I didn't forget your birthday was yesterday either. I just couldn't. It's been a hard bittersweet week.
Do you know you would be a moldy oldie now!?!?! I was talking to Hubs and we were figuring it out. lol
It seems like a lifetime ago but I guess it's been 8 years? ( don't hold me to it my math is awful, well you know.)
I still miss you like crazy. I still cry when I think of you. I'm still having a hard time. I can still see you sitting in that skeleton of a car, holding up your black planner telling me that we had our meeting and that you were going to put it on the books. It was so weird, like I was supposed to be reassured about this meeting. Just the whole last time we were together was weird. I look back on it now and really wonder if you may have "knew". It was so important to you for us to be on the same page.
I'm sure I let you down because I never brought together your toy drive. I tried and there was just too much... what's the word I am looking for? ....hmmmm....too much BS. The woman who ran the college toy drive was so power hungry she shut me out, much like she does with everyone even though she is a no one.
I still have your scrapbook and all the notes that were given to me. I've kept them and have yet to compile them into the book. I didn't know how to tell people that I couldn't do it and it seemed so ridiculous to me for me not to do this little thing for you. Now I live with guilt because I still haven't compiled it and it does not belong to me. It belongs to Sharon and your children.
I feel bad because you thought so highly of me and I've let you down. I tried to show you I wasn't as great of a person that you thought I was. I'm not even there to keep your grave up like I used to. I hope that someone has although I fear that no one has.
You changed my life forever. You made it better. You cared when no else did. You opened my eyes and you were a real friend to me through thick and thin. I'm sorry I have let you down, but please know that I will never forget you and all you did for me. You will always be in my heart and I hope that you and my squishy are there together safe and happy.
Happy Birthday!
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