I'm sitting in my room on my bed. Holding back foolish tears. At least I think they are foolish.
I won't lie. The transitions from being single and independent to married and than 5 kids has been hard. Not adding the kids problems and Hubs health problems. But I used to be smart. I used to think. I used to do things when I wanted to without a second thought.
I know whaaa whaa whaa!
My life isn't bad but it also isn't what I wanted.
As I stood in the kitchen smooshing (yes, it's my word) the trash to fit more in because you know trash bags aren't cheap and all I was telling Hubs about the "Crazy" changes in the W@l-M@rt Frozen section. Yeah....*CRAZY* like the new foods they were carrying, frozen pizzas and new treats.
I heard myself. I couldn't believe that was what I had to talk about and the way that was something crazy in my now too small little world. Tears sprung to my eyes. Is this what my life has become? All my hard work to make sure I become someone or something better than what I came from and it comes down to a new frozen ice cream cupcake with BOTH chocolate and white cake? Is this it?
Hmmm, there was real whip cream and chocolate sprinkles, can't forget that can I?
2 comments:
The life i am living now is not what i wanted or ever dreamed of. But God sequestered me into it.If this is why i was created then so be it.
Amrita,
It's that *if* word that gets me and even you used it. :-)
I'm ok with where I am at for the most part *if* this is where I am supposed to be.
All signs point to "Yes!" this is where I am supposed to be (right now), but I have an inner nagging that this is not all and that I should be working harder, doing more, being more.
There's something more out there and I feel that I am flailing trying to pinpoint just what that is and what I am supposed to do.
Time's a wasting!
Does that make sense?
Post a Comment