On Superbowl Sunday, I closed the chapter on one part of my life and opened the next.
I'm still sad about it but there's nothing that I could do really.
I sold my Mustang. It's been a long time coming. I just felt like that part of my life had been snatched from me.
It's such a hard thing to articulate. But the Mustang has been sitting for 5 years and even though I still had hope I could drive it again, after the kids came and it was inevitable we would adopt, I knew that would never happen.
The second part of it was that I had thought to sell it to my sister. But after their accident and how badly she is hurt. I knew I couldn't sell it to her. I was too worried. I mean, they were driving a GMC Jimmy and it was totaled. If she were in my Mustang she would be dead.
I had recently saw something that might work for us and put in an inquiry. I was shocked when they called me on Sunday, but I reluctantly set to work on getting the Mustang ready.
I took it to one of those car washes where you can watch it go through the wash. I was remembering good times, funny times in that car and I was starting to tear up. As the car was coming out of the wash, I was starting to feel foolish because it's just a car. Soon it would be over.
But it wasn't. Since the car had sat on my property for so long it was dirty. Literally tons of dirt. So we started the whole process of sending it through the wash again after they had power washed it with one of those high pressure hoses.
So, I had to go through the whole mix of emotions again.
But in the end. This is what I came home with.
It's a very nice 12 passenger van. I got a really good deal on it. But this time I really did. You know how most times you leave the lot thinking you did an awesome job and then find out you've been bent over? Well, I made sure that didn't happen this time. It was a fair deal. No bells or whistles.
Probably because I was reluctant about my Mustang and because I could care less if I brought this van home or not. Yeah, it's nice to have all the space. But Hubs can't ride in the new van and it's not my Mustang.
I know I sound like an ass. I know that God pushed me forward for this and that it's something that we needed. I know I need to FROG (fully rely on God) but I feel like my life and myself and my youth are being snatched from me.
I resent their mother. She's taken my life. After she screwed things up for me almost 12 years ago, it took nearly 10 of those years to get myself back to right and then she did it again. At this point, I'm tired of making lemonade out of all the lemons and I want to start throwing the lemons instead and shoving them down throats.
I know this should be a happy post. It's such a weird place to be. I feel like I truly have no control over my life and no matter how I look for what I can manage on my own...someone else is pulling my strings and it's not always God.
