It's no secret that I'd finally found a supportive therapist who knew CDQ's behaviors better than I did. He has worked with RAD children and he had a case very similar to CDQ's not too long ago. This therapist REALLY got it. And when he told me to take care of me, he really meant it. No guilt trips, no judgement.
So it was quite a punch in the gut when I answered the phone and was told he had left the treatment center some time last week and that this guy would be taking over. This guy (new therapist) is the teacher for the RAD class I tried to take but dropped out of when I decided that he and the other therapist were right and I did need to take care of myself.
I was lucky enough to be standing near my recliner because my knees failed me and I dropped into it. I kept hearing my mind telling me "Stress is your biggest enemy." over and over again. But I literally felt devastated like my world had just crumbled under me.
I must've remained in shock because I called my mom to make sure she wasn't using my car this Thursday so I could make the meeting. I told her what had happened. I still hadn't lost it.
Being the gossip that my mother is, she came home and came directly to the kids room where I was steam cleaning their carpet. She just jumped right into it.
I hadn't told the kids yet.
She was more than eager to fill them in. I have to admit I was pissed watching her get her jollies being a damn gossip. I could see the oldest and the two youngest weren't taking it well either. I think that's what broke me. I tried not to cry but my face just crumbled.
My mom asked me what was wrong and I told her.
"He was the only person in the world who really understood."
Because let's face it. You guys are all out there and yes we have an understanding but I think it might be different when you meet another person face to face who is truly in your corner and who is fighting the same war right beside you.
Really someone who supported me and could actually do something about it.
I'm crying now as I type this because it feels like I'm mourning. I lost someone who was so important. Someone who helped me keep my sanity and helped ME feel safe.
I wasn't told the circumstances of his leaving. But I know CDQ had made accusations towards him and he had expressed that he was glad he never shut his door anymore to dispel any accusations his patients might make. I truly hope CDQ didn't have anything to do with this. Signs would point to no because he's been in the field almost as long as I've been alive.
But this child is that sick. Anything is possible with this child.
My world is spinning and I can't seem to find how to stop it.
So it was quite a punch in the gut when I answered the phone and was told he had left the treatment center some time last week and that this guy would be taking over. This guy (new therapist) is the teacher for the RAD class I tried to take but dropped out of when I decided that he and the other therapist were right and I did need to take care of myself.
I was lucky enough to be standing near my recliner because my knees failed me and I dropped into it. I kept hearing my mind telling me "Stress is your biggest enemy." over and over again. But I literally felt devastated like my world had just crumbled under me.
I must've remained in shock because I called my mom to make sure she wasn't using my car this Thursday so I could make the meeting. I told her what had happened. I still hadn't lost it.
Being the gossip that my mother is, she came home and came directly to the kids room where I was steam cleaning their carpet. She just jumped right into it.
I hadn't told the kids yet.
She was more than eager to fill them in. I have to admit I was pissed watching her get her jollies being a damn gossip. I could see the oldest and the two youngest weren't taking it well either. I think that's what broke me. I tried not to cry but my face just crumbled.
My mom asked me what was wrong and I told her.
"He was the only person in the world who really understood."
Because let's face it. You guys are all out there and yes we have an understanding but I think it might be different when you meet another person face to face who is truly in your corner and who is fighting the same war right beside you.
Really someone who supported me and could actually do something about it.
I'm crying now as I type this because it feels like I'm mourning. I lost someone who was so important. Someone who helped me keep my sanity and helped ME feel safe.
I wasn't told the circumstances of his leaving. But I know CDQ had made accusations towards him and he had expressed that he was glad he never shut his door anymore to dispel any accusations his patients might make. I truly hope CDQ didn't have anything to do with this. Signs would point to no because he's been in the field almost as long as I've been alive.
But this child is that sick. Anything is possible with this child.
My world is spinning and I can't seem to find how to stop it.
2 comments:
i wonder if you would consider writing him a letter care of his work adress, letting him know how much his support has meant to you, and asking if he might continue to be a resource to you in some way? you certainly deserve support, and it can't hurt to ask. i am not sure if it even feels relevant to your life if he isn't her therapist anymore, but i thought he might still be someone you could talk to/ email with sometimes.
Have you thought about trying to find where he went? Maybe he switched agencies or went into private practice. I'd Google him! I'd check LinkedIn... I'd try again in a few weeks if I don't find him as it might take him some time to get settled.
Mary
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