Video cameras

So next Thursday Hubbins and I will be anxiously awaiting  a video camera system delivery for our house. 

I can't take it anymore. We've talked to a contractor about adding on and it may be possible, but it will still be awhile at best. I have a lot of work ahead of me for that to happen. Funding, planning, etc... we decided not to move forward with the e@xtreme ho^me edition thing because although I share with you guys some of the stuff that we are going through, it is still a whole other animal to put it out there on tv. Like I told my friend, I just don't feel it's my story to tell. 

In the meantime Poufy and CDQ still share a room because they are the most toxic in the house. The other three are doing ok and I know to change them up will be a major mistake. 

I ordered the cameras because of an incident that occurred and the fact that I can truly not tell who is telling the truth. They both lie so naturally.  This is CDQ and Poufy I am talking about.  I have caught CDQ picking on Poufy's scabs, ear wax, ear piercings...whatever she can think of and it didn't appear that Poufy was denying her either.  However, today after dinner SS told me that Poufy told her that CDQ was covering her mouth and threatening to kick her butt if she told and that CDQ was touching Poufy's privates. 

My first reaction was pure anger. But being a RAD mom, I remembered to take a step back because they L-I-E and how many times have I made an ass out of myself over serious allegations like these to find out I was so wrong and lied to? 

I can't say what's true and what isn't. What I can say is the day that SS said Poufy told her this is also the day that CDQ "got" Poufy in trouble because you see they don't do anything to get in trouble, they have people who get them into trouble.  So it could be payback, after all don'tcha know I beat them daily and don't feed them? 

At least that was CDQ's story last week because she hates it here. Why? We don't get the Disney Channel. That's why she hates it here. I heard her on the intercom.  OOOOH man...words, words, words, words, WORDS!  (<-- That sentence is me being good or trying to) 

For now, my head is swimming.  My gut is telling me it's not true.  But it kinda feels more like denial than my gut.  

All I know for sure is that I can't wait for the system to get here. It's a dvr system, so we will have 24 hour surveillance and it will be recorded. It has night vision as well and I can access it over the internet and over my cell phone. 

I hope this is the answer and I hope it was a lie.  CDQ is dangerous and I often feel like she will not be able to lead a normal life and will have to be institutionalized because she is a danger to herself and others.  I get sooo nervous because she talks about being a foster mom when she grows up. *deep breath*

So far the whole," I like it when you beat yourself up thing" has worked to stop her from punching her legs and slamming her head against the wall when she doesn't get what she wants but she's getting older, bigger and more threatening and violent. 

I've ordered some books and DVDs  from the attachment site.

I was also excited to discover that I own a Reiki cassette. I found it late last night in my bathroom under the sink! It's divine intervention I say! I hadn't even heard of Reiki until I read Lisa's blog. I don't know where it came from...

Well, I mean I know where it came from there is a card taped to it that says the name of the woman that does it but I mean I don't know how it ended up in my house or how long it's been here. But it's a 60 minute educational program that explains Reiki and has some guided routines.  I haven't had a chance to pop it in and listen but I'm excited. 

Ok, maybe it's the excitement over the cassette or my head is still swimming from all of this but I am feeling kinda weird and dizzy right now so I am going to end this here and walk away and try to clear my mind.

Hope you all are well. 

Dumb and Dumber

So weeks ago, I purchased this kick ass stove. Actually, come to think of it, it could have been a month by now. 

Hubbins had narrowed it down to two that would do the trick for us. Glass top, double oven convection, pizza setting, programmable...the works! We mulled over it and I picked the opposite of the one he wanted (of course) but the clincher! Mine went on sale!  Well, then we had to get it.  It was a sign you know? Plus I had gone the extra mile and went to the website and checked out all the features and watched the demos. After I sent that info to Hubbins, well he was lusting for it too! 

They were actually able to deliver it that very weekend I bought it and they called us and let us know that we were the first for delivery which was perfect because I had a cookie booth that afternoon. 

I have to admit, I was suspicious. I mean usually we have to wait at least two weeks for an appliance delivery and we are NEVER the first for delivery. 

