Just being an Aunt

For the next two weeks I have my older nephew, I, staying with us. I didn't realize what a stress it was to be the "parent". I mean, I know it's stressful. But, last week when both my nephews were here with both their parents, I was the fun one. I was just the Aunt.


Hershey's kisses right before bed for a 2 year old ??? NO PROBLEM! How about I toss in some baby marshmallows with that? HELP YOURSELF! After all, do I really have to worry about it? His Mom and Dad can brush his teeth and chase him down all night. Right? I knew it bothered me that I couldn't just be the Aunt who spoiled them and that I had to be the "mean one". But I didn't realize it was a weight until these guys came to town. E (above) was so cute. I'm always strong with them when they first get here so they know they can't walk all over me or my home. Once they know the rules it gets fun. This little guy was hilarious. By the time he left he could say my name perfectly. Everything had my name in it and had to be seen by me. He would call out "Hey Sash!" Too funny! I hear that he's filling everyone's ears with my name back at his house.
I got to spend a few hours out shopping and talking with I (above). It was great to just have the one. I bought him a few things for his stay, as we weren't really planning on him to stay. Things just kind of fell into place for him to be able to stay here and visit after they were already here.

It used to be like that with the other kids. My oldest used to call me for advice and I used to take her to the movies. I used to buy all of them toys and clothes. I even took a few with their mother to Sea World back in the day.

I've always felt like it was my job to show them something better. But now that I have a different label. It's hard to know if I can ever get back that Aunt title or even find a balance between the two. I feel like I have to be more responsible and less fun because I can't have them thinking of me as a friend. It sucks.

I have a lot of thinking to do. It's such a weird space to be in.

Flash back

When I was 11 I used to play the violin in the Orchestra. My mom was totally against it. She used to tell me to stop making all that noise and to put it away. Then she thought it was funny if I had any issues to say that she would play the violin for me.

I still loved the violin and I've always wanted to buy one.

Fast forward to now. My oldest is 11. She came to me asking if she could play the violin. I was so proud. We went and picked up her instrument and bought a few things for it. I was as excited as she was to get my hands on it. Believe it or not. I still have my music. Stickers and everything from back in the day. That's how much I loved it.

I was worried that my oldest had chosen the violin because of me. I asked hubs if he thought I had pressured her into playing the violin. He thought I was crazy because all I ever said to her was that I used to play the violin and I missed it. He said she had already talked to him about it before she even asked me, so I was relieved. I didn't want to be one of those parents you know?

Here's my confession: I've been practicing in my room when she goes to bed. I feel like a hole in my heart is now being filled. I can feel the music through my fingers. The music sucks...but I feel it nonetheless. LOL I've forgotten how to read music and I've never known how to tune the violin so I'm playing it out of tune. Hot Cross Buns, Mary Had A Little Lamb, the Star Wars theme.

I feel like a weirdo but tonight when we took out the violin I was so relieved that I could actually help her with it. Boy does she need help. LOL But I'm kind of proud that I can be a supportive parent and not be like my mother. As I watched her clenching the violin under her chin and pushing the bow so hard against the strings. I couldn't help but try to keep this memory tucked away in my mind and heart. I'm so proud of both of us.