Very Interesting Indeed...

So, last night I was looking at the little feedjit bar at the side of my lil blog here and I noticed someone surfed in from a website that I wasn't familiar with. I don't normally even look at that bar because I'm usually just making sure my post looks ok. Some things catch my eye, like my hometown for instance (Hi Kandi! *blush*)

However, this time, I was curious. It was a weird name. Turns out I've been linked at said website under "latest news". I'm dumbfounded because nobody asked me. I'm even more dumbfounded because as I was trying to form an opinion about the site it told me that I had exceeded my CPU quota with their site...wtf? I was suspended from seeing a site that was linking to me and inadvertently (at least I hope) copyrighting my material and allowing people to reproduce it for personal non-commercial use. Double WTF!?!

I know the site had to do with RAD and adoption but what exactly, I didn't get a chance to catch. I'm upset. It could be for something good but why couldn't they ask me first?

When I was younger, I was part of a Ballet Folkorico Company dance group that went around Arizona performing at malls, schools and where ever. Fast forward to a school field trip to the library, me-10 years old, waiting for my best friend to check out her books. I was standing by a kiosk and I decided to pick up Arizona magazine, the one with the pretty flowering cactus on the cover.

I'm flipping through and I almost have a heart attack, there blown up almost more than half of a page was a close up of me performing. I was scared.

Maybe that's a weird reaction, but it scared me that people could see me like that without my knowing. I took every one of those magazines I could find and I stopped allowing my picture to be taken.

You might ask, well what about blogging? Until Bela's murder and my family deciding they want to live a "ghetto-fabulous" life, I wasn't worried about it. I was dipping my toes in the water. Trying to move forward, trying to put myself out there. They knew about my blog. My mom would even comment sometimes.

Being with my husband has sort of made me a shut in. Whatever isn't accessible to him has suddenly become inaccessible to me. I think I hurt his feelings sometimes because I don't think he understands how much of my life I've given up. I've never really told him because I don't want it to seem like I am throwing it in his face. But I wish he would understand that all the things that he hasn't had in his life wasn't the case for me. It's hard, especially when I felt my life was really just starting when we got together. So, I tried to reach out through the internet.

This blog is my only really outlet to the world. I don't know anyone out here. I don't mind too much. I think with all the chaos in my life right now I would be a lousy friend. I guess I have to just take my chances.

Let the Painting begin!

So I started painting today.

At first I thought I was using chocolate milk on the walls and then when it dried, hot cocoa maybe?

I wanted a light brown, maybe less pink, but I think I like it.

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As an aside and totally home improvement unrelated, I've contemplated whether to do this or not... I'm not trying to call anyone out on the mat or single anyone out but, I know that there is someone from Tucson visiting my blog. If you are no relation to me, than consider this post done. Have a wonderful day!

However, if you are related to me, don't come here. I didn't invite you. You chose to be out of my life. This is part of my life. I prefer to share it with strangers than with you. This is MY life. MY children. MY story that is no longer your problem or business. We don't exist to you. You are dead to us. Get it?

Punk'd

I've rented Punk'd from Netflix, and I gotta tell you...some of that stuff, I can rival. lol

Not as in I could Punk some one better but boy have I lived through some stuff where I've been wondering if I am being Punk'd. Ashton says these people should know, but I'd chalk it up to life if some of that back to back stuff happened to me.

Today was an ok day. It started off with Poufy breaking her glasses, her 8-day old replacement glasses, clean in half. The lense won't even stay in. The insurance isn't going to replace them again, especially 8 days after they just gave them to her and I don't feel I should be obligated to buy her another pair. It's ridiculous. So, I duct taped them. Let her feel it because it's not ok. RAD or not. I told her she needed to practice looking past the duct tape. You know what she did? She happily proclaimed she could see right past it already. I said good because when school starts she needs to be prepared and that's when the light bulb came on and she realized what she had done--to herself.

She also peed herself bright and early. So, we decided since she is acting two and the therapist says that her progression will start from the day we got them (2 years ago) we are treating her like she is 2. I've gotta tell you. Watching her open mouthed gaping at being treated like she is two is entertaining and sad.

Sad because it's all new to her...being two and being treated like it. Entertaining because you know, a two year old can't do nearly as much as a 7 year old. Nope. Bike riding, not really. Eating by oneself, nope. Playing outside with the big kids, uh uh. Or desserts, because in my book, peanut butter chocolate kiss cookies ARE NOT for two year olds, not like say---apple sauce or something.

