It's 3 am...

and I am so stressed.

1.) I have a reader from Tucson, AZ and I don't want to scare anyone off but I'm hoping it's not relatives.

2.) I'm angry that I have to worry about relatives reading my blog.  Well, not really relatives but the kids bio mom.

3.) Part of me doesn't want to care and the other part thinks I should move my blog...but then I think when will it ever end...

4.) I hate my so called family.

Do you guys have family that is just plain out trash? That's how I feel about my family. I'm going to lay  out there what I know. My grandmother has alzheimers. Her husband and some of her kids have been ripping her off. Her other kids don't even care enough to take care of her.

My mom is doing all her daily care.

Case in point, My mom was at my grandma's house this past week helping her out around 2 pm. In the course of looking for a drinking glass she discovered that mice had been in my grandmother's cupboards and had eaten cornbread mix and whatnot. Then she gave my grandmother a shower (she is the only one who does this) and discovered that my grandmother has been throwing her underwear out and only has four pairs which were all dirty. To make a long story short, she calls me at 7:30 pm to discuss moving arrangements and I find out that she's just leaving my grandmother's house because she had to do the laundry and make sure she is fed.

I have an uncle who tries, but the rest... I don't know. One aunt is a recluse, the other is too busy with her life in California and the third aunt wants to puke at the thought of bathing my grandmother.  Her other son seems to show up when it suits him. She had six children and this is what it has come to.

I'm pissed because here I am, yes, I am the caretaker for a million people (so it seems) but I work from home, my house is ADA, I actually have a manual wheelchair and a shower chair and a shower she can get into (her home has a bathtub/ shower setup only) and I don't need ANYBODY'S money.  I'm hiring my mom to work for me as a nanny/housekeeper. Someone is here 24/7.

Everybody is soooo worried now. Only one aunt knows most of the situation here.  I have an aunt and an uncle that know that Hubbins is a quadriplegic and none of them save the one aunt knows that I have adopted my half sisters kids. They only know that one of my nieces was killed.

I'm very concerned about my grandmother.  I even said if she did not come with my mother, I was going to call the hotline for the disabled and the elderly.  I can't understand these people.  I really can't. Only my aunt who is a recluse has severe health issues. The rest are just worthless. I mean look at all I have already, it's nothing like them and they can't even take the time for her.  It makes me so angry and hurt.  My grandmother gave her entire life for them. She has and continues to put up with the abuse of my grandfather because she is one of those who is in it for life.

I hate that this has happened to her. I want to protect her from all the vultures. She hasn't been ruled incompetent but she doesn't have a durable power of attorney either. This would leave her at the mercy of her abusive husband who has a gambling problem should she be named incompetent. It's so scary.

I haven't been in the picture for the past 15 years or so because of her husband. I purged all toxic people out of my life then and he was one of them. She always chooses him because she doesn't believe she has another choice. This kills me.  I want no connection with the majority of those people who are supposed to be my family, but I'm not denying anyone access to her if she were to come live here except for the aunt who abused me and even then it's not access to my grandmother, I just don't want to see her. You know?

I can't understand why this has to be like this.  This is clearly the better place for her to be and they can keep on with their worthless lives without having to worry. Part of me thinks most of them are worried about her money and not her. I know my aunt who is sick is worried that I am taking on too much.  I worry that myself.  But you do what you gotta do. I need help and so does my grandmother and mother. I can't see why we can't all help each other out.  Hubbins and I are in a position financially to take them in and still be able to live comfortably without any monetary contribution from either of them.  They can use their money for what they need and not have to pay rent, food or utilities. We got all that.  So what's the problem?

It's some of their (her other children) insecurities and their inability to support themselves which is at stake. They should be honest.  I've never asked anyone for anything. Not a favor or a loan. I've always been able to support myself and have done so most of my life since I was a teen, even helping to support my mother and my sisters for a while by working 4 jobs while still putting myself through school.

As for me, no, I won't be able to purchase my grandmother a recliner or new clothes, but she has her own money for that and no I won't be able to pay my mom's bills but again she will have her own money for that... it's all just crazy to me.

My grandmother used to be a teacher's assistant for many years. I homeschool my kids, I can't think of a better way to help jog her mind by having her work with my kids if she feels up to it. She loved working with kids and all my kids are the right age range.

My grandmother loved to cook and she's always had a tiny kitchen and appliances that don't work. I have a large kitchen that my husband can do wheelies around in his motorized chair with room left over. My grandmother can't do stairs, we don't have any. We have ramps.

It makes no sense why they want to hand her a death sentence.

I don't even want to go into the way my own siblings have been treating my mother.

I am terrified. All I've ever wanted was a real family. I thought I was marrying into a pretty cool and close knit family and boy was that a slap in the face.

I am trying so hard to change this cycle and create the kind of family I always wanted for my children. I've discussed this with my mother. I know it's what she's always wanted for her children. We are both at a loss at how to make this happen.  I'm the only one who seemed to get the message.

Sorry this is so long, I feel a little better putting it out there. It's now 4 am. I probably won't sleep a wink until I know they are both here safely.