Things are going as well as can be expected.
My kids are double excited because of all the new homeschool changes and curriculum that they are seeing pop up around the house. It's crazy because I remember posting the alphabet and number charts, vowels and consonant charts, and then cursive charts and noun charts and parts of speech, etc... and now I'm posting human anatomy charts, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights charts and geometry charts. I was excited and a little sad myself...my babies aren't babies anymore. I mean, I know this, right? I see it every day but it's things like that which hit me the hardest.
They are already talking about college! Believe me it isn't a complaint and I'm not taking it for granted. We've ALL worked hard. I know I'm lucky. They don't want to leave home but say they know they need to leave for college and of course, I just hinted that in our state there is a student lottery which will pay for their bachelors degree as long as they keep a certain GPA AND, you know if they were still in school and stuff and they were doing well, like, um...they could still stay at home. Ah hem....*blush*
Poufy cracks me up. I was putting together her loft bed and I had just hung up the new posters. She came in and sat down next to me on the floor and she said "I am so excited for homeschool this year. I was excited before with the stuff on the shelf, but when I saw the poster of Presidents, I just knew this was going to be a fun year. I can feel it in my bones!" This said with her hair poufed to the ceiling (it was drying from her shower) and her eyes extra wide behind her glasses.
Which reminds me... they all have new glasses. Not to make this a PSA but women, please take care of yourself and do the prenatal things. My kiddos are losing their eyesight and they are so young. Every year it's a pretty big jump. I've got two that definitely can NOT see without glasses. In fact, with Poufy this time around they couldn't find a setting to help her see clearly. It was just good enough so she can see. I've been told that there's nothing that can be done about it and hopefully technology will advance before she loses all her sight and there will be a surgery for her. :-( I hope this happens, I hope there will be a surgery. She wants to be a scientist and study insects at this point in her life, she's been pretty steady with that for the past few years.
The girl's room is almost ready to go. We bought them loft beds with desks underneath. I've put one together fully, I need to install the second desk on the other and today we should get the third desk via Fed Ex. The oldest said she's excited because she finally feels like they are moving forward.
I've been working diligently on erasing all the reminders of the past. I've replaced one of the two refrigerators that CDQ broke, both the front and back door to the house that CDQ broke and we filled in all the holes she made. We still have to work on the computer she broke and the boy's room which was the last room she stayed in. I'll be buying the paint for his room in the next day or so. We've also replaced the bedroom door she broke and I still need to buy doorknobs for the bathroom and both of the bedrooms which she also broke. It was eyeopening because I had always treated them as a collective when I talked to them about the things they broke around the house but in fact, what the rest had done was minimal considering the overall damage CDQ had done.
I had a meeting this week with the treatment center. The insurance feels that they have done their job because CDQ is no longer suicidal or wanting to kill others (of course, she's not at home), the treatment center feels that CDQ cannot come home because she hasn't changed. She's traumatized children at the center. The youngest, a four year old girl. They told me that she does have all the markers for antisocial personality disorder (sociopath) and that sadly they don't see that ever changing. They told me they could keep her there for a month free but it would do no good, there would be no change. They told me I could send her to TFC where they would make sure that she was placed as an only child with no animals and highly skilled parents but even then, that would be for a year tops. They said even if it was just Hubbins and I and cameras and intercoms and door alarms we wouldn't be able to do it. We'd have to have cameras in the bathrooms and showers even because she's become an expert at making allegations towards others.
They are worried about what she would do to the family if she came back and are sort of recommending (because they can't tell us what to do) she never come back, which brought us to being charged with abandonment. It's the only way to keep everyone safe. I feel like this needs to change, I don't know what I am going to do about it but we can't keep getting charged with these things (as I know other adoptive parents have) because of our children having severe mental issues while their biological parents are free with all THEIR rights intact. So in the next couple of weeks we will be meeting with CYFD so that we can ask any questions and make an informed "decision". If you ask me, CDQ already made the decision.
I'm in a weird place, I'm not angry and I'm not sad anymore. I've given this to God and I feel like I can't be angry or sad. I feel like my heart has mostly stepped out of this and my brain has taken over. I NEED to protect my other children and yes, CDQ doesn't realize what she's done and she is a disturbed child but I've literally done all I can do. Maybe if she were the only consideration I would continue to run myself down. But she's not. I've seen first hand what happens to the others when the mother tends to the one child, and the outcome is not good and nothing changes with that child in the end but the other children are left broken and needy. I have a chance to do right by the other four, I can't let them down.
