Things that need to be said...

I just watched the 20/20 show tonight on foreign adoptions and reactive attachment disorder. I made the mistake of going to the website and noticing the comments section.

Quite frankly, it's amazing how many people think they have all the answers and just how far up their heads are lodged in their asses.

They talk of "Typical American Naivety", yet they don't understand how on the flipside of the coin, those of us with RAD children can see them as those typical naive americans as well.

We did the neuropsychological evaluations, we tried to find out the kids backgrounds, we did therapy, we asked for help. We did everything we could. Not because we wanted "perfect children" but because we wanted to make sure we could provide what the kids need. After all, if we weren't going to be any better than their biological parents, why bother?

These kids are my family. They are my nieces and nephew from my screwed up half sister. I called CPS year after year and nothing. In fact, only two of my calls were ever documented and I was told it was the mother's perogative to have her children living out of a car with a drug addict.

Our kids problems didn't surface until after a year and a half and they didn't escalate until after the adoption. When I started to voice my concerns I was threatened that they would be taken from me. Yes, for asking for help.

Then I was reassured that it was normal. It would pass. But after finding out my kids had RAD through a post from a person on my blog and reading about RAD. It's not true.

I battle with being able to handle these children, I wonder if I am doing the right thing for them when I can't give them what they need. There is a place that can help them for $250 a day for 18 months. I have 4 kids with RAD. How am I supposed to do that? Had I known they were going to need that I would have fought for it BEFORE the adoption when they are wards of the state and the state is required to pay for them. I wouldn't have adopted them because I would have known that I wouldn't be able to pay for their treatment therefore be unable to help them in the way that they needed. It's truly about the kids and their needs.

This is my family. My blood and it kills me to have to think that I can't do this. I can't keep the family together. I don't think it's much different for non relatives but I can't understand how there's no accountability.

People really need to keep their mouths shut when they can't understand. This life...it isn't a life at all. It's not that any one expects perfection and there is no true preparation for RAD or PTSD, ODD or any of the others. It is the responsibility of the agency to provide training for these types of things. They are failing the children and the parents by not doing so.

For me, everyday is a day of mourning for my kids. They are so young and they have been through so much and no matter what I do, I can't tell if I am getting through. If I am doing the right things, or if I am making it worse. They have lost their childhood and I foolishly believe it's something I can try to give back to them. But they won't let me. They aren't living. They are constantly struggling. It hurts more than words can ever express to see them this way and to feel so helpless and worthless because I am unable to get through, to reach them, or to let them know it's ok.

The things that were said about that family by people who have no clue and those who should know better are just plain ridiculous. RAD needs to be put out there, it needs to be addressed and something needs to be done about it before many more families are damaged beyond repair.