I'm back

Sometimes you have to take the higher road before you just go off on a B%$^#.

Love,
~zen

Dear Mr Postman

AKA-liar and loser who can't deliver mail to save your ass.

I hate you. You don't even try and you unsafely zoom through neighborhoods screaming so loudly into your cell phone I can hear you in my living room--with the tv on and the kids screaming playing.

You don't leave my package and then you LIE and say I wasn't home. I call BULLSHIT and I call it loud and clear. I was home ALLLLLL day as in I left for 15 minutes to get my kids from summer school and came back home. But you wouldn't even know that because you are a liar.

You see when I go get my kids my fence stays unlocked because I'm gone for like a second and when I am home that big white thing, you know the breadtruck looking thing that carries oh say FIFTEEN FREAKING PEOPLE AT ONCE, sits right out front.

So, when you say that the gate was locked and I wasn't home anyway. I have to wonder how much of a strain you put on your neck turning it so far and everything to see my house considering I am RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

I guess it could have to do with the fact you have no accountability to anyone. You all just shrug your shoulders and say "fuck it" I guess or maybe you spend your time with the packages shaking them and trying to guess what they are, or maybe you don't do jack just because it's all tooo much work.

I called and complained and was reassured that you would deliver my package yesterday or today. I waited until 7 pm for you to come and obviously you didn't. I waited today and then you tell me my package is at the post office.

I call the post office and they can't figure out which end is their ass and which end is their head. So I pay to have something delivered all the way from HONG KONG and you can't even bring it to my block. I have to go get it myself. You keep raising prices but how about paying ME for my gas and time after all I can reassure you my gas isn't any cheaper than yours.

I worked sending out thousands of letters a day for several banks, so many we had three mail runs a day to get it all out. Stuffing, sealing, stamping, sorting, marking them for you guys at the PO so you can't tell me your job is hard. It's called lazy. I understand the job , you matching all those numbers to the same numbers on the box and OH! the same numbers on the houses! can get boring but hey, sooooo not my problem.

Before you all start crying, we need more pay, sending letters is too cheap, how about fucking doing your job, eh?

That is all.

Excess Baggage

Since the beginning of the year I have been working on getting rid of stuff both mentally and physically.

I've been purging a lot of the physical stuff we have in the house that is just creating clutter.

I have made several trips (and in fact am in dire need of making another trip as I type this) to Goodwill where I have left a ton of stuff I have no idea how I amassed to begin with.

What's amazing is that by just evaluating that part of the purging process, I realized I have a lot of worthless stuff or I have spent A-LOT of money replacing the items the kids break on a daily basis.

Point of fact, we have been able to purchase the appliances that we have partly because I stopped replacing items that they broke (although in truth, buying one of those appliances, coughdishwashercough, did replace something a child had broken but it was O-L-D too) AND I stopped rewarding children who didn't deserve or appreciate what they had. Can you imagine?

I've even been able to sign up for a vision and dental plan for myself (still looking on the healthcare front but have a pretty good idea where I am going to get it from).

It's comforting to know that even though my budget for my job still hasn't been renewed and is nowhere near in the process of being renewed that we are still going to be ok and all because of the little things I didn't realize added up.

I haven't trimmed all the fat (extras) yet because it's all about baby steps. lol

Well, really it boils down to the fact that I haven't decided what fat is. I mean I went out and bought a new set of pots and pans because Hubs and I have the set (coincidentally the very first thing we bought as a couple) we bought forever ago that are worn and honestly, having one dutch oven and one large pan no longer cuts the mustard when you jump from feeding 2 to 7.

At first I saw it as something we don't need because we already have some, but then I realized we aren't getting rid of the old ones anytime soon and have just supplemented what we already have and in turn could then be construed as something that was needed.

yes?

I am lost...lol How do you decide in your household, do you spend freely or do you have to justify each purchase?

Inquiring minds want to know...

When I was single, I never bought anything. Seriously, it was my car and the house payment and no, I wasn't rich. But now that I am building a home and there are so many of us, I need a plan.

Where I am at now

on the Home Improvement front...hehehe (I laugh on the outside but inside I'm cringing.)

