She got in!!

Duh! This has been sitting in my drafts since the 4th. I thought I published it. lol
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Last Wednesday the oldest went for the tour of the Catholic School. She spent the whole day there in class and took some tests to determine her levels.

When I went to pick her up they told me she was in. She's excited and I'm excited for her. This is going to be huge. Especially since she is now talking about wanting to go to college.

Now, paying for tuition and uniforms and all that good stuff. I need to get a second job.

She had to wear a long skirt that went past her knees and a polo shirt just to visit the school. When I called her into breakfast, I was just so shocked about how much she has grown. She is a little lady now.

Twelve

Twelve years ago today I quietly stood in the corner of a hospital delivery room and watched you come into the world. I was angry when the nurse walked towards me during your delivery to ask me how I was doing. I was fine, they had more important "stuff" to attend to.



3 months before that I had outed your mother to the world. She was 15 and she was pregnant and why wasn't anyone acknowledging it. I bought the pregnancy test that showed positive. I took your mother to her appointments. I bought you clothes and your very first car seat. I made sure you were ready to come home.

I tried to make sure you were well taken care of but I had 4 other kids I was caring for who seemed to need me more.

When I first realized that things weren't right, I called CPS to try and get you help. They did nothing. After many years and more babies, I stopped because no one would help.

If I had known how bad it really was for you, I would have never stopped and I wouldn't have ever let you go back. I didn't know that such heartless and cruel people existed. My world was still tinted pink with naivety.

This is your second birthday that we celebrate since your placement with me. You've grown into such a intelligent young lady, albeit a little rough around the edges but it's my job to teach you and polish you to help you shine.

I kept telling you to hold on to 11 and now I am going to keep nagging you to hold on to 12. They only come once and they go by so fast. When childhood passes, it's gone and as you know the world can be so very cruel. I only want happiness and the best for you. I know right now you can't understand that.

But hopefully, some day you will. I worry about you and the secrets that you keep. I hope you will grow to trust me and to understand I am only doing right by you. I hope you don't shut me out like your mother did and find yourself lost in a downward spiral. I keep telling you that you aren't her but I see you making so many of the same mistakes she did and it scares me.

You are so much smarter and better. I wish you knew that.



Happy Twelfth Birthday DROOLER*!

Love you.

*I used to call her Drooler when she was a baby because she was always drooling.

Mickey Says...

Like most kids, the boy has trouble following directions. In fact, it seems that he's not even listening at all. This, compounded by the fact that he "can't" do anything is frustrating. So when I saw these Mickey ears on clearance for $2 I figured what the heck.

I thought it would be something that could interest him and be fun. But as you can see right off the bat he started with "I can't". ARGH!

But then Mickey asked him to do something and he did it, Mickey told him he did a good job. So he was excited. Wish he would get that excited when I tell him he's done a good job.

Here Mickey told him to tip toe. Some how it seems to sense when he does something that Mickey hasn't told him to and it gently reminds him that "Mickey didn't say..."

It plays songs that he can dance to but my favorite part is Mickey Says which is basically Simon says. He's underdeveloped and the game is really for a smaller child but his lack of maturity and inability to do anything make it right up his alley.

Sometimes I worry that he might be mildly retarded. I had heard that he had a seizure when he was an infant and had stopped breathing. But when I questioned further, I'm afraid it could have been a stroke. Especially when I see that things are lopsided and one side looks more alert than the other. It also sounds like he lacked oxygen for quite some time before help arrived.

I have to figure out how to approach this and if it is even possible to examine him and see that far back into his life and what damage was done.

He was supposed to go on a field trip to the museum with his class today but he woke up spewing every where... good times...

In response...

I thought maybe I should respond in a second post because I'm not sure people come back and read my comments.

I have my ups and downs. Of course, everyone does. Right now I just feel I am being thrashed.

I don't mean to appear ungrateful for the new van, nobody said I was. I just feel like my thunder was stolen from me. That in combination with the fact that I can't get rid of the kid's mother.

I wasn't going to share this...but I am so angry I need to get it off my chest. Hubs and I went to do our taxes the other day. We did everything according to the book and the results were like a gift from God because the tax return would have enabled us to buy this used bus complete with lift that would fit all the kids more than comfortably and accommodate Hubs too for a steal! Perfect for the trip to California for the adoption. It would have also enabled us to comfortably afford a modest memorable trip to the Grand Canyon along the way. It was like unreal how it was falling together.

But what happens?

Our return gets rejected. Someone else has claimed the kids. I called my sister and asked about the kid's mother. Oh, but don't you know... she went to H & R Block and got this huge return that no one understands. She bought herself a new car and she's in a new apartment. She's just gallivanting having a grand old time.

Apparently, the money she had last year when she went to California for her trial where her rights were terminated. That money where after said rights were terminated was used to take her BF to Disneyland... that came from filing fraudulent taxes and claiming the kids.

I am at a loss. How can she keep victimizing these kids? Here I am still struggling to keep these kids in what they need and get them the best and she keeps using them. When will she go away? Will I have to live at her whim for the rest of my life as long as I have these children?

