Rheumatoid Arthritis Remission

These are the pills I take everyday, Starting from left to right: The big round one is a chewable vitamin C, the orange one is turmeric and bromelain - this is an anti-inflammatory. I actually found that the bromelain is necessary for me. Straight turmeric just doesn't cut it. The long oval white one is pantothenic acid- this is also an anti-inflammatory and it's used for morning stiffness and aches. Next to it is zinc and the last is vitamin D3. When I first started taking these I stopped the ibuprofen full on. I read that even though doctors know that NSAIDs not only kill pain but muscles, it is still the highest prescribed drug for these types of things. 

I will tell you, when I started taking these pills, I was hardly able to stand. I was spending my days in my recliner and I most literally didn't even want to breathe for fear I would move a vein or muscle. It hurt just to be. It hurt in my sleep, it hurt when I woke up. I dreaded standing up and boy did I dread the toilet. Movement became like some awkward painful dance. 

So, I did some research and decided "what the hell!" I mean what could it hurt? I was desperate and I wasn't getting any better. My inflammation was so bad that I couldn't bend my fingers unless I used my other hand to do it.  I noticed the effects immediately. But I still was in an incredible amount of pain. I was trying to go cold turkey on the Motrin. But I couldn't so I just took one 200 mg tablets 2 out of the 3 hellish days.  I almost didn't think I was going to make it. I was also taking Cat's Claw for pain, but I can tell you that didn't help me much. 

The immediate effects I noticed was a huge decrease in inflammation in my ankles first, then my wrists where I had huge knot like bumps.  Then my left knee and lastly my right knee and fingers. The pantothenic acid was working in the mornings. Don't get me wrong, it still hurt but this was a different pain. 

I had muscle pain: shoulders, knees, ankles, arms. Oh and in my fingers, especially my thumbs of all things. I would not take anything for it, because I realized muscle pain is something I could deal with compared to inflammation and I figured the stuff I read about NSAIDs must've been true. 

Within the first week, I was up and around doing stuff. Of course, I over did it. But as long as I could keep the inflammation in check the pain was bearable. I was and still deal with the mind-numbing and mysterious (to me) fatigue. I almost want to call it a mental fatigue because everything feels fully drained out and empty, I even have trouble getting my body to breathe. I just feel so.tired.

I still have my days and mostly it's my own fault because I forget my pills.  I have trouble swallowing pills and I was drowning myself to get them down only to throw them up. I started spacing them out.  I take the turmeric and bromelain first because it's the one that I noticed I really need. 

I still have mini-flares. I don't even know whether to consider it a flare up because it seems so minor in comparison to where I have been.

This picture is from yesterday. You can see how ugly my knuckles are now and you can also see the swollen finger. Sure it hurts but nothing like before and again, it's my own fault because it was two days without pills because I had completely forgotten. I know, how can I forget something like that?

This is a side view where you can see my fingers are actually starting to go in different directions. I'm sure there is probably some kind of jargon for this crap. My hand is also strangely wider. I don't remember my pinky being so....so...separate. 

This last picture is a view from above. This is how my fingers lie "flat" now. I wish I would've taken a picture when it was clawed. It was almost lopsided-spider-like and very scary.  

Right now I am in "mild" pain. My feet have the same issue as my hand and both hands have slight swelling in one finger. But it is only painful to touch it and I can deal with that. Especially after all I accomplished yesterday. 

I did a lot of sorting and wiping down stuff for homeschool. At one point I was kneeling over the tub to wash some oversized plastic book holders. I knew I was going to pay for it, but I wasn't expecting the extra "ass-like" lump that formed later last night on my thigh near my butt.  The lump is still there but the pain is almost gone. 

So, I'm not pain free or symptom free but I can deal with this. At first, I thought "HEY! I solved this!" and that the RA was gone but then it hit me like a ton of bricks that it will never be gone and this is what people call remission. That was hard to swallow. Really hard. 