We might even resort to a crib, we've got a brand new one, ready to build back from our make believe days of planning for OUR own kids. I guess that will never happen now. At least I can't see how. Yet another way, Jo was able to ruin our lives with her loserness.

It's really a double-edged sword, isn't it? I mean they could treat us worse if we were total strangers but they still treat us badly because we are relatives. Plus, we don't get the true luxury of being Mom or Dad. Because, face it, it's strange.

Anywho, just a rant thrown in there because I am dealing with the oldest as I write this and well her straight out bitchiness. Is there a more appropriate word for a tween?

I try to let it roll off my back and not take it personal, but being a punching bag really isn't my thing.

The other thing that is bothering me is that I had this strange dream. In my dream, I found a baby, a newborn preemie looking baby in a trash can in a public restroom stall. There was something wrong with it's leg, it was bruised and hurt.

I took the baby and I made it strong and she looked healthy but I was always afraid someone was going to come take her because she wasn't mine.

That's my life. In a nutshell. I worry, if I don't buy Poufy new glasses will they take her away? My kids wear grubbies in the summer, they are wearing pants with holes in them because they are outside learning how to ride bikes. I take them places like that because well, who wants a stack of laundry? They aren't dirty. But will anyone ask me?

I already felt like that before the therapist pulled all the crap about Poufy's weight. Does anyone else feel like people are watching and waiting for you to make a mistake?

Another Home Improvement Post...

Ok, so I downloaded like a gajillion pictures. That's how I realized I forgot the 4th *sheepish grin*


So here are some more pictures from the Home Improvement front...

This used to be our built in entertainment center area. I pulled that sucker out. It was not conducive to what we wanted or needed. I didn't realize how deep it really was. Although, sadly enough it's still not deep enough for my old school big screen TV.

Here's some after pictures for the flooring portion anyway, I still have to tape and texture it and cover up those junction boxes and paint. Believe it or not, I actually organized this. I remember posting on my old blog about putting in the child safety locks. Well, apparently the child safety locks are really just a different kind of lock as far as the kids are concerned because I can't seem to keep them out of there. Seems they just like things in chaos and jumbled and thrown everywhere. But I finally couldn't take it anymore. I redid the whole thing. Boy was it a mess! My cleaning supplies have tripled since the kids moved in.

I also installed this cute little light fixture over the kitchen sink. I love it! I got it at W@l-M@rt believe it or not! I could've looked for a slightly longer one but you know what? This one is perfect. I only wanted to light the sink and the two adjacent counters and this does an awesome job. I think it might even illuminate the area outside the window!
This is hopefully, the last ceiling fan I will install. This is the gameroom ceiling fan. It is the 7th ceiling fan in my house. Can I just say *sigh*. I am so glad this is done. It's not a hard thing to do it's just a PITA. Especially when you are short.
This is my prize Home Improvement find. LOL! I ran in to grab ONE thing from the store after church while Hubs and the kids were outside waiting and I came across this! We are HUGE Mon Chhi Chi Fans. HUGE! I came running out in my heels holding the rug in front of me. I didn't even wait to get in the van. I saw Hubs jaw drop. He couldn't believe it. lol

Lastly, here is a picture of one of the screens. I built one for our bedroom, one for our closet and 2 for the game room. I still have to build the one for the kitchen and one last one for the living room. I only bought enough to do half because I didn't want to drive myself crazy making them. The four I made yesterday took all day between the kids and cooking meals!
Today's plan is to fix three of the kids bikes. One needs the chain put back on and the other two need those slime tires installed.

I have other things on my list but I'm afraid to list them because I don't want to feel overwhelmed on my week off.

Oops...

I forgot to post 4th of July...

4th of July was one of those rare good days. Only one child was in trouble and even then it wasn't huge trouble. I didn't get any firework or sparkler pictures because this was our first year setting off fireworks of our own and well, it's really just me who can set them off. Which made me really nervous because well...did I ever tell you about the time a firework went off between my thumb and forefinger? Well, let's just say the adults were too busy getting drunk and high so they gave me (then 8) and one of my sister's cousins (10) the fireworks to light for the younger kids. We set off one of those spinning ones that turns really fast. They are just under two inches,anyway nothin' happened so they told me to pick it up and I did and I held it up to Jaime's ear and then it went off. POP! I couldn't feel my thumb or finger until the next day and Jaime couldn't hear either. Good times. NOT!



Anyhow, I was really nervous. Hubs picked out the fireworks because he's familiar with them. They weren't too bad at all. Just small little lights that went out quickly.



