Let Me Off This Rollercoaster...

Ok, so we did not get to see the lender today and it looks like not tomorrow either. I left a message and he never called me back.

Bummer!

I talked to the realtor that sold the house next door. More bad news, house values are going down don't sell until next year when they put the freeway in.

Bummer!

However let me find a lender, you can borrow on this one and put that money down on the other until you are ready to sell. There are contracts, that's how the house next door sold. I'll call you, you call me. Bye!

*flicker of hope*

Later today, I talked to the realtor who is working for us on the other house. She called to ask about the meeting with the lender. I had to tell her it didn't happen. I also told her what the other realtor said and she felt that maybe we should still move forward because she's had houses sell at asking price and it's a buyer's market basically so we never know what people are looking for.

I expressed my concern about actually putting this house up for sale and then finding out that it sold but we can't get the other house and then we are homeless. She reassured me that there are ways to go about it so that doesn't happen. But first we need to talk to a lender and in the meantime she will get us cma's on the house we want and our house.

*still a flicker of hope*

Meanwhile, the kids are still acting like little...well you know whats. At first I was terrified thinking they were regressing but after some thought, it's still Poufy being the ... and the others are just restless for school to start. SO AM I!

All the other schools have started except our school district. UGH! But we do have the best school district...soooo.....

I hate this up and down, up and down business. I'm sure the kids are playing off of that too since we have no privacy at any hour apparently.

Still so much work to do on this house. I could ring CDQ's neck because she broke the faucet off the shower as well as the shower head and now the only way to replace it is by scrapping the whole thing and starting from scratch or by cutting into the kitchen wall to get through to the plumbing to unscrew the fixture and install the new one.

Can you believe that?

I've lost two betta's this week. Tux and Sunshine are no longer with us anymore :-(

Oh boy, am I tired

How fitting! I'm listening to the radio and Beck's "Loser" just came on.

I swear that's how I feel right now. The kids were/are being awful. I don't know what the hell their problem's are and quite frankly I don't care. At least not right now.

I've been busting my butt trying to get this house pulled together so we can sell it. Let's just say everything that can go wrong has.

I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow's meeting with the mortgage company because it is yet another minimum day for The Oldest. I didn't think they had anymore. But apparently it's the last. What ever happened to going to school full on once it started? Kids are spoiled. Anyway, we won't be able to get back from the city in time to pick her up.

Last night, I pulled off loose shingles from the roof with intentions to fix them, only to be stopped by the neighbor as I was coming down off the roof to get some more shingles. He kept me until 9 pm talking about everything. Can we say TMI? I wanted to just fall of the roof. Boy did Hubs get it when I did finally get to come in. I mean I could have fallen off the roof and he'd still be on the computer inside.

I let The Oldest go to the local team's baseball game. It's the first time I have let her go by herself anywhere. But she was with the other kids who do the altar serving at the church and the Monsigneur. I sent her with a mother (who is just as over-protective as I am). I think it was good for her to get away from all of us. Plus, how much trouble could she get in with all the goody goodies (I mean that in a good way) of the church?

She said she had fun but she got bored. I told her it's probably because she's never been to a baseball game and she doesn't know anything about it or probably how to spell the team name. She proceeded to spell the team name wrong. That was funny.

Anyhow, I am exhausted. I did some trim work, some roof work, some floor work, etc... It sucked because I kept getting stuck on each project at some point or another and I have a long list of stuff to buy tomorrow so I can continue working on all the different projects.

I talked to my sister and it turns out her operation is on Tuesday. She's freaking out. Talking to her makes me laugh but it also made me feel weird. She told me about how her half sister (L) was accosted by the kid's father's sister (D)(I guess at some point they would have been the kids Aunts?) in jail and how D told L that her brother did not kill "that kid". Turns out D is pregnant and I guess showing so L was going to make her lose the baby because we lost Bela. L ended up in solitary until either she was released or D was released. I can't remember. But I'm down because I wish she would have killed that baby.

