Why I've been quiet... or that post that may be renamed to "How I jinxed it all..."

My kids... are you ready... my kids are behaving. Or as my youngest would say "we are being have." lol

No fighting, tantrums, stealing, lies are minimal, manners are being put back into place.

They are smiling. They are getting along and learning how to talk to each other nicely. Sure it hasn't even been a week, but it's almost like when they were first placed in our house.
I want to spend time with them...my house, my house has been quiet and I have been able to accomplish things.

We went out in public. Just me and the four Radishes. We went to the gas station, library, and McDonald's. No one got their panties in a wad and they were lil angels in the library. The librarians were beaming at them as they lined up with their books under their arms. No shoving, yelling, nothing. CDQ even found a wallet on the floor and came and got me to let me know, it turned out it was the wallet of a man who was sitting nearby helping his son. He thanked me for telling him and I let him know it was CDQ who had alerted me and he thanked her. She was beaming.

I am proud of them. I noticed that around 10 am is when they start to act up or I guess the proper term is deregulate ( I think, still learning) so I call the two 7 year olds out just before then and they do their strong sitting and go back to their rooms while CDQ and SS do their strong sitting. I don't know if I will continue with that the way they want me to because it doesn't help as much as the tapping does.

They all stand apart and we do tapping together. As they are tapping, they just seem to get happy and all that stuff that was building up melts away as they start to giggle and tap. I can see that tapping changes their attitude. It makes them happy. Especially SS. I don't know what it is about it. I should record a session because you can see how they are standing around and their facial expressions are sort of bored, angry, expectant (depends on the kid) and then they just like hop to attention when it starts and they start to beam and giggle. They are happy when it's done and they tend to stay that way.

They need help with the rubbing, I've noticed they don't really know what is making them feel the way they do.

For example, and this was an eye opener for me. CDQ keeps trying to hang from the back of Hub's wheelchair. This causes Hubs to have spasms which aren't good as it is because it is painful for him and even worse now because he has pressure sores that are healing. The spasms can tear them more.

I've told them a hundred times at least not to touch his chair because it is a part of his body so touching him there is like touching his butt. I thought that would work.

Anyhow, she was pulling on his chair and I was across the room from her, to me I said "CDQ, stop hanging on Hub's chair already."

She left and then I thought I heard crying on the intercom. I thought something had happened. So, I called out what's going on (I was in the process of moving furniture and had blocked myself in...I know, bright.) That's when Poufy piped up that CDQ was crying. I asked why and Poufy said that CDQ had said "If she doesn't like me, why doesn't she just say it?"

This...was news to me. Not like her? Where did she get that from? Seriously, I was stunned. I wasn't even mad at her or even exasperated when I said it for the gazillionth time. It was like a routine reminder from my point of view.

Apparently, all this time, the kids think I am yelling at them. I have hearing loss and because of that the volume on my voice has gotten, well... louder. I don't think I'm yelling. But how the hell do I know, I can't hear. lol It's really bad when there is background noise. I keep telling them to speak up because I can't hear. I guess I'll have to have a hearing test done again. I know I had one like 5 or 6 years ago and they told me they couldn't do anything about it then because it was minimal but that it would progress. Maybe I need a hearing aid now.

So, I called all of them out and we talked about my hearing loss and fear rubbing. I used CDQ's situation as an example and I told her that she must have felt afraid from me telling her what not to do that maybe I didn't like her and I asked if she thought she felt that..she didn't really respond so I said well if you felt that then instead of crying and starting to feel bad you might do the rubbing and say "Even though I am afraid my Mom/Aunt doesn't like me, I am a terrific kid and both my parents love me and accept me as I am." She liked that...a lot. I think she realizes that we do feel that way about her. Which makes me sad.

There is a lot of talking going on too. Again, CDQ--she said she didn't think she would ever get married because she doesn't trust people. I sadly couldn't help her. I think it's good she doesn't trust people. Maybe not at the level she is where she doesn't trust but I don't know...trusting people is something *I* am still working on. I have to think more about what to say to them about trusting people. I guess at some point, I trusted. I married Hubs but we had our problems where he shattered my trust and it's taken a long time to get to the point where I am now and even then it's not completely solid and I know it's alllll me.

Another development, the beginning of a support system. My Brownie co leader(L) is awesome, (so is my Daisy co leader (M) for that matter.) her kids and my kids can't get enough of each other. After the meeting Wednesday L and I were talking. She doesn't know anything about RAD but she listens and she understands there are things to learn about my kids and their disorders and she's willing to learn about them. She actually brought up the subject of family and a support system. I told her it was just us. She said she was more than willing to be a support to us if needed. She told me even if I just needed a nap! Her house is where all the kids get together and play and there's always kids there. She said what ever we needed and what ever she needed to know, she's willing and I know she is sincere.

I think this will work, even our husbands get along-- they are both geeks with endless trivia knowledge and completely hit it off after the GS ceremony. Does any one know how I should go about educating L so that the kids don't play her? I thought about giving her a copy of Nancy Thomas' Letter to the teacher for starters just because so much of the behaviors are mentioned there. I also don't want to overwhelm her. For those of you who may have a respite worker or some other support, how do you get those people up to speed so that they could be a help?