This side of normal...

I wrote this yesterday, but for some reason it didn't publish.

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Homeschool started Monday at my house. I have to admit, I was NOT looking forward to it. Last year, homeschool was about disciplining behaviors and teaching the kids things they should have already known. Like the alphabet and how to add, etc... Remember, I was homeschooling: 1st, 2nd,3rd, and 4th grades.

Mainly it was about dealing with bad behaviors though. I know I am less than 1 week into it but I am thrilled. Especially with the boy. He will be 8 this year and had not read one word until Monday.

Monday he read FOUR books by himself (there are four, one slipped as I took the pic). I could have swore to you on Sunday that I thought all that time I spent going over the alphabet and all the phonics books and letter writing he did last homeschool year was a waste. I had taken him back to Pre-K and I was beyond frustrated.

However, I do have a confession. I think his decision to read came on the heels of lunch that very same day. You see, I had to take Poufy for her blood to be drawn (still checking her thyroid) and the oldest to get her first pair of glasses. What that has to do with anything is that I stopped at McDonald's for lunch and got them all happy meals.

Once home the kids were all reading off the boxes and the boy was staring at the Hot Wheels stuff on his. He told the girls that he thought the guys on the side of the box were the bad guys. The oldest quickly confirmed that they indeed were the bad guys because it said it RIGHT THERE on the box. The boy looked sheepish and then of course I HAD to go there and say "See, if you knew how to read, you would have read that." He stared at the box. Right after lunch, I pulled out The Cat and The Hat and decided to give it a go. Except that copy was destroyed by my oldest niece, A, over a decade ago. So then I pulled out the BOB books. Little did I know...

It's day three of homeschool and he has read 9 books and shows no signs of stopping. He runs to Hubbins after he reads each one and shows him. He's so proud.

That first day of school, I think it was the best day ever for him. They all made pizza for dinner that night with Hubbins. He was so happy. It had been awhile since he was able to help out. Especially with dinner. When they don't listen or pay attention, it's too dangerous to have them in there to help cook.

As I was tying his apron on, he said something that almost made me cry. I even wrote it down so I could document it on here.

He said: "I've really been wanting this, if CDQ were to behave we can get together and ALLLL cook together."

It made me sad and angry. Watching him that day, he was like a normal four year old. Yes, I know he is seven. Those words made me realize how hard it must be for him being so young and not knowing so much. It also made me realize that even though I regret the adoption, it is still the best thing for them to be together.

I know I have to write a post to describe why some things are changing for the best around here and I will get to that, but for now, I want to focus on this good stuff. Maybe next time... I know I have a lot of catching up to do.

Losing My Religion

I'm part of the Roman Catholic Homeschoolers in my area. I joined because I had no idea how to get started in homeschooling. When I signed up, it looked like it was going to be fun. Playdates with the kids, Mom's night out, field trips.

I didn't get to do any of those yet because I'm still "training" my kids amongst other things.

But lately the tone on the forum had changed. It was sinister, hateful and full of lies.

Some examples:

The left-wing knew about a PBS poll in advance (THEY CHEATED!) and we need to go vote for Palin--JESUS help US!

Obama wants to change the national anthem to "I want to teach the world to sing"-- FORGIVE US WE KNOW NOT WHAT WE DO!

Obama is Muslim-- GOD HAVE MERCY!

If you vote for someone who is pro-abortion you will be *gasp* EX-COMMUNICATED! and by your ownself to boot!

Worse yet, if you recieve communion having voted for a pro-abortionist (yep- pro-abortion- like it's something people cheer for! ABORTION! ABORTION! You know you want one! You know you need one! RAh Rah rah!, sheesh) "you yourself risk placing your soul going in hell"!!!!!!

Seriously... they've been posting this shit. I had enough. I'll bet you I get censored. But I had to say something. It's immature, it's hateful, it's lies. Is this the new Catholicism? Christianity in general?

For as long as I can remember abortion is something I have personally been against but would never tell someone else they could not do.

Even when I found out my mother had an abortion and that I could have had a full blooded sibling--one other person in this world, a real family, maybe someone like me-- I still could not be against it.

When Bela was murdered my feelings became even stronger. I don't doubt that abortion is painful. But I think that abortion of a fetus,baby, what have you is possibly less painful for the baby than to look in to your mother's eyes as she beats you or know that your Daddy who is supposed to love you so much has hurt you so bad you are dying.

I've held drug addicted babies as they've screeched from the pain of the light being to bright or the withdrawals being too much. Have you seen a newborn twitch in pain?

I've seen those babies growing up being destroyed, molested, abused, used.

I think it's worse when a 14 year old decides the pain of her life, the lack of love, caring and family hurts so much she would rather be dead and kill herself.

It's not to say that I don't care or love the kids I am talking about, but can't you just love a person so much you would rather they be in Heaven rather than living here in Hell?

I've seen what a lot of people can't fathom. They can't figure out why an abortion could be a better alternative. I've often wished that life circumstances could have been different and that I was the child who was aborted. No more pain. Just sweet Heaven.

Abortion will never be an answer for me and I can't put myself in another woman's shoes and know why she does it, but I don't need to know. It's something that she will live with for the rest of her life and only a decision she can make for herself.

Homeschooling here we come...

I have my number and I've officially gave notice to the state that I am homeschool Poufy and the boy.