One because that bitch deserves it (not that it would make a difference to her) and two because that poor child doesn't have a chance. I know it might sound harsh but I live with these kids day in and out and I know D has other issues that my sister didn't (believe me I am not defending my sister) but that poor baby is going to go through so much pain and abuse and neglect. Life shouldn't have to hurt so much for anyone, especially babies and children. That's why I feel the way I do and it makes me feel weird to feel that way.

My poor Squishy, she's not going to get justice. Her murder doesn't matter. No one cares. The murderers walk free and clear. They don't even have to pay for what they did. It's like she didn't matter. I asked for her so many times and they would never bring her to me. I'm so angry. It's not right.

Let the Games Begin!

So, the short answer on the house is no, we haven't bought it.

I just saw the inside yesterday and Hubs saw the house today. We likey...a lot.

Monday we go to find out about financing. The house is humongous, and it's going to be sold most likely at half it's value. There is another offer on the table and it's been there for 6 weeks. However, it's waaaay low and they want to make it a group home. This is not a group home neighborhood by any stretch.

We have to negotiate inspections and all kinds of stuff with them. But if we are lucky, we will get it at a price we can afford. Each kid would get their own room, there is so much space, storage, even a finished basement! I can't describe accurately really because it's so huge, I can't remember where what is. This would be perfect for the kids. Aside from an outer brick wall and mature trees surrounding the perimeter, there is actually a gated courtyard where the kids can be seen by us almost anywhere in the house and they will feel safe! *sigh*

I know this because they let me know. The kids love it too. They all picked out rooms and no one picked the same one! The layout would have 2 kids on one side of the house and three kids on the other. Which works because the number of kids who get along is split exactly like that. If that makes sense. I think there were actually a couple of rooms left over. I can't remember.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. This is what we need and it looks like we have three hurdles to jump before we will know for sure.

1.) Financing

2.) Negotiation on price

3.) Sell our home

This house has been on the market since February Before that it was taken off the market in December of last year and I don't know how long it was on that time. The chances of someone else coming along and swooping it up are slim, but a possibility. If only I could guarantee the time! Everything depends on time.

I'm excited about the house, really excited. But I also know if it doesn't work out, I have the money to buy those 6 ft American Holly Bushes and I can start planting them in the front yard to start with.

I still have no idea what my home is worth yet. But I know what it appraised for when we bought it so we should at least clear around $40,000 from it for a down payment and that has to count for something.

Right now, everything depends on our Monday meeting with the mortgage company and what we qualify for. This might be a toughie because of our income ratios and the sources of income. It's hard for me to understand because I thought the kids income was for living expenses, after all if we didn't have the kids or if they didn't have their various disorders we wouldn't need to be looking for another house really or at least not one that big. You know? I had a successful online consulting business that I had to close down in order to deal with all the kids and their needs. At this point, I can actually see the light at the end of tunnel and reopening that business back up again.

Oh and Thank God we found out I should be getting my budget information and hours next week! Phew, I've been stressing out about that as well, because if you remember I've sort of been layed off since May 17. So I have no proof of income even though when my income comes in it will boost us again. That will be fun explaining to them why it happened and how it will be better and will never happen again.

Oh.the.stress.

Pray for us please.



PS. The realtor said something that totally stopped my heart. She said that we shouldn't ever outgrow this house unless we have other family members with kids we might get. Hubs and I are the Godparents to my sister's kids (my nephews). If something happens to them, we inherit the kids! They were in that car accident and P has herniated discs or slipped discs or something like that with his back and T goes in for surgery on her arm on Monday because they told her that if she doesn't her arm will basically die! All from a car accident?!?! I love my nephews but please...no. This sister is the opposite of my other sister. Our kid's mother was abusive and neglectful. T spoils these boys rotten, they are attached to her hip and they can't do anything wrong for the most part. Especially little E.

I Didn't Even Know I Had A Problem

So, I ended up posting about The Oldest first day in Middle School instead of the thing that happened after I got creeped out about the house. Let me just tell you, I dropped off my girl and she was able to speak in complete sentences. When I picked her up I couldn't understand a damn word she was saying! lol Let's just say she was a little overwhelmed. But you know what? Good. Better now than at her first day of college, right?