Ok, so all the carpet is up, at least all the carpet in the hallway and the living room which is what this round is supposed to replace. Now it's on to getting the last of the staples out of the subfloor and the lineoleum up from the places where it overlapped. Good Times!

Then I have to take out the last of the lingering crap from the living room and move it somewhere (the kitchen?) and I can begin patching the subfloor where it needs it so I can start priming so I can finally lay down the tile. *sigh*

The sigh is because I so can't wait to get to that point. I want to see tile on the floor darnit!

In the mean time and due to the increasing heat I have purchased 4 more ceiling fans. 2 are for 2 of the kids rooms that still needed one and the other two are for the cat/laundry room and game room.

I've installed the two in the kids rooms. Here they are:

Today two of the kids started summer school. I have from 9-11 to work before I have to pick them up (yeah, I know I am here but when you count the fact that I have to get Hubs bathed, dressed and in his chair, I really don't have that time at all because as soon as I finish with him, it's time to go get them) Poufy has an appointment for ADHD testing at 2 pm. Now with the baby monitor, I think it's just a waste of time because her problem is she has a $#%^& for a sister and she's the one causing mindless Poufy to be the fool. CDQ hasn't stopped talking crap and she thinks because she whispers we can't hear her filling Poufy's mind and manipulating her.

I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I guess I'll just have to cut out the bad parts and try to make applesauce. I hope it isn't sour. *smirk*

Meet Martha!

Hello Everyone!

This is Martha, my new dishwasher, yep, I named her Martha Stewart just because I get a kick out of saying Martha Stewart does my dishes. I have tried and tried to get a nonblurry picture but she's just so shiny it makes her non-photogenic. I am so happy and grateful that we have been able to buy some new appliances.

CDQ broke the old dishwasher. If you are keeping track, she also broke the kitchen faucet, the refrigerator, the spare refrigerator that I moved in the other refrigerators place, the bathroom sink faucet, the bathroom tub faucet and the shower. Just to name a few things.

We are hoping to replace the refrigerator and the stove but I don't know when.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, the neighborhood inner struggle continues. I looked out my window and I saw these in my rose garden.

They are amazing.
And so beautiful!


I was so happy and I felt like some of my hard work was finally paying off. I love my house and I felt like I could really bring my home together and make it all the things we've dreamed about.

That night, Hubs woke me up at 3 am. Gunshots. Really close Gunshots. I hadn't heard it but as I was talking to him, I heard one that sounded like it was right outside our window. I looked out. I saw teenagers with shaved heads running from the house across the street. There were two cars out front. One sped off, the neighbors turned on their light and I saw guys running up the street. Then I saw it. The gun in the kid's hand. He ran towards the car, jumped in and they took off spinning their tires. I called the police. I couldn't sleep for hours. I want to move.

Even if I love my home and the feeling of making it home. It can't be here. Those people across the street are killing my dream and maybe someday, with their stupidity they will end up killing us. I'm at a loss. We can't just pick a new house. We have to build so that Hubs can live comfortably and unrestricted which I insist. It's heartbreaking because for all the crap that has been done to our house and how hard I have to work to set it back to right, I still love it and it still feels like home. Just less safe.

The Many Faces of Hurt

I have so much to blog about (note to self: new family member, drive by, SATC for starters) but I'm going to stop everything to blog about this.

I bought a baby monitor because we've been having problems with the kids lying about who's saying what and causing what. They are all born liars (so it appears) and we can't tell who is telling the truth. The therapist suggested that we try the monitor.

I bought it, set it up and hid it in the room while they were in the shower. As soon as they got out, Poufy found it. Like she had radar and zoomed right to it. We heard her telling CDQ to hurry quick "look what she put in our room" it was not in an obvious place or place they could see just by walking in the room. So, grrreat.

I walked up to Poufy and I moved her from her shoulders out of the way so I could see if she had messed with it. When I saw she didn't, I turned and told them they better not touch it cause I would know and I left the room.

But apparently, they didn't know what exactly it did. CDQ started ranting about how she didn't like it when "We" (Wtf? like Hubs magically has use of his arms just to push her?) push "them" around. This did enrage me because the only pushing I've done that could be considered rough pushing( I couldn't even tell you which kids) is when we are walking in parking lots and I have to grab them quickly and push them from the middle to the parked car side and remind them always inside because they can get hit by a car.

