one three

(Birthday Cupcakes for school) 

I told this story after your birthday dinner. After much thought, I figured I better write it down because I could see it meant so much to you. I looked around the table and I saw the expectant eyes of your siblings and I wished I had a birth story for them too. 

(Homemade Birthday Cake)

1-3. I can barely say it. I was there the day you were born. I saw your dark hair. I declined to be the first to hold you because I was worried about bonding issues with your mother...oh the irony. 

It started the night before, your mother was coming down the stairs with her cup of ice. Somewhere along the bottom, I'd say the fourth stair up from the bottom, she lost her footing. She was wearing these slippers that she practically lived in. Along with her too big sweats.  She fell down the last four steps.  Butt to stair until she got to the bottom.  She laughed. She said she was ok. 

But apparently that was the start of contractions.  Around 4 am we were running around. Grandma had this burgundy mini van I called "the bread truck". I sat in the last bench, your mom sat in the middle and Grandma was driving of course.  The roads were icy and we spun out, but Grandma righted the van and we were back on our way to the hospital. 

I can't say for sure what happened next. A whole lotta waiting. Your Mom was dying for a meatball sandwich.  Literally.  So finally around lunch time, I went and got her one from Subway. Neither one of us knew they were going to tell her she couldn't have it.  There it sat on the windowsill, your Mom was crying over it.  Grandma explained why she couldn't eat it, and let's just say YOU should be glad she didn't.  lol  I heard that she ate it hours later, cold and soggy and everything. Ewww. 

Anyhow, I was there when you came. Your Mom was screaming "GET IT OUT OF ME!" and well, being a fool. The nurse seemed to have become upset and told her she needed to stop because she was upsetting the other women in labor. She also told her that the baby needed to come out the same way it went in. :-O 

Eventually you came and I stood back in a corner to watch quietly. Unfortunately, Grandma is more of a hands on type of person and she was right there ready to yank you out because it didn't seem like the doctor was going to make it on time. 

But the doctor did and you were out, I'd say in less than half an hour. Time sort of stood still. Like I said, the doctor tried to hand you to me all icky and stuff but I refused so the nurse took you and cleaned you up and then brought you back to me.  Again, I told the nurse "shouldn't her mother be the first to hold her." Completely oblivious to the obvious that the doctor and the nurse already had held you. Instead of giving you to your mother, Grandma swooped in and took you.  They were still doing something to your mom. I don't know what. 

And that's your birth story pretty much.  Your Great Aunt named you as you know. 

I still can't believe you are 13.  I also can't believe you are mine. Maybe it was a sign that day you were born. Maybe I should have held you anyway.  I didn't want to take that from your mother.  I felt that was for her to have.  When you are old enough and you look for your Mother, because I know you will,  remember that when she tries to tell you that I stole you away from her- I have never tried and will never take the place of your mother.  If it becomes something you want, I will never deny you but I will never force you either. I know what that is like and would never do that to you. 

I hope you know that despite everything you are loved and wanted.  I hope when you look back at your childhood, you at least remember good times here.  I also hope by then you call this place home and us family and we aren't "just a place to crash until you are 18" anymore. In the meantime, I will enjoy the privilege of guiding you into a strong, independent and intelligent woman. 

(Yet another book, first book I gave her "Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (so they can look up your dress)" before she came to live with us. I think I need to replace it. lol ).

Love you,