Twelve years ago today I quietly stood in the corner of a hospital delivery room and watched you come into the world. I was angry when the nurse walked towards me during your delivery to ask me how I was doing. I was fine, they had more important "stuff" to attend to.

3 months before that I had outed your mother to the world. She was 15 and she was pregnant and why wasn't anyone acknowledging it. I bought the pregnancy test that showed positive. I took your mother to her appointments. I bought you clothes and your very first car seat. I made sure you were ready to come home.

I tried to make sure you were well taken care of but I had 4 other kids I was caring for who seemed to need me more.
When I first realized that things weren't right, I called CPS to try and get you help. They did nothing. After many years and more babies, I stopped because no one would help.
If I had known how bad it really was for you, I would have never stopped and I wouldn't have ever let you go back. I didn't know that such heartless and cruel people existed. My world was still tinted pink with naivety.
This is your second birthday that we celebrate since your placement with me. You've grown into such a intelligent young lady, albeit a little rough around the edges but it's my job to teach you and polish you to help you shine.

I kept telling you to hold on to 11 and now I am going to keep nagging you to hold on to 12. They only come once and they go by so fast. When childhood passes, it's gone and as you know the world can be so very cruel. I only want happiness and the best for you. I know right now you can't understand that.
But hopefully, some day you will. I worry about you and the secrets that you keep. I hope you will grow to trust me and to understand I am only doing right by you. I hope you don't shut me out like your mother did and find yourself lost in a downward spiral. I keep telling you that you aren't her but I see you making so many of the same mistakes she did and it scares me.
You are so much smarter and better. I wish you knew that.

Happy Twelfth Birthday DROOLER*!
Love you.
*I used to call her Drooler when she was a baby because she was always drooling.