Just to get this out there. I am not being paid for any of this. I have never formally been diagnosed and I don't have medical insurance.  I'm not the only one to have RA in my family and my symptoms are right on. I suppose I could have myself diagnosed but I am terrified of the whole pre-existing condition thing having seen how Hubbin's has been treated because of his quadriplegia and I don't want to be on injectables or any of those other drugs that seem to only make people feel worse instead of better.  I've made up my mind about this thing. I have kids and Hubbins to take care of but some day I won't and if I am going to be all crooked and unable to do the things I want, I will just check out.  I'm a wuss like that. 

Don't want to be a whiner...

Guys, don't worry about me. I'll be ok.  I'm just in a rough patch. 

I think I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Hell, who am I kidding. All I need is a Doctor's seal on it.

I've been having extreme joint pain to the point where I can't move. My arms, wrists, elbows, shoulders, ankles, fingers, toes, legs, knees. It's random and it moves and it's on both sides and nothing works. 

I used to take children's chewable tylenol (1 tablet) and be out within 10 minutes. I'm taking two @leves and nuttin'.  It's also  interfering with my sleep because if I do fall asleep and I am in pain, moving my leg or my arm or whatever hurts jolts me awake and then the anxiety kicks in and the next thing I know it's 4 in the morning and I'm still streaming movies or shows off of Netflix. Which I have to add, some of those BBC movies of classic literature that last 6 or more hours are pretty damn good! :-) 

At any rate, I was talking to Hubbin's home health nurse today and I was so exhausted. I told her some of the trouble I've been having and right off the bat she said it sounded like RA. I hadn't even mentioned it to her. But I know in my heart, it's what I have. 

I love to cross-stitch and crochet and I was teaching myself to knit. I like working outside with my roses and flowers. 

I like cake decorating and baking. 

I liked using my elliptical and I think the Wii Fit is fun, even if it makes my Mii so fat she can't put her arms down on her sides and she keeps twisting and turning to try to see her big butt. (Side note... since I got the Wii Fit, I've only been able to use it about a handful of times and have actually lost 5 lbs! My physical trainer on the Wii Fit can't complain either! LOL I LOVE IT!) 

I need my hands and my arms.  I need to be able to move. Taking care of Hubbins is very physically demanding. I transfer him from his bed to chair and back again every day. Even when I am in pain.  I do medical procedures on him that require me to pull and lift and turn him everyday. I do it all in pain and if Flo is visiting like yesterday. I just want to sit and die. 

I'm also predisposed to having joint issues because I am a pill baby and my joints didn't fully develop.  

All this has me down. The nurse recommended I take cinnamon for the pain. She told me if I go to the doctor that they will want to prescribe steroids and then narcotics and that since I am already building up a tolerance for pain meds, those things will no longer work in the long run and I will still have the damage to my bones, joints, muscles, etc... 

She's taking cinnamon for her pain and she said she doesn't have to take anymore pills for it.  So, I have some hope and today I was pretty good as far as the pain went. I'm sort of embarrassed to say it, but I think the weather has something to do with my pain too. When it's cold it hurts so bad. It's not cold in our house but if it's cold outside it hurts me. *blush*

Things could be worse, I'll be ok.  My kid made honor roll. We have a week off for Easter Break. I'm happy. 

Incidentally, I discovered that our CY$FD has a lending library and they are offering attachment courses. I'm excited and scared.  I noticed one of our local social workers follows J's blog and the blog for the local CY@FD people links to Lisa's blog. 

I'm scared because I have been threatened before by the local  CY@FD that if I couldn't do this they would take the kids from me, that was when we asked for services. I don't know what they could do now that the kids are ours. But it scares me. It's not the social worker we had. Our social worker knew nothing about RAD. 

I'm excited though because this social worker must know, or understand some of it if she is reading J's blog. I should hope.  I'm also excited because they have all the books and DVDs I wanted to read and watch. (including yours Lisa).  

