I just can't believe I have a 6,7, and 8 year old peeing in their rooms. Yep, the 8 year old joined the bandwagon. She claimed because she's scared to ask me but I know it's total bullshit. If anyone is scared in this house it is me.
I'm scared of what these kids can do to Hubs and I. They are so good at lying and manipulating. Everyone thinks they are little angels. I've written here how one child turned our last therapist against us. By the time I realized what had happened that therapist was so smug with herself thinking she had solved the case, I was a bad mother! Whatever.
When I called the 8 year old out on her lying, she pulled apart her glasses and broke them. Is it child abuse if I don't replace them anymore? They are just going to break them again. There's nothing I can do to stop it. These are already their second pairs. I say "they" because Poufy did the same exact thing to hers just because CDQ beat her at a game.
I have installed door alarms (thanks for the advice!) and a motion sensor. I can sleep better at night now. I've been trying to get the strong ammonia scent out of my house. I just don't know how. Does anyone know of anything that works? The best part, it's storming out here so we have to keep the house closed up. Lovely.
We are already in the process of selling this house and I am freaking out because of the smell. Who's going to want to rent this place. I had a beautiful house. Our property value has gone down. Not because of the market and the economy but because of the destruction that these kids have done to it. What am I supposed to do about that? Just deal with it because I have a half sister who is a murdering whore?
I know some people are new here. I never intended to adopt. Hell, I never really intended to have children. Hubs wanted children and I started to concede on it and then wham! My 1 year old niece was basically murdered by her parents and the rest of my nieces and nephew were taken away and had no one to go with but us. I was hearing that they were being abused in foster care.
Their stay was supposed to be temporary. It wasn't until after they dropped the kids off from CA here in NM that they told us there weren't any plans for reunification. I mean the kids still had visitation and phone calls (although either never happened). Their mother was supposed to be taking parenting classes and going to therapy. What for? If it wasn't for reunification what for?
We didn't find out about RAD until we had already signed intents to adopt. The kids were normal, just shaken up for about 6 months after they arrived. I've been told I should be happy I got a 6 month honeymoon period. At times, I think my kids didn't have RAD. I think therapy gave them RAD. I mean, maybe some of them had it, but not all.
The therapy they were going to just kept rehashing the day their sister died and they were taken away. Over and over and over again. It was making it worse but I didn't understand because they told me as the kids worked through this stuff, it would get bad.
I really think at this point, I have one child who is the cause of this turmoil. One who really needs something. I'm not sure if removal is the answer because she's good at what she does. The boy just follows what everyone (except me) tells him. Everything is "ok". CDQ is a habitual liar. But I'm sure once she's where ever she is at she will tell everyone I called her a "bitch". Because that's all she heard when I said habitual liar to my husband in our room by ourselves having a private conversation.
A huge part of me just wants my life back. I want to have privacy. I want to have showers. I want to have freedom.
I don't have respite help. There are no foster parents out here who will watch my kids. Social workers washed their hands of us before the ink was even dry. Hell, before the plane even landed in NM when they delivered the kids! When I asked for help, I was threatened by NM social workers that the children would be taken away. I should've let them. They insist it wasn't a threat but when someone says "If you can't provide and care for the children, they will be removed." that's a pretty damn good threat in my eyes.
I can't even leave the kid's with Hubs for an actual break for a few hours because before I am even leaving the driveway, Hubs can hear Poufy announcing to the other kids that she "thinks she's gone now." and they go crazy because Hubs can't do anything about it. He has no use of his arms and legs and can only tell them what to do. They act like he's not even there talking to him. That pisses me off so much. Rotten little devils. I can only imagine what it is going to be like when they get older.
I don't know what to do. The seemingly "easiest" thing to do is just to send them back. But then I hear I'll have to pay child support which just amuses me to no end because their parents never paid a penny, but I have to? How am I supposed to do that when I completely shut down my consulting business and decided I would just go totally poor to be here for these kids? Am I supposed to just pick up where I left off 2.5 years ago and it's supposed to be all good? My clients are gone. Hell, I'm sure the jobs are gone.
We are going to have a higher payment on this house and we have offers out on other houses. What do I do if I find out that they have to go and I've bought this larger house that I don't need?
It's all one big clusterfuck that I don't know how to fix. I wish I would have never agreed to letting them come stay with us in the first place. Even if everything pans out in the end, it will be the biggest regret of my entire life.
3 comments:
If things are too stressful there is one more option. Nebraska has a safe-haven law where you can drop off any child (Nebraska law defines a "child" as anyone up to 19 years old.) in the custody of any on-duty hospital employee no questions asked.
I just wanted to present the option. Not saying this is the right or wrong thing to do. I can't say what is right for you and your family.
Odoban might help with that smell. I get it at Home Depot. They sell it in big jugs. It smells good, like Eucalyptus. I've been using it for cat "marking"
I'm praying, Sasha. I don't know what else to do. My heart hurts for you. You have been there for me when I was having a hard time and I feel so guilty that there is nothing that I can do to make this better or easier. I feel at such a loss. I don't even have advice. I don't like how broken this is making you. You have a right to a life, but you've never gotten a chance to live it.
I miss you and wish I could help.
Pet stores have great pee smell removers and stain removers. Take your pick. I have heard Odoban works well, too. But something that is for cat piss will help get the stains out. I can't think of any names offhand.
The glasses. My daughter breaks hers all the time on purpose. I get sick of replacing them. We went through three pairs in two weeks. Now I use hideous masking tape and super glue. Voila, like magic, she doesn't break them anymore. Go figure.
If you don't have a therapist that includes you in the sessions with the kids, dump her. She WILL do more harm than good. A bad therapist is much worse than no therapist. What your kids are doing is called triangulation. This is classic for kids with attachment problems. They will try to play authority figures against their caretaker. Lying, manipulation, creative peeing...all of it will get blamed on you.
This is not your fault. You didn't do this to these kids. You are stressed and hanging on by a thread. It is hard. No doubt.
Oh, and for my kids that pee, I bought cheap plastic sheets for their beds and I put big plastic buckets in their rooms. These are their potty buckets. If they can't make it to the potty, they can go in the bucket.
If you show anger about the peeing, it will get worse. This is the one thing they can control and they will as long as they see it has power over you. They are trying desperately to control you as you probably know.
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