Balloons!

God Answered Me...

Today was therapy for the kids.

Lately, I've been questioning whether I should go through with the adoption. The kids have been very disrespectful and basically just regressing. I've been asking myself why I am putting myself through this torture because it has been torture most of the time.

Instead of having a "normal" life with a few bumps in the road. It's been nothing but bumps with a few hours of normalcy.

I've been physically hurt with scars to prove it in some cases and I've been totally disrespected as has hubs. My house has been destroyed. I spend my time repairing what they have broken so they can break it again or something else.

Anyway, there is no way to adequately explain what Hubs and I have been through this past year without getting into details that I shouldn't put out on the net.

The oldest has been following her mother's footsteps and it scares me. She's only 11. I brought it up at the session and of course it wasn't well recieved. I've told her that I grew up with her mother and that I see her and I know they aren't the same and I don't understand why she is doing this to herself.

I told her that she has the chance to be 11. She's the first in the family who has a chance to have a childhood even if it starts at 11 and not to waste it.

She had a smile pass her lips and the therapist asked her what the smile was about. She said that she was smiling because she would be the first to be a kid.

I started crying because it means so much. The loss of my childhood, having to become parents for family members my whole life, everything I have lost, everything I have been through. I never understood why the strife, why...me? What I had done to deserve this and to live through this and to be through this after surviving my childhood. But today, as I looked at her smiling and being proud of being the first. I stopped questioning my life choices and losses.

I realized yes, I had lost a lot. But because of that loss...look what I can offer. Look at the chance she is getting...the opportunity because of me and my sacrifices. Another step away from the family cycle. Another chance and opportunity at a real life. At that moment, it was all clear. Despite the pain and agony. Despite the loss of myself and my chance at life...Despite it all. If I can reach just one of the kids and let them know it doesn't have to be the way it always has been. It will be worth it.

Just...Lord give me the strength to take it all. Amen.

Oh, but before I go...

This is for the loser at Wal-Mart that was talking crap and doesn't know how to count...

I can't help it that you had a "rez education" and that my family got out.

But PLLLLLEASE...shut your mouth if you don't know how to count instead of talking $%^&!

Standing there saying "Some people don't know how to count." when you are the one who doesn't know how to count is just SAD. I told you there was less than 20 items. Did you even have the guts to say something to my face? Nope just muttering like the low class embarrassment that you are. You are the reason I wish I wasn't Native.

I DO know how to count and all you did was show how stupid you were. I felt sooooo sorry for you. I mean being that my kindergartener who is slooooow can count better than you can and all. Or was it the size of the 5 ft table that confused you and made you think it was more than one item?

Here's something a little less confusing, eh? I'm sure you know what this means by now. Oh and just in case...that is ONE (1) finger. Stupid B#$%.

I am still alive...

the only reason I am here and typing is because hubs is asleep. He's been on FOR-EVA. When he's not, we aren't here.

I can't even post a proper post because I have 15 minutes before I have to put him to bed. We have to get up at dark thirty (3:30 am)tomorrow morning so that we can be ready to get the kids up at 5:30 so we can make it to the 6:45 balloon launching.

I am a bit disappointed because I had ordered a camcorder and it should have been here in time for this. The Balloon Fiesta starts this weekend and I wanted to capture the kid's reactions to it.

Oh yeah, I should clarify. Hot air balloons-- hundreds. Tomorrow a hot air balloon will be launching from each school. It's actually pretty cool.

We'll have these incredible balloons filling the skies. I will try to at least get pics of the balloons. I am so behind on my blog reading and responding.

I suck...

Works For Me Wednesday Backwards Day!

Ok, my burning question has to do with flies. How do you get rid of them and keep them gone?

My neighbors recently purchased a horse and WE are under attack. I have flies in my house.My poor dogs are covered with them to the point that they are bleeding.

We keep the trash cans shut tightly and we pick up the dog poo twice a day if there's anything out there.

HELP! Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

For more questions this week, click here.

Tackle It Tuesday

Kitchen...


Last week I had to switch out our spare laundry room refrigerator because "hands of steel child" broke the one in the kitchen and food kept falling out of it.

Somehow, changing out refrigerators led to this...




Which drove me crazy.

So now it looks like this...

and this

Which reminds me I bought these light strips for under the cabinets and I love them. I'm going to buy more for the laundry room.


For more Tuesday tackles visit here.

Menu Plan Monday

Monday: Pizza Party!

Tuesday: Buffalo Wings- Lemon Pepper or Buffalo style and corn.

Wednesday: BBQ Beef Brisket Sandwiches, Roasted Potato wedges.

Thursday: Rosemary and Lemon Pepper Chicken, Rice Pilaf and Green Beans

Friday: Spaghetti and Meatsauce, Salad, French Bread

Saturday: Hotdogs and chips

Sunday: Vegetable Beef Soup in Bread Bowls.

For more menu planning click here.