Anyway, she goes on about how she thought loving families were supposed to give "huggies and kisseys and not be mean all the time."

Coming from a family where my Mom has only told me once that she loved me and that was two years ago, a family where if my sisters did something wrong or lost something *I* got pulled and thrown from my hair. I have no idea what the fuck this girl is talking about. Yes, I am that mad.

I am that mad because for almost two years now they have been playing us. The other thing that plays into this is that they both agreed in this talk that their previous foster parents gave them plenty of hugs and kisses and read to them, etc...

This infuriates me because they made it clear to us, their previous therapist and their current therapist that the previous foster parents were abusive. Some things from the list: hitting them, sitting on them, pushing rocks into the tops of their hands, locking them outside in the dark, etc...

What's the truth?? They lied about us pushing them. They think we are mean because we are trying to teach them to be human beings. I didn't think they could have been making up those things. Rocks on the top of the hands? C'mon?

But then I think about the accusation from the respite foster parent. I thought it was retaliation but what if they did lie to her?

I'm angry because these kids have been playing us. Everyone said "Oh they don't know better, they don't know the difference between right and wrong." But they do. They know very well and they just don't care.

That's what hurts. The manipulation, the hate, the evil. Because I do believe it is evil and calculated.

I called them on it. CDQ tried to cry her way,but she knew she was busted. Then she tried to give me a hug. I know people aren't going to agree with me but I couldn't give a shit. Walk in my shoes.

I told her I didn't want a hug from the devil.

The realization that she isn't just a kid and that she is cold and calculating. As soon as she went back to the room she started manipulating Poufy. She ran her mouth so fast trying to turn her against us. How evil is that?

Then crying because she got caught. I can't even say she felt bad about what she did either by lying to us or lying about her previous foster parents.

The other thing is the reading thing...if we don't read what the hell is the whole Spiderwick thing we do when everyone behaves?

Anyway, I'm pissed. I've got to change the way things are run here yet again. I just told the therapist last week that I was tired of this place sucking. She told me it's what we have to do. We have to stick by our guns and we have to continue on even though it seems bad and it's hard on us because it's gonna be best in the long run when we've shown them we mean what we say.

I'm tired of putting my life on hold for their little power trips. Sometimes I feel like the stupidest thing I ever did was volunteer for them to come live with me in the first place. Then I went and adopted them...so fucking brilliant Sasha. Really.

Let the craziness begin!

Ok, so it started with this...

The previous fixture cracked under the heat of the bulbs or something and I knew I wanted an island light there anyway since after all it is over the island. I found this one that went well with the chandelier I replaced the other kitchen light fixture with some time ago. . (oh and that one fixture over the sink totally has to go.)

Then it went on to this, the porch light, I needed to replace the glass yet again because last Christmas when I was hooking up the lights it fell and broke. While I was at it, I also changed the front door knob and deadbolt.

But then, I did something wild and crazy!! (wild and crazy because my budget ran out on my job and I am currently unemployed until the new budget comes in who knows when.) I started doing this:

I really wanted to do this when we moved in but I didn't think it was really possible. Hubs is the one who told me it would be oh so easy to do and that it was a do it yourself project so finally, I decided it was time that I do it myself!

I had imagined it would be pretty dusty because we live in a perpetual dirt storm area or so it seems. But I was in no way prepared for what I found. Those spots up there are actually cat urine spots and it didn't come from any of my cats! It was so gross that I had to wonder how it was legal to sell property in such shape. I couldn't believe the nastiness of the carpet especially since I have a heated deep steam cleaner that I use regularly. The dirt! I couldn't get over that either. The dirt you see above is from one section! So wrong!

I have about a third of the living room carpet yet to pull up and then it's on to the primer, adhesive and tile laying. I can't wait and I am sooooo happy I have finally done this. I can't wait to get the rest of this nasty carpet pulled up from the parts that are left but I am afraid I will have to wait until I get a new budget. lol

P.S. We have a new "family member" on it's way right now as I type. We are so excited. I will post more later after it arrives and I get it installed. Of course, if all that happens before the kid's therapy session!

So excited!!!!