During the day, the kids knocked themselves out in the water. Running through this wiggly thing. You can't really see it but it's 15 feet of hose with all these skinny little wiggly things that shoot water in the air in all directions. I didn't get very good pictures of that because when it shot the water out it really shot it far and it was going in through the windows (my new floor!).

While the water was going there were also BUBBLES! Oh, the bubble anticipation! Can't you see it on their faces? While I'm looking at them... Poufy is the one with the blue swimsuit on, next to her is CDQ...does she really look that skinny? If you ask me they both are sticks. But I just don't see what the therapist does. CDQ is a year older so I expect her to be a little bigger but she's not that much bigger.

Can't forget the dessert. Typically I make some kind of cake but this year I decided to mix it up a little. This was so good. It was simply chopped up strawberries mixed in a glaze with blueberries, cool whip and chunks of angel food cake. Literally the bowl looked like this less than 3 minutes from making it. I like to think it was somewhat healthy. lol

Home Improvement post #4556787788

I'm not sure what I have posted or haven't posted so if I posted some of this stuff before...sowwry.

This is some of the concrete work I had to do before the floor installation because I wanted it to be even and smooth. I still have a patch of concrete to do at the end of the hallway and then I am done with concrete until I change out the other floors.

This is the stack of flooring I started with, it's supposed to cover the entire flooring space I have planned. However, now that I am nearing the end of the living room, I am seriously wondering about the hallway and whether I truly have enough.

Here's a before shot of the prepped subfloor. Actually, I think that's before it was prepped with primer for the tiles. I think I was getting ready to prep it. That would have been a good time to paint but we were still sane at that point.

Here's a picture with some of the tiles down.

I tried to get a picture with lighting so that the true color could be seen but that's not it.
It's actually darker, somewhere closer to this but not as dark.
It's hard to get a good accurate picture.

Here's my stack of tiles after half of the living room was complete, as in the corner that I posted pictures of today. I've done the other end and pulled out the built in entertainment center and tiled in there since then. I just have to take the pictures and transfer some of the pictures I have already taken.

I've also built and installed a couple of solar repelling insect screens for the windows. This stuff is cool, it's a little weird at first because they are hard to look out of but once you get used to it, it cuts down on the heat from the sun that comes through still letting the sun in AND it keeps itty bitty bugs out. I love it. To date, I've made 3 I think. This one in my room and two in the kitchen. Today I am going to make the second one for my bedroom, one for my closet, two for the game room and one for my kitchen. The kitchen one is a long rectangular shape but it will complete all the windows in my kitchen.

I'll be back with more updates and pics.

MAY YOUR SKY ALWAYS BE YELLOW

Here's the poem I mentioned in my previous post. I didn't know it had a title. The copy I had was typed on a typewriter and laminated. I know I have it here somewhere. This poem speaks to me because it was me.
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He always wanted to explain things
But no one cared
So he drew
Sometimes he would draw and it wasn’t anything
He wanted to carve it in stone
Or write it in the sky
He would lie out on the grass
And look up at the sky
And it would be only the sky and him and the things that needed saying
And it was after that
He drew the picture
It was a beautiful picture
He kept it under his pillow
And would let no one see it
And he would look at it every night
And think about it
And when it was dark
And his eyes were closed
He could still see it
And it was all of him
And he loved it
When he started school he brought it with him
Not to show anyone but just to have it with him
Like a friend
It was funny about school
He sat in a square brown desk
Like all the other square brown desks
And he thought it should be red
And his room was a square brown room
Like all the other rooms
And it was tight and close
And stiff
He hated to hold the pencil and chalk
With his arms stiff and his feet flat on the floor
Stiff
With the teacher watching
And watching
The teacher came and smiled at him
She told him to wear a tie
Like all the other boys
He said he didn’t like them
And she said it didn’t matter
After that they drew
And he drew all yellow
And it was the way he felt about morning
And it was beautiful
The teacher came and smiled at him“What’s this?” she said
“Why don’t you draw something like Ken’s drawing?”
“Isn’t that beautiful?”
After that his mother bought him a tie
And he always drew airplanes and rocket ships
Like everyone else
And he threw the old picture away
And when he lay out alone and looked out at the sky
It was big and blue and all of everything
But he wasn’t anymore
He was square inside and brown
And his hands were stiff
And he was like everyone else
And the things inside him that needed saying
Didn’t need it anymore
It had stopped pushing
It was crushed
Stiff
Like everything else.
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The boy handed this poem to his English teacher in Saskatchewan, Canada. Two weeks later he took his own life.
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I don't think my kids feel this way. I don't think they've ever felt "yellow" or even know what that's like. I try to encourage them to, but I think we have a lot more work ahead of us before we get there.