Mom?

Although I have plenty to say about my own Mom, this post isn't actually about her.

It dawned on me about 3 weeks ago that even though I will never be "mom" to these kids, I will be the "mom" they remember. I've been thinking of it as "Oh, I have to make this holiday or that event special so they will remember" but I never thought of the fact that I will be their mother figure.

When they think back about life and the memories they have, they will think of the traditions we have created...sure. But as Hubs and I reflect over traditions, no matter how good or bad our mothers were/are, we still refer back to the things that they have taught us and their mannerisms and their quirks and special talents.

I started to wonder if I was just full of myself or if, even though I am only an Aunt, these kids will remember me like Hubs and I remember our mothers.

Today (we were supposed to go to a Christmas party but we got snowed in sort of ), we ended up having the therapist drop in and then spent the good part of the afternoon sorting through clothes. Just seeing what fit and what needed to be passed on to other children. I had the girls doing the toe touch test to see if dresses were too short.

My 6 year old was bending over in a cute little Dora dress that I know she adores when I told her "nope! too short!" She grunted, stood up and twirled towards me and just threw her arms around me. She said "You are a very good Mom." and then she ran off.

Even now, as I type this, it's hard to choke back the tears.

Sometimes I wonder "why?" I've felt stupid cutting their sandwiches into dinosaur shapes or sending them notes written on their snacks. I even wonder why I'm killing myself with laundry until 4 am. They never seem to notice or care.

But I guess they do. In some weird way, that makes all the difference.