So they actually came when they said they were...well truthfully they were 15 minutes early.  (I know! Never happens!) They went to set it up and promptly informed me that I didn't have a plug for it. Well you see, the other is propane and I hate it. I wanted electric this time.

Hubbins asked me if there was a plug back there before we bought it and yes, there are two plugs actually. But neither one is right.  Turns out we have to get one of those big hunkin' plugs ( why, yes that's the technical name for them) installed and our box doohickey (yes, another technical name)could be full. WONDERFUL! 

The delivery people said they could take it back but I said no! Just leave it in the box and I pushed the box from the living room to a corner in the kitchen and it has sat there for weeks. Every week Hubbins is supposed to call THE GUY to get an estimate and schedule it but he doesn't do it. 

Today, I had it. 

Cell ringing: 

Me: "Hello!"

Hubbins: "Do you want me to call the guy about the stove?"

M: "Um, yes. Please."

H: "Ok, I'll do that right now."

M: "GOOD!"

Later, me calling Hubbins: 

H:"Hello?"

M:" It's me!, Did you get ahold of THE GUY?" (because I was all expecting a date set and every thing, silly me!)

H: "uhhhhhhhh...no."

M: "What do you mean no? He wasn't there?"

H: *silence*

M: "You didn't call him did you? Why did you call me and tell me you were going to call him and then didn't do it?"

H: *silence*

M: "Maybe you think the box is all pretty and like seeing it in that corner but I don't. That's the most expensive ********** box I've ever bought!"

H: "Ok, ok... I call him right now."

click. 

Seriously, he plays games on the computer all day, ALL DAY! Even emails the programmers to tell them he's found a bug in their games. *rolling eyes* 

It's been a month easily that I've told him over and over at the beginning of the week. Call THE GUY set it up for Friday, etc.... MEN! 

UPDATED: THE GUY is coming tomorrow! WHOO HOO! Hopefully we will be able to set up the work ASAP!

Thankfully...

Cookie sales are over and my job as collection person is almost done. 

Now...now I need to put the smack down here at home. Things have been escalating and I don't have ONE single kid behaving. Not even the 13 year old non RAD kid. 

I think I might have one small victory. CDQ likes to pound her fists onto her legs when she doesn't get her way.  Today she was going at it. Everyone thought I was crazy because I said "the one good thing about CDQ is that when you feel like smacking her she takes care of it for you by doing it herself. So considerate AND satisfying. " 

I could hear in the monitor, she did an inward scream/groan and then there was silence. No more leg pounding with her fists for the rest of the day! The family thinks I've lost my mind, but I think I've appealed to her ODD.  I hope so anyway. I'm tired of her hurting herself and I don't feel comfortable doing the hold on her. 

Oh yeah, I also installed locking doorknobs on some of the closet doors. The kids don't need access to them so...why tempt them?  Do you know that I can now install a doorknob in less than 15 minutes (that's including complications).  

I am *still* unpacking boxes. Yeesh!  But I've also been putting stuff I have bought over the years up where I intended them to go but never had the time.  I'm starting to like my house even more again. lol 

Sneaking in a post...

Ok, so I've been thinking about the stealing thing and trying to figure it out and I am confused. 

The kids aren't to be in our room at all, they stole from our room... Girl Scout Cookies amongst many other things that we keep in our room because we are keeping it from them because of previous experiences.  I've also figured out that all FIVE of them are stealing.  

How do I let them steal. I mean... that was expensive.  Chores don't bother them, loss of privileges don't bother them. I can't waste money like that. We had already bought a CASE of cookies for home, so it wasn't like they didn't have any. 

I have things that they just can't steal and unlike when I ask them to lie and they can't, they have no problems with stealing. 

How does allowing them to steal work when there are things that can't be stolen? When you let your kids steal do they act like it's a prize and take ridiculous things... I'm talking like jewelry, radios, tv, the wii?   Please tell me your kids are like this? lol 

CLARIFICATION: I guess (because who really knows?) that when I tell them they can steal stuff they think I am giving them things, as in just take what you want.  Does that make sense?  I should also probably mention that they are 7,8,9, and 10 years old. I think the 13 yo probably wouldn't steal if I gave her permission and told her it was stealing.  I also know for a fact that my kids know what stealing is and means.  The only one who may have some confusion is the 7 year old. That's why I say that I guess above because I have no clue and when I ask them some of them really have no clue while others don't say or I can tell that they just take it because they want it and don't care about consequences. 

