, physically. 

GS makes it even harder when I am with all the "normal" kids.  I did day camp with them on Saturday and their love and affection just flows so freely and they are so carefree and innocent.  It's hard to switch from that place where those kids are genuinely happy and engaged and come back in to the tension and unhappiness and coldness.

Literally, coming in from the warmth of our yard with those kids, into our home. Why weren't my kids out? Because they had already started their "holiday" behavior. Stealing, lying, hating.  I had to protect the kids outside from my kids.  Because with my kids, it's totally acceptable to brag about how you broke a boys nose just because he sat too close to you. (which I don't even believe it is true) but with those kids, it makes them scared and sad to hear that and they actually cry just to hear the words. All I need is for them to tell their parents. Then I have to explain how my kids lie.  

Anyhow, I hope everyone had a Happy Mother's Day! 

RAD Webinar

Katharine Leslie is going to be doing a webinar.  May 18th. 10 AM to 11:30 AM CST.  $30.00  Grab all your fellow Radical mom's, invite them over for tea and split the cost. Continuing education credits will be issued if you need/want them.  Dr. Leslie presents at Attach every year and gets rave reviews.  Also a parent to radicals which gives her big stars in my book. ;-)  She doesn't just "get it", she lives it.

 

Parenting from the Trenches
Do you have a child who lies, steals, sneaks, stalks, hordes, chatters non-stop, or urinates in places other than the potty, etc? In this webinar Dr. Leslie will teach you essential, sensible, safe and effective solutions to your child's behavior problems that can also increase positive behaviors in your child, create an attachment friendly environment, simplify daily life, reduce family conflict, and even get some of your parental needs met. Dr. Leslie will weave lecture material around questions from the audience.

 

AGENDA
This is a 90 minute Webinar

 

Quick overview of attachment and brain facts

 

What children are supposed to give to the parent-child relationship

 

What do you really want from your child?

 

Preventing negative behaviors

 

Rehearsing positive behaviors

 

Punishment vs consequences: What's good for you?

Click Here to sign up.

From my family...

Check out this link...click here.

What I have been up to...

Last week went like this... Wednesday, visit to the local Fire Station for a tour, Friday- trash pickup and talk about Global Warming before heading out to the movies to see "earth" in honor of Earth day. Saturday and Sunday, sleepover where all three levels were trying to earn a combined total of 20 some odd patches.  We had a thunderstorm, which took out the power and changed the majority of the outdoor plans I had for the patches...we had a pizza mix up which ended with half the pizza not ever making it to our house and we he a couple of other set backs. But all in all, it went well. 

The night of the sleepover, I had possibly my worst arthritis flare ever. My foot could not have any pressure on it, not my slipper, not even a sock. I couldn't walk. Thankfully, everything had wound down by the time it got to that point, but I was worried and scared because I wasn't able to get Hubbins to bed until around 3 am because I couldn't walk or move. I had to take an aspirin, 2 aleves and put heat on it, just to get it down to a dull pain so I could move. I've never seen my top of my foot and my ankle so big. Plus, apparently it was turning in sideways. I hadn't seen it, but when I tried to test it to step down on it and see if I could, I realized it was pulling to a straight position. I was in so much pain and didn't take a pic of it, but I do have a picture of my finger from the other day. I will upload it when I download the pics off the camera.

For now, I have to prepare for tomorrow's community service project meeting and then after that the Day Camp on Saturday. 

I'm almost done. We have a police station tour on Monday, scrapbooking meeting next Wednesday and then our ceremony and we are done for they year. Well, I will be done as a leader too because I won't be returning.  I will miss the girls but it will be great to be rid of all the rest of the bs. 

I am also slowly making the rounds in the blogosphere. I am behind on my reading and even more behind on my commenting, since I have read more and thought to myself, I need to leave a comment but haven't gone back to say what I wanted to yet.  Make sense? lol

I still have posts of things I want to share with y'all but need the time to post it.  After May 21st I will be free! 

Why I am a dip$%^&..Part 1..(cuz I'm sure it won't be the last time.lol)

Ok, just as I was getting ready to type up a post about why I am sooooo far behind... I realized something... I am wearing one of Hubbins shirts. $%^&.  But that's not too bad... what's bad is it's backwards.  I'm wearing the frickin shirt backwards. The tags were scraping at my neck. 

What makes it worse. I've been wearing it backwards since last night.  Yeah. I know I put it on last night for a pj shirt and I ended up wearing it all day today backwards. What's more. I hosted 24 children (5 were mine) for a sleepover at my home. So that means, we played games from around the world outside with my shirt backwards, we did singing and dancing competitions with my shirt backwards, I taught them square dancing and the box step with my shirt backwards amongst other things AND parents picked up their kids and looked me in the eyes with a straight face and talked to me... with my shirt backwards! F%^&. 

What's EVEN more. Yeah, there is more. It's the second time in 3 days that I've worn a shirt backwards. Friday I took 26 kids to the movies to see "earth". When I got home, I took off my GS uniform and threw my shirt on and got right to prepping for the sleepover. 

I was talking to the oldest about some plans when she asked me if my shirt was on backwards...the kicker? This shirt has graphics across the front. Soooo, on my back was a picture of Grumpy from the Care Bears (tears are rolling down my face as I type this and picture myself  with this shirt on backwards) and it says I *heart* being grumpy.  Ahh man. crud. lol 

At least my back was to the wall when they realized it, I had to shoo them away because I was NOT about to walk away with my back towards them and the front of my shirt facing them. 

Hubbins must think I have lost my mind because I am sitting here and bursting into fits of laughter every few minutes. I gain my composure and then I go into a giggling fit as images cross my mind of what a fool I looked like. 

And to think, I keep telling the boy he's too old to be putting his shirts on backwards. Especially when they have batman or spidy or something on the front! 

Karma baby. LOL!