I don't expect to be rewarded. I don't feel that I am doing anything special. I just want her to go away forever. Her and my mother. They may not directly mess things up for us but they sure are working hard behind the scenes.

I wasn't expecting much of a return but I was still expecting enough to scrape us through the adoption. Because of what she has done there has to be an investigation which I have been advised typically takes up to 2 months before the final resolution.

With the costs of tuition, the new car insurance and now payments... it's going to be beyond tough. These are things that had to be done at the moment. I really did get an incredible deal on the new van because of a dealership error. If I didn't take advantage of it, we could never have a van like this. I know I don't have to justify it but to give you a true idea. The van is a 2007 with the plastic still on it and we saved $14,000 on this van.

What really ticks me off is that we went into all of these commitments level headed, we watched this van for 3 weeks before the dealership error and while we will most likely make it through ok, I just wish for once things would just pan out without strife. I feel like I just need a break from the bull and selling my old life and last link to myself before I got all lost in this was hard.

I do remember shopping with you, Kether... I mean weren't you like new to the country or something...oh, wait....no... you were my mama and we needed the car with the ice tray in the back for drinks and stuff. lol

I'm just tired of feeling like my life isn't my own. Which in itself is truth. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if God were the only one in the driver's seat but honestly, it feels like every time he tries to give us a hand, my mom and the kid's mother make sure they smack us down.

Hubs and I were so excited. I was still cautious but once it was all done and we had dotted our i's and crossed our t's I was stupid enough to allow myself to relax and to feel the weight come off my shoulders and to be so thankful. Now the load feels twice as heavy and I feel like a loser.

The business of Valentines...

So of course, Valentines was a frenzy.

Choosing the right card,


Spelling ones name over and over again..

Hard Work...

When all was said and done 142 Valentines (not including teachers) had been addressed and 125 pencils had been attached to said Valentines. I had two kids who lost their Valentine privileges, which meant I was left to address and attach the pencils to those and then I had to check the Boy's valentines and rewrite names underneath his writing so that the teacher would have an idea of what went where. Good thing those were done the weekend before because the night before Valentines day commenced the baking portion of the holiday...and boy was there baking.












The boy took frosted heart sugar cookies and the oldest and the middle child took cupcakes: devil's food and vanilla of course! Lucky for me, I got off easy with Strawberry Shortcake, they only wanted a bag of chips and Poufy only needed paper goods.

Later on at home, we had our own Valentine's day party where we exchanged gifts. It was an ok day.

Saying Goodbye to an old friend

Things have been crazy busy. There's been plenty of ups and downs.

On Superbowl Sunday, I closed the chapter on one part of my life and opened the next.

I'm still sad about it but there's nothing that I could do really.

I sold my Mustang. It's been a long time coming. I just felt like that part of my life had been snatched from me.

It's such a hard thing to articulate. But the Mustang has been sitting for 5 years and even though I still had hope I could drive it again, after the kids came and it was inevitable we would adopt, I knew that would never happen.

The second part of it was that I had thought to sell it to my sister. But after their accident and how badly she is hurt. I knew I couldn't sell it to her. I was too worried. I mean, they were driving a GMC Jimmy and it was totaled. If she were in my Mustang she would be dead.

I had recently saw something that might work for us and put in an inquiry. I was shocked when they called me on Sunday, but I reluctantly set to work on getting the Mustang ready.

I took it to one of those car washes where you can watch it go through the wash. I was remembering good times, funny times in that car and I was starting to tear up. As the car was coming out of the wash, I was starting to feel foolish because it's just a car. Soon it would be over.

But it wasn't. Since the car had sat on my property for so long it was dirty. Literally tons of dirt. So we started the whole process of sending it through the wash again after they had power washed it with one of those high pressure hoses.

So, I had to go through the whole mix of emotions again.

But in the end. This is what I came home with.











It's a very nice 12 passenger van. I got a really good deal on it. But this time I really did. You know how most times you leave the lot thinking you did an awesome job and then find out you've been bent over? Well, I made sure that didn't happen this time. It was a fair deal. No bells or whistles.

Probably because I was reluctant about my Mustang and because I could care less if I brought this van home or not. Yeah, it's nice to have all the space. But Hubs can't ride in the new van and it's not my Mustang.

I know I sound like an ass. I know that God pushed me forward for this and that it's something that we needed. I know I need to FROG (fully rely on God) but I feel like my life and myself and my youth are being snatched from me.

I resent their mother. She's taken my life. After she screwed things up for me almost 12 years ago, it took nearly 10 of those years to get myself back to right and then she did it again. At this point, I'm tired of making lemonade out of all the lemons and I want to start throwing the lemons instead and shoving them down throats.

I know this should be a happy post. It's such a weird place to be. I feel like I truly have no control over my life and no matter how I look for what I can manage on my own...someone else is pulling my strings and it's not always God.

So much to update...

Just no time... Hopefully this week.

This is quick because this is the countless night in a row that I am getting to bed at 5 am. Seeing that my alarm will be going off at 6 am, I better call it a night (day?).

Goodnight, Good day!