Anyhow, We ended up stopping at W@lmart on the way home from checking out the other house because we needed some dog food. I decided I should get the girl's hair cut while I was at it. I noticed the woman who usually cuts their hair wasn't in. It was the man instead. I couldn't recall if he had cut the kids hair before.

Anyway, he was cutting some guy's hair and I was still in a daze from the house. Just thinking about my spooked feeling and then all the repairs that we are I am going to have to do.

When he finished the guys hair, he had gone up to the desk and he kept saying Amethyst. I didn't realize he was talking to me or that he was even saying a name. He seemed to be taking care of some business or so I thought with the sign in sheet.

So he tried to pronounce one of my daughter's names and I smiled at him and told him the pronunciation. He said he had to get the booster and stuff and I thought everything was fine.

Meanwhile, CDQ is saying she wants her hair really short so I suggested maybe she should try it at a certain length first and if she wants it shorter let him know.Well he comes up, puts the booster seat on the chair and she sits down. He tells me that her hair is really thick and that he doesn't have the time to do several haircuts because he'll miss his bus. I was starting to tell him that we could come back another time when he says : "I'm not going to miss my bus and be 500 miles from home for your daughter."

I was taken aback.

I told her to get down and she did. I was starting again to tell him we would be back another time when he muttered "Something isn't right here." and he walked across the room. I was like "what?" I told him to repeat himself and he was all drama queen hand in the air, he "knows when people have a problem with him".

I have to admit, I was totally floored.

I mean I was dazed coming in but I don't even remember looking at the guy. At first, I assumed it was because I couldn't remember if he had cut my kid's hair, so I told him "Look, I have 5 kids I don't know if you cut their hair or not but I do remember talking to you before. I do not have a problem with you at all."

He kept trying to tell me that I did, so then, and this made me chuckle inside a little, I wondered if he thought that I had a problem with him being feminine and gay. It makes me chuckle because more than half my friends from high school are gay. Male and female.

In college, I went out and partied at a gay bar and went to a rave afterwards where I danced with a guy in a skirt and a fishnet shirt named Thomas until 9 am. Almost all the people I knew personally ,and not through work, are gay. Point of fact, I remember being home sick and the Marilyn Kagan talk show was on tv, 2 girls I was on the tennis team with were fighting over a girl I had never met. What are those chances?

I feel the most comfortable around gay people. So that's why it struck me funny, if that's what he was thinking.

I reassured him that I was having a stressful day just coming from viewing the house and how it was trashed and creepy and that I wasn't focused. He shook my hand and was asking me about the house, etc... I kept hold of his hand and I looked him in the eyes and told him I had no problem with him.

I don't think he believed me, but I have to tell you, by the time I left the store. I felt like I was in the Twilight zone and I was not happy with Mr. Hair Cutter. I mean he was definitely rude and had I been in my normal state of mind I probably would have put it out there. I've decided I will not be taking my kids to get their hair cut by him because he showed me that he can be malicious and presumptuous. I don't trust him. It's just weird isn't it?

Anyhow, I got to see the inside of the house today. Wow is all I can say for now. Hopefully I will get a chance to post about it next.

Hope all is well with everyone,

The First Day Of Middle School

I'm going to write this down because Lord knows I will never tell you this...or at least I don't think I will. I probably won't remember all my feelings.

Today you started middle school. I could tell you were nervous, scared, and excited. You showered and dressed the quickest I have ever seen you in the past 2 and a half years. Even though you don't want to admit it, I think you like your school uniform. lol

I also think you don't want to admit it, but you like the fact I take your picture on the first day of school. Dad was up to see you off as well. He teased you and told you to say "superstar" for the camera. My guess is that he wanted you to impersonate Molly Shannon (I think that is her name being as I only saw a commercial and never saw the movie.) because of your catholic school uniform. You declined because you aren't about to act silly. I don't know why you get so embarrassed about everything. Maybe it's just your age.

