Two gems right off the bat are from the adoption social worker when I told her about the kids rages. One was to lock the child outside alone and the other was to rip up my carpets and paint my floors.
The reason why these two nuggets were the worst was because this woman tried to convince me that these behaviors were normal (all this was before diagnosis) and she was an adoptive mother of special needs kids herself! See, the particular child who was raging at that time had been locked out even in the dark when she was having a rage at her previous foster home and here the social worker was basically telling me to feed her fear even more by throwing her out. I thought it was outrageous.
The painting of the floor is when I told her that they were using the restroom in the corners of the rooms all over the floor. She told me to rip my carpet up (this in three different rooms) and just paint the floor until it passes. I gave up on her when she told me that. It was just so totally redonkulous. I understand that some of our kids have/had these issues...but I had FOUR going at the same time. The rest of us are just supposed to live in a toilet bowl?
Another little gem came from the play therapist who wanted me to force hugs and affection on my kids. I know this one might be iffy with some parents. But having been molested myself and forced to give hugs and kisses, I was not going to make my children feel like that. She told me " I just can't wrap my head around a mother who won't love her kids, a mother who can't hug her children." WTF? Did she miss what I told her. When she got up to leave the room, I asked the kids if they wanted me to do what the therapist said or if they wanted me to wait until they were ready? It was a resounding WAIT! and they do come to me on their terms. I think the more appropriate thing would have been exactly what I did, which was to be available to them when they wanted and needed affection . Not to force it on them.
I have more, but I am trying to be good. LOL!
Visit Essie for more bad parenting advice...well, er... I mean Too True Tuesday worst parenting advice posts. *blush* Hi Essie!
5 comments:
I am floored!
Take up your carpet and paint the floor? What on earth good would that do???? Ok, so far I think that is the best one!
Lock your kid outside? That should have got HER kids taken away!
Forced hugging does not work, it makes the kid resent hugging!
Those are priceless gems you got there! ;)
oh boy...that is some pretty bad advice alright?
Oh, I so totally agree with you about not liking the idea of forcing children to show affection. It just makes me cringe. Children have a right to privacy and to decide who they want to hug. Making them show affection and demanding that they be "fun to be with" and a "good family kid" bothers me a lot. I think it's a form of abuse.
Nobody is fun to be with all the time. Demanding that kids act perky and chirpy when they feel sad is a form of abuse. I wouldn't like to be told I have to be fun to be with when I'm not feeling it. I wonder about some of these therapists, particularly the ones who advocate cuddling a big kid in your lap like a baby while making them drink from a bottle or hand-feeding them candies. That seems sick to me and yet people follow that kind of advice in droves. Someday there'll be a backlash and that kind of therapy will be looked upon with horror.
BTW, that's ridiculous about ripping up your carpets and locking the child outside when she rages. Raging kids are out-of-control kids. They need reassurance to get themselves back on track. I'd drop that therapist like a bad habit.
Frankly, this post makes me want to throw up, not laugh. Well....I suppose bad advice is not always "laughable"... But...I was never abused, yet the very idea of "forced" hugs - and furthermore your sensitivity being thrown back at you with her amazement at your "lack" of love? How did you get out of her presence without blowing up?
Ever think that sensing what makes someone comfortable or uncomfortable might be loving? Good gosh.
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