I have called the police before when the now 10 year old stole money off her teacher's desk. The Sheriff came out and it seemed to work, he made them all junior deputies and he would drop in every now and then and ask SS how she was doing but he hasn't been around in awhile.  I don't really think he should be expected to keep coming out here either. 

Hope that clears up some stuff. 

I'll be so glad when...

Cookie sales are over. They actually are over, but I'm still trying to collect money from parents over a week after the deadline. Ultimate time suckage. I should be enjoying spring break. Instead I am stressing over this crap.  Blah....

Hopefully, I will find some time to post. Hope all is well out there. 

Message About Torina's Blog...

A troll nearly ate Torina and she is now hiding under the bridge at a Busy Intersection. Her blog, as a result, is now private and you will need a password to get in. If you are a reader, you can email her at torina.busyintersection at yahoo dot com for access.

Thanks!!!

Stealing

Yesterday Hubbins did a wonderful thing. We made dinner together early and then he sent me on my way to the movies so I could have a night out. 

Unfortunately, the two kids who had been doing well...well they robbed Hubbins and I blind. Hubbins spent the entire day with those two and he thought they had gone to their room to read. But apparently, they only allowed the alarm to sound to their room and then they went into our room and stole everything that wasn't nailed down basically. 

When I realized what they had done. I was livid. Under no circumstances whatsoever are any of them ever allowed in our bedroom and it was such a violation. I am at a loss, two weeks ago I found out that the other three were stealing as well. I can't lockdown everything in my house and I can't keep watch on all of them at the same time. 

This means that nothing gets done. We are at a standstill. I can only homeschool one kid at a time and with the other two girls *still* acting out... well, looks like everyone is staying in the same grade this year. 

We can't trust the kids to do chores to "repay" us because there are so many of them and it's hard to be following them. It becomes more of a pain then anything and I can't guarantee a return for that amount of time lost, does that make sense? 

Plus, how long do these kids go without anything? Every time they earn the privilege to have something back, they act out.  I have this set up I want to put out for them but with the standstill and all, I just don't know. 

I was thinking of moving onto domestics in homeschool but I guess we are going to have to go back and revisit trustworthiness, responsibility and honesty.  I've tested them and with the exception of the boy, the girls more than know the difference between right and wrong and there is absolutely no excuse for the oldest to be stealing. 

I'm trying to be understanding and to acknowledge that these behaviors are just that. But as most of you know, it's not an easy feat. 

I've been angry lately. Not at the kids but at people because they trigger these things with their big mouths.  CDQ is major BPD and along with that comes the distortion of her self-image. She is a leap year baby and she's clung to that as being what makes her "special".  A lady we know made the mistake 6 weeks ago of telling all the girls in girl scouts that CDQ was special because of her b-day and she totally regressed to the day she got here and has been there ever since. I'm not saying her behavior was stellar before but it wasn't starting all over again. 

I don't know if you remember my post about Poufy's eyes being normal? But shortly after that, I took her in for another blood draw for her thyroid. The lady drawing the blood told her she had beautiful green eyes.  One, Poufy's eyes are not green they are hazel. But again, her grandma (also the person who told CDQ she was "special" because of her birthday)  used to call her the green eyed monster.  The lady didn't stop there, she asked Poufy where she got her green eyes from.  I saw total fear and paralysis as Poufy looked to me with disdain.  I think it was the first time ever words have been exchanged between us through our eyes.  I ignored the woman and Poufy literally started rocking herself.  But the woman wouldn't let it drop. Finally I told her, but I didn't say what I wanted to say "She has her abusive murdering father's eyes." Instead I said it with out the murdering part because I don't want Poufy to think that (but I think she does) when people remark on her eyes .  But I so wanted to shame that woman.  Why of all things? 

I know they were innocent people with innocent remarks but still...why those things? Poufy's had it rocky since then and her pupils are back to being huge.    

I just can't seem to protect them and the urge is so strong but yet I still feel the need to protect Hubbins and myself from them. It's so complicated and it's a losing fight because I think it's something that can never really be done.