In response...

I thought maybe I should respond in a second post because I'm not sure people come back and read my comments.

I have my ups and downs. Of course, everyone does. Right now I just feel I am being thrashed.

I don't mean to appear ungrateful for the new van, nobody said I was. I just feel like my thunder was stolen from me. That in combination with the fact that I can't get rid of the kid's mother.

I wasn't going to share this...but I am so angry I need to get it off my chest. Hubs and I went to do our taxes the other day. We did everything according to the book and the results were like a gift from God because the tax return would have enabled us to buy this used bus complete with lift that would fit all the kids more than comfortably and accommodate Hubs too for a steal! Perfect for the trip to California for the adoption. It would have also enabled us to comfortably afford a modest memorable trip to the Grand Canyon along the way. It was like unreal how it was falling together.

But what happens?

Our return gets rejected. Someone else has claimed the kids. I called my sister and asked about the kid's mother. Oh, but don't you know... she went to H & R Block and got this huge return that no one understands. She bought herself a new car and she's in a new apartment. She's just gallivanting having a grand old time.

Apparently, the money she had last year when she went to California for her trial where her rights were terminated. That money where after said rights were terminated was used to take her BF to Disneyland... that came from filing fraudulent taxes and claiming the kids.

I am at a loss. How can she keep victimizing these kids? Here I am still struggling to keep these kids in what they need and get them the best and she keeps using them. When will she go away? Will I have to live at her whim for the rest of my life as long as I have these children?

I don't expect to be rewarded. I don't feel that I am doing anything special. I just want her to go away forever. Her and my mother. They may not directly mess things up for us but they sure are working hard behind the scenes.

I wasn't expecting much of a return but I was still expecting enough to scrape us through the adoption. Because of what she has done there has to be an investigation which I have been advised typically takes up to 2 months before the final resolution.

With the costs of tuition, the new car insurance and now payments... it's going to be beyond tough. These are things that had to be done at the moment. I really did get an incredible deal on the new van because of a dealership error. If I didn't take advantage of it, we could never have a van like this. I know I don't have to justify it but to give you a true idea. The van is a 2007 with the plastic still on it and we saved $14,000 on this van.

What really ticks me off is that we went into all of these commitments level headed, we watched this van for 3 weeks before the dealership error and while we will most likely make it through ok, I just wish for once things would just pan out without strife. I feel like I just need a break from the bull and selling my old life and last link to myself before I got all lost in this was hard.

I do remember shopping with you, Kether... I mean weren't you like new to the country or something...oh, wait....no... you were my mama and we needed the car with the ice tray in the back for drinks and stuff. lol

I'm just tired of feeling like my life isn't my own. Which in itself is truth. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if God were the only one in the driver's seat but honestly, it feels like every time he tries to give us a hand, my mom and the kid's mother make sure they smack us down.

Hubs and I were so excited. I was still cautious but once it was all done and we had dotted our i's and crossed our t's I was stupid enough to allow myself to relax and to feel the weight come off my shoulders and to be so thankful. Now the load feels twice as heavy and I feel like a loser.