I've been asking myself this question over and over again...
Specifically, why is it so hard to let go?
I got a call yesterday asking to increase CDQs meds. After a brief struggle, I went ahead and asked how she was doing. They said she was doing great. Really? Cuz like didn't you just ask to increase her meds like 30 seconds ago?
I know they judge me and most of them never tell me the truth about CDQ. They think they are helping her. Naive jackasses. Just wait 'til she comes full circle and starts pointing her finger at you, then let's see where you stand. Pfft.
I know I need to let go. My mind needs to let go and my heart needs to let go and I need to give it all to God. I know this.
I know this soooo well. I know I can't stop her from f'ing up her life just like her mother. Her sister's dead because I couldn't stop her mother. CDQ wants to hurt and she wants to be the victim, just like her mother. Her sister's death happened to CDQ, and not her sister...just like everything happens to my sister.
I know these things happen to other people but CDQ uses it for attention seeking. Just like my sister does. People eventually figure out the truth. It's sad.
It's unfortunate to say the least, but it is what it is.
Damn.
Why is it so hard to laugh?
Is it because of the two empty spaces we now have? There are good things I can be posting left and right on here but I don't.
I guess part of it is the Internetz frown upon it, after all THE day I posted about how great my kids were doing, it came crashing down. We are on an upswing right now, but U-G-H!
Or is it because I feel like I have to hold everything else more tightly now? I have to keep everyone safe.
Or is it guilt? If it's guilt, it's so irrational. Why shouldn't we be happy too?
It makes me seriously question things. My kids sabotage because of fear and feelings of inadequacy and being undeserving. Am I now in step with them and modeling the very thing I am trying to eliminate?
Specifically, why is it so hard to let go?
I got a call yesterday asking to increase CDQs meds. After a brief struggle, I went ahead and asked how she was doing. They said she was doing great. Really? Cuz like didn't you just ask to increase her meds like 30 seconds ago?
I know they judge me and most of them never tell me the truth about CDQ. They think they are helping her. Naive jackasses. Just wait 'til she comes full circle and starts pointing her finger at you, then let's see where you stand. Pfft.
I know I need to let go. My mind needs to let go and my heart needs to let go and I need to give it all to God. I know this.
I know this soooo well. I know I can't stop her from f'ing up her life just like her mother. Her sister's dead because I couldn't stop her mother. CDQ wants to hurt and she wants to be the victim, just like her mother. Her sister's death happened to CDQ, and not her sister...just like everything happens to my sister.
I know these things happen to other people but CDQ uses it for attention seeking. Just like my sister does. People eventually figure out the truth. It's sad.
It's unfortunate to say the least, but it is what it is.
Damn.
Why is it so hard to laugh?
Is it because of the two empty spaces we now have? There are good things I can be posting left and right on here but I don't.
I guess part of it is the Internetz frown upon it, after all THE day I posted about how great my kids were doing, it came crashing down. We are on an upswing right now, but U-G-H!
Or is it because I feel like I have to hold everything else more tightly now? I have to keep everyone safe.
Or is it guilt? If it's guilt, it's so irrational. Why shouldn't we be happy too?
It makes me seriously question things. My kids sabotage because of fear and feelings of inadequacy and being undeserving. Am I now in step with them and modeling the very thing I am trying to eliminate?
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