My kids are double excited because of all the new homeschool changes and curriculum that they are seeing pop up around the house. It's crazy because I remember posting the alphabet and number charts, vowels and consonant charts, and then cursive charts and noun charts and parts of speech, etc... and now I'm posting human anatomy charts, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights charts and geometry charts. I was excited and a little sad myself...my babies aren't babies anymore. I mean, I know this, right? I see it every day but it's things like that which hit me the hardest.
They are already talking about college! Believe me it isn't a complaint and I'm not taking it for granted. We've ALL worked hard. I know I'm lucky. They don't want to leave home but say they know they need to leave for college and of course, I just hinted that in our state there is a student lottery which will pay for their bachelors degree as long as they keep a certain GPA AND, you know if they were still in school and stuff and they were doing well, like, um...they could still stay at home. Ah hem....*blush*
Poufy cracks me up. I was putting together her loft bed and I had just hung up the new posters. She came in and sat down next to me on the floor and she said "I am so excited for homeschool this year. I was excited before with the stuff on the shelf, but when I saw the poster of Presidents, I just knew this was going to be a fun year. I can feel it in my bones!" This said with her hair poufed to the ceiling (it was drying from her shower) and her eyes extra wide behind her glasses.
Which reminds me... they all have new glasses. Not to make this a PSA but women, please take care of yourself and do the prenatal things. My kiddos are losing their eyesight and they are so young. Every year it's a pretty big jump. I've got two that definitely can NOT see without glasses. In fact, with Poufy this time around they couldn't find a setting to help her see clearly. It was just good enough so she can see. I've been told that there's nothing that can be done about it and hopefully technology will advance before she loses all her sight and there will be a surgery for her. :-( I hope this happens, I hope there will be a surgery. She wants to be a scientist and study insects at this point in her life, she's been pretty steady with that for the past few years.
The girl's room is almost ready to go. We bought them loft beds with desks underneath. I've put one together fully, I need to install the second desk on the other and today we should get the third desk via Fed Ex. The oldest said she's excited because she finally feels like they are moving forward.
I've been working diligently on erasing all the reminders of the past. I've replaced one of the two refrigerators that CDQ broke, both the front and back door to the house that CDQ broke and we filled in all the holes she made. We still have to work on the computer she broke and the boy's room which was the last room she stayed in. I'll be buying the paint for his room in the next day or so. We've also replaced the bedroom door she broke and I still need to buy doorknobs for the bathroom and both of the bedrooms which she also broke. It was eyeopening because I had always treated them as a collective when I talked to them about the things they broke around the house but in fact, what the rest had done was minimal considering the overall damage CDQ had done.
I had a meeting this week with the treatment center. The insurance feels that they have done their job because CDQ is no longer suicidal or wanting to kill others (of course, she's not at home), the treatment center feels that CDQ cannot come home because she hasn't changed. She's traumatized children at the center. The youngest, a four year old girl. They told me that she does have all the markers for antisocial personality disorder (sociopath) and that sadly they don't see that ever changing. They told me they could keep her there for a month free but it would do no good, there would be no change. They told me I could send her to TFC where they would make sure that she was placed as an only child with no animals and highly skilled parents but even then, that would be for a year tops. They said even if it was just Hubbins and I and cameras and intercoms and door alarms we wouldn't be able to do it. We'd have to have cameras in the bathrooms and showers even because she's become an expert at making allegations towards others.
They are worried about what she would do to the family if she came back and are sort of recommending (because they can't tell us what to do) she never come back, which brought us to being charged with abandonment. It's the only way to keep everyone safe. I feel like this needs to change, I don't know what I am going to do about it but we can't keep getting charged with these things (as I know other adoptive parents have) because of our children having severe mental issues while their biological parents are free with all THEIR rights intact. So in the next couple of weeks we will be meeting with CYFD so that we can ask any questions and make an informed "decision". If you ask me, CDQ already made the decision.
I'm in a weird place, I'm not angry and I'm not sad anymore. I've given this to God and I feel like I can't be angry or sad. I feel like my heart has mostly stepped out of this and my brain has taken over. I NEED to protect my other children and yes, CDQ doesn't realize what she's done and she is a disturbed child but I've literally done all I can do. Maybe if she were the only consideration I would continue to run myself down. But she's not. I've seen first hand what happens to the others when the mother tends to the one child, and the outcome is not good and nothing changes with that child in the end but the other children are left broken and needy. I have a chance to do right by the other four, I can't let them down.
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