Last night as I transferred Dad into bed, I told him "You have a daughter who starts middle school tomorrow." He said "I know, I'm old." I told him he was right, he is :-) It's still kind of hard to believe. I was there when you were born. I was one of the first people to hold you and now it's 12 years later.

I snuck a note into your backpack. It was just to let you know you'd be ok and you'd have an excellent day and make plenty of friends and that we loved you. I signed it Mom and Dad. I was nervous about that. Nervous because I didn't know if it was going to embarrass you or how you would feel about me signing Mom and Dad.

I want to write this down because I want you to know what I was thinking and how I felt and that these days do matter to me, probably more than they matter to you. After I dropped you off and left the school parking lot. I was sad and proud, that combination equals tears. lol

Sad because I have a baby in middle school and proud because you are so smart and so brave. I found a card last night that you had made for Dad. It was addressed to Uncle and it said that you would always remember him and there are just a few more years before you would be gone and how those years would fly by. It was clear you are planning to leave the minute it's legal for you to do so. I hope you don't. I mean, you can't stay forever. lol But I hope by that time you feel that this is home and not just a temporary place. I want you to have that. I want you to feel like you have a home and place to come back to. I've never had that and I think it's important. I'm planning for it.

At 8 am, when the living room clock chimed, I told Dad your day had started. I said a little prayer for you.

I love you more than you'll ever know. Probably because I forgot to tell you that when I dropped you off and was interrogating the crossguard. lol Sorry! But in my defense, you forgot too!

So, I'm saying it now, I love you (Drooler! )

The hairs are standing up on the back of my neck

Today is a weird day, I am feeling weird, bewildered, spooked. Foolish. hahaha



See, even nervous laughter.



I found another house, we were very impressed online. Well, I still am impressed it's like a mini-compound. It's going for way cheap but not cheap enough.



I showed up at the house and from the front it could be a beauty, it was built in 1975 or somewhere around there (yep, older than me). So the paint reflects the times but I can already envision new colors. I wanted to see it badly. I have an appointment tomorrow. But Kether will know exactly what I am talking about. lol



I was talking to Hubs on my cell and I decided to get down to get a sneak peek. My bad. I scared myself half out of my mind.



The wrought iron fence was left ajar and after walking up to front of the house and seeing that it was empty (well, from the sticker that said the house was abandoned! *wide-eyed stare*) I thought, why not just peek around the back.



I walked through the fence and was still talking to Hubs, I wasn't scared. I don't spook easily. But I could have sworn that someone was coming up behind me and I literally swung around to nothing. The other part was as soon as I walked into the backyard the trees and foliage made it appear like I was in a forest, and not in the middle of the city. There was silence. Just the echo of my voice. I could see some damage to the many wrought iron doors on the side of the house (huh? why all the doors?) and as I turned the corner I saw more wrought iron doors. Apparently there are two in-law quarters or I guess they call it an in-law suite at the back of the property. The yard just appeared to be almost non-existent with all the trees. But, I say two in law quarters because in between that there was yet another wrought iron door that led out in to a large courtyard in the center of the house.



That was a little creepy, yet cool, because I really felt out of touch with civilization. I could see the huge patio and the sunroom and this really weird spiral staircase. It's weird because the house is only one story and it appears this leads to some kind of lookout from above the house?



The house appeared to be trashed inside. Either it was vandalized or the people took off fast. Anyway, I decided to keep walking....fast. lol



I was going to leave when I thought "hey, I didn't see the other side of the yard outside of the courtyard" so I started that way only to have a HUGE flock of birds fly from the tree I walked past. I did look at the other side but it triggered me to tell hubs that I felt like one of the stupid girls in the horror films who is someplace she shouldn't be. LOL!



This place left me with the creeps. It's not out in the middle of nowhere either, it's right smack in the middle of town. The library, post office and grocery store are within walking distance. Literally right around the corner.



I was so creeped out when I left. I still can't put my finger on it but I'm also drawn to the house. Which is weird. I get the full tour tomorrow at 1:30, wish us luck!





PS.. Next time I will post about the other creepiness that happened right after we left the house.

I Wonder When They Were Going To Tell Us

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