The one about homeschooling...

Just to address some things from Anonymous' comment. (Hi!)

I take no offense and I hope I'm not coming across as being sarcastic (I know most of what I write is sarcastic. lol) or as if I'm upset or anything like that.  I'm not insulted either because I could have written your comments a couple of years ago myself.

I was so idealistic. Actually I still am, very much so, which makes it hard for me to deal with myself ;-)

I'm not saying you are. I can only speak for myself.

But having worked my entire career (up until I stopped to take care of Hubbins) in an academic setting (both higher learning and lower being elementary, middle, jr. high and high school), I learned that what should be and what really is are two very different animals.

Then the kids were placed with me and that was a whole new can of worms.

I think the idea (and I don't mean to be insulting either, I will explain more in this post) of getting me time and a break from my kids by sending them to school is a nice one. But while they were in school, I was there all the time. Pulling them out from under desks, bringing clean clothes, addressing allegations of inappropriate touching (both children and adults),  arguing with the principal because of the "label" my kids were being given.  For our situation, school is a major stressor and causes more problems at home.

At one point I was there because my daughter had asked the room mother why she wasn't invited to her friend's (the woman's daughter) birthday party (like the rest of the class) and the stupid bitch (cause that IS what she is) actually told her (she was 6 years old then) that she wasn't invited because she came from a "black family".  My daughter was so confused because as she said "I'm not black, I'm light brown" :-p

My kids were facing more abuse at school.  It may not have all been intentional, but I can tell you it made it much worse for our home situation. Every time I think it would be SOOOOO much better if they were in school, I remember how much worse it was because they were in school.

Believe me every year around this time, I question myself.  Not because I can't do it or we don't have the resources in our home, but because I get that little inkling that I could have a daily break.

But.... back to earth. No more rages anymore, no more potty messes, no more violence against me- yeah, CDQ flips but it's not physical anymore. I haven't had to do the hold on anyone in at least 2 years.  I may have more kids than most (maybe?) who have special needs, but I also know I have it easier than a lot of other mom's out there. A lot easier.

As for private school, I paid for the oldest to go to private school.  That was a total waste of money and I've blogged about it here. They made it clear to me they aren't equipped for special needs. But I don't know how they get by with the regular "education" they are providing.

I know in the comment Anonymous said I wanted to homeschool but that's not entirely accurate, much like the adoption- it is a necessity that is in the best interest of my children.  The therapist, psychologist and doctor agree that homeschool is the best thing for my children.

Maybe I should have been quicker with them to figure out what the problems were with home school, but since I've moved the oldest back, she is enjoying it and asking to log on all the time. They were first placed here during the summer where I did my own educational evaluation on all of them and had figured they were behind. But like I said, they went into the school system out here and they excelled, CDQ specifically was in a bi-level class where she could work with the older kids in the next grade. She was the only one who had a teacher who would take the time to listen and really cared. She was able to keep that teacher for two years. But that teacher also shared with me her frustrations with the district and how they basically have their hands tied and are told what to teach and when to teach it.

Yesterday, my mom was painting CDQs nails at the kitchen table while we were cooking dinner.  I thought I had heard CDQ say that she didn't like homeschool, so I was paying close attention (because the "what if..." came to mind. ) but I couldn't hear very well with the mixer going. I turned it off and I said "You don't like homeschool?" My mom answered and said "No, she said she likes homeschool." Then CDQ piped up "I love homeschool! It's so much fun and better than being in school."

Then I breathed a sigh of relief. lol!  I don't know if the "what if?" will ever go away.  I don't see my kids remaining homeschooled either. I think as their healing progresses they will return back to public/private school and I will be sure they are still learning everything that the school's are failing them at because my kids do talk about going to college.  But I want them to experience it all. Friends, clubs, dances, sports.  I know some kids aren't able to do those things, some day my kids will.  I'm not a parent in denial, nor am I trying to put stuff on them. These are things they will pick and choose on their own.  But as they heal a little more, I can see these things will be options for most of them if not all.

So, for now in a way this is helping myself. I was thinking too, maybe my title in the last post was misleading.  There are many things that I can't talk about that are stressing me out...so I talked about the other little things that are going on right now.  My stressors these days are more to do with my grandmother and her thieving lying husband and children (not all of her kids). In that case, for myself, I am going to yoga class tomorrow evening, talking to a therapist on Wednesday and seeing some lawyers on Thursday.