This is my last resort attempt before things go really bad and we give them back.

I wanted to do this a year ago.

I totally hear what you are saying Kether and that is the place I am afraid of going back to believe me.

But for my own sanity. This is how it is. If I don't bring these kids in and teach them the right way, they are going to probably take all the kids from me just because of their lies.

I just talked to the boy's teacher. She called me because the boy has been late to school too many times and they are holding a slot for him in reading recovery.

Yep, reading recovery. I voiced my concerns last year that he was being socially promoted. I sent him to summer school where I was assured he was one of the brightest. In fact, I'm sure I blogged about it somewhere and BAM! week 2, "You are sooooo lucky your child was honored to be chosen for reading recovery." Maybe they assume if the child is dim so is the parent?

Anyhow, this is the second week of school...late? How many times, where is he?

At least those would be the questions but I was rather told that I needed to get him to school on time. Ok. I confess. The oldest had an early morning Doctor's appointment last week that ended tragically (for her) in her needing 4 shots. After many tears and hyperventilating, she got them and the kids got to school an hour late.

Then yesterday, there were full out meltdowns. Poufy and the boy were in full force. I should've just taken the other two to school on time but I felt like the meltdowns would die down soon enough. With the price of gas, I just can't be driving at their whim. So they were 17 minutes late. If you count that we were there at 7 minutes after and we waited for the forms until 17 after. I mean there were other kids that were late ahead of us that needed forms too.

So yes, he was late twice but she insists it was more than that and that it is my fault. She parents my children. Last year, Poufy was in her class. Poufy was scared of her so it worked for a little while. I told her that Poufy was not allowed to have candy. I kept Poufy from the halloween celebration because she had just had a gazillion caps put in and fillings and the dentist said no sticky stuff. I asked about Rice Krispies because that is our tradition and he said yes but just one and only that. That's how serious the no candy order was. I mean these kids never brushed their teeth for 4, 5, 6, 7, and 9 years. Seriously. Their teeth are jacked.

She still collected candy for Poufy and gave it to her in class. Poufy ate the entire bag in one day during class time. Maybe I'm just anal, but would you be pissed about that "Mom" decision?

I'm upset with the school because they know they misplaced the boy and all he did was snap his finger and say "oh well, we will have to look into that for next years students."

They want to wait until another child goes without breakfast or lunch. Another child has their snack stolen. I don't want anyone else's child to suffer because of mine. Who isn't starving, who isn't lacking. They don't believe RAD is real. They dismiss what I say. I'm just a bad mean over worked mom to them.

I don't want to catch another teacher's assistant screaming at my child at the top of her lungs while the whole class stares in horror. I do not exaggerate. Poufy and I both stopped in our tracks and turned to see the woman shrieking on the playground. Turns out she was going off on the boy. Talk about timing.

As it is, CDQ is paying for her earlier mistakes. Kids don't like her. Parents call her names and one parent went as far as to tell her she comes from a black family. CDQ still doesn't understand that the woman was saying a bad family, she thinks the woman is confused because she's not black.

I have a lock on my pantry door. I have alarms on doorways to tell me when they are out. I have to sleep with one eye open. RAD is real and it's in my house. I haven't really gone into details about the worst parts of it because maybe I am in denial.

I feel that even though homeschooling might not be the best thing for me right now, it's what these two need. They need to be taken back to 1, 2 or 3 years old. They need to be given the boundaries and the limits that toddlers are given. They need to learn right from wrong but they still need to learn at their age level. Does that make sense?

They seem to be missing those parts. This is my last hope. Aside from their issues. I need people to stop judging me. Kether, I hope you don't take this personally because I in no way mean you at all, you are completely right and I know it. I value what you say and what others who are in the trenches say because you know what I am going through. I need the people who don't know me and the people who don't know RAD to butt out. My kids are not "normal". I am not a "bad mother" and I am not my sister either.

I just want what every other mother has. The ability to make choices for my children and to be respected like any other parent. I don't understand why I can't have that. Because I didn't give birth to them? Because I am related to their mother and therefore something has to be wrong with me. Why?

An Open Conversation With Myself

Did I just really do that?

Yep, really, really.

What the hell are you thinking?

Dunno. Maybe I'm not. Maybe it's the beginning of the end. Maybe I just don't care anymore.

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I posted to the local group about homeschooling.

Me. Homeschooling.

I have no choice. I have no help. I have nothing...just me.

Two kids stayed home today because of behavior. The boy peed himself and then tried to kick a hole in Poufy's dresser. They aren't related as far as I can tell, I don't know what he is thinking.

Poufy continues to disrespect and act out all over the place. She's still stealing and lying. Just yesterday she had a handful of candy at school, gum included. Who knows who she stole it from not to mention the fact that the dentist said for her not to have candy because her teeth are sooo bad. Nothing sticky. Then she punched and kicked her sister on the playground while her "friends" watched and laughed.

I ended up driving to a Doctor's appointment an hour away only to find out it's tomorrow. I'm tired and I'm coming to the point of not wanting to do this anymore. I know I am under a lot of stress. But in all honestly, once Poufy and the boy are diagnosed and on meds and things don't change, I'm going to send them packing. I have enough to deal with. If it's health or trauma related issues that can be changed, fine. But if it's something they are going to do just because they feel like it. I'm not onboard that ship. I am nobody's punching bag or doormat. Family or not.