It's so funny how I came across their blog. I couldn't even tell you how but it was less than 5 minutes after I had placed an order at @mazon. I think I was doing a search for that Give Me A Break DVD set.  Any how... I'm excited to get my paws on those materials. 

I was also doing some research on sleep aids. Surprisingly, not for me. But for CDQ. I've noted that she's been awake at all hours like myself and she's been especially cranky, rubbing her eyes, etc... I imagine she looks like me if I were to look at myself in the mirror. LOL! 

I bought some sleepy time tea. I was thinking of buying some of that calming baby body wash and having her bathe at night before bed.  That reminds me, I forgot I was going to buy that guided imagery book. 

Anyhow, I'll be ok. Just a rough patch. 

Sasha and The Terrible, Horrible, Awful No Good Day

I've been sick. I woke up Sunday morning and it sucked. The suckage has only multiplied. I've tried to make the best of it, but well. Did I mention, it sucks?



Today was my baking day but it was also the day for the social worker to visit and for me to finish the aprons because "Oh ship! I thought I had another weekend and week of school!" In the midst of baking all kinds o'crap, I realized a.) I don't like to make things for other people when I am sick, it's kinda gross. I mean, I didn't sneeze in anything or anything like that... but, I dunno, maybe it's just me. b.) "Ship! I already forgot what B was."



Forgetting...that's been happening a lot. I'd like to attribute it to the fact that I couldn't breathe until about 5 am and the alarm went off at 5:30 am. But... it's not just that.



Oh, and have I ever mentioned I've been turning yellow? Because, I have. My skin that is, it's turning yellow. After reading this over at Y's weeks ago, I realized she was also speaking for myself for the past...oh, 13 years.



I googled thyroid and low and behold! It's me...the clincher? Yellow skin and the fact that I've been wanting CHUNKS of Sea Salt. I know it's a very weird craving. Hubs was worried because I was actually pondering whether ice cream salts were edible and I've been trying to break into the sea salt grinder for months.



When he read Y's post, he agreed right off it sounded like me. Spot on. The weird thing about the salt is that it actually makes me feel better. I worry that it's bad for me because somewhere I was told it was bad for me or that salt was bad in general. I don't know what to do because now I am screwed.



No medical insurance. Maybe I should get on a boat to Cuba? Because this has been escalating for over a decade and I used to have the "Cadillac Plan" of health insurance. I've had many diagnoses: Retardation



Doc: "Your face is too round! You're retarded!",



Brain Tumors



Doc: "Your face is too round! You have a brain tumor!";



Too much activity



"You've overloaded yourself, you just need to relax, have fun, PARTY!"



When I started to have heavier menstrual problems and sought the advice of a female parts doctor her diagnosis was



"You're fine, you're just fat (this at 112 lbs)...by the way, your breasts are huge, do you play with them?"



Me: "Uh, no. "

Her: "Well you should."



I thought I had finally found answers when a doctor told me I was anemic. It seemed to fit the bill. Except taking iron really didn't make me feel any better. It made some things worse.



More often lately, I've been telling Hubs that something is wrong with me. Maybe I'm just stupid, but my cat, Scrawnie, my fiercely independent cat that would rather die than be seen with me these last few years (Since she was 4 almost 5 it's just not cool for her to hang around Mom anymore.), has been hanging out close enough to keep an eye on me. She's at the foot of the sofa, sleeping so close to it, she thinks I can't see her. I catch her staring at me sometimes, this might sound weird to some people, but to me, she looks concerned. People with pets will know what I mean.



All this health stuff has had me on the edge. Today, I lost it. I seem to be losing the ability to grip things as well, and yesterday I went in the store to buy bread crumbs only to buy most everything I forgot last time in the store and no bread crumbs. I found just enough in the pantry to make my chicken, only to drop the whole can of bread crumbs on the floor. That was my breaking point.



I'm still having trouble with some of the kids. I'm starting to think it may be that some are Bipolar. It runs on my sister's side of the family so it's in their genes and now from my reading I see that the exact environment that they were in can trigger it as well.



I just keep thinking something has got to give.