Takenlife...

I wrote this last month but thought I would post it now while I gather my thoughts about everything that has happened around here and write about it.
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I don't know if you guys have noticed, but my URL is takenlife.blogspot.com.

When I choose that URL, it is how I felt. Like my life had been taken from me. I've had a fear of this forever, but perhaps my grandmother is the reason I fear losing my life.

The reason I am talking about this right now is because yesterday was her birthday. Her 84th birthday. For those who have been following my blog, you may have gleaned that my grandmother has been in an abusive marriage for over 50 years.

50 years. It takes my breath away.

I lived with her and my grandfather until I was about 9 years old.  She raised me. In the times that I can remember, she was never truly happy. She was depressed, always sad, always trying to tell someone the awful things that my grandfather did to her and even then the things she shared with whoever would listen over and over again didn't even make a dent in the heartless things he did to her.

I can remember sitting next to my grandfather on the couch and him telling me how beautiful the half dressed women on the mexican tv station were, the ones who were dancing around on the screen.  He would tell me that they were more beautiful then my ugly mama (meaning my grandmother). This with my grandmother sitting less than 3 ft away.  I would tell him he was wrong and that my "Mom" (that's what I called her) was the beautiful-ist Mom in the whole wide world. He would tell me she wasn't. And just in case you thought he was kidding, he would then tell me that I was replaceable. That if I didn't behave he would replace me with some mythical girl from down the street.

I grew up and got away from him. I ended up being banned from his house because I wouldn't disown my biological Aunt, his step-child. My grandmother didn't get away. When I was in my early 20's I asked her why she didn't just leave him. She told me it was too late. She said she was too old.

Then earlier this year I was shocked when I spoke to her on the phone and she told me she wanted to visit me after years of not seeing each other. I told her she was more than welcome. The night she got here, she sat in my recliner and she told me that she really missed me and thought about me a lot over the years.  See-- when I was banned from that house, I never looked back. I felt my grandmother had made her decision and I would only see her when she came out to our state and visited out there. She also told me about how she was so glad she got to see me one last time. That broke my heart.

Very shortly, I would learn that her children were acting like she had one foot in the grave and that her husband had been robbing her blind. She was broke. While she was here visiting me she told me of the awful things he has done since, she even went farther back and told of ways he had taken her money and forced her to sign documents, he even forged her name.  She confided that she was terrified she would have no place to live because he had forced her to sign a paper that basically meant if something happened to him she would have to pay $847 to live in her own home. A reverse mortgage maybe? I don't know.

I told her she could stay here as long as she wanted and that is what she has done. She has not asked to go back. I do hear her tell people on the phone that she is going to visit them on the weekends but she tells everyone she encounters here that she has moved here.  She keeps telling people she is happy here. She is fed well, she goes to the (senior) center and exercises and she goes places.

Back home she sat in a recliner and watched tv all day. Nobody cared. Now that she is here, her children are concerned.  They are concerned we are taking her money. Isn't that a hoot?  My grandmother has three accounts now: Christmas club, savings and checking. She is doing well. She has new clothes. She has everything she wants.

She is "allowed" to have saints and flowers and whatever she wants decorating her space without being yelled at or told it isn't her house to do these things. Yes, her husband would not let her have flowers in the house or much of anything else. I tried to give her a room but she wants to stay in the living room because she is in the middle of the action. lol

Halloween 2010

I have never seen my grandmother so happy. I had never heard her true laugh or even a belly laugh until now and I am cherishing it all.

She asked me to be her Power of Attorney effective immediately when her children tried to have her declared incompetent. But I still live in fear that her kids will do something to take her from here. One of her son's who is just like his father believes my grandmother "belongs" with her husband.  He's trying to stir up trouble.

They have been attacking my mother and trying to get her arrested for things like kidnapping my grandmother (which obviously isn't true) to filing missing person reports. It's been stressful. I've been researching how to protect my grandmother since it appears that she may be in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

I know it's easy to be in denial. But I'm not so sure that my grandmother has Alzheimer's. It's more like she's checked out and is creating the life and family she wished she had.  Her brain scans came back normal. If someone rubs her the wrong way she is alert as can be, but if something is stressful or uncomfortable (her children asking her when she's coming back) she disassociates, just like our RAD kids do.  She even gets stress eczema and picks at her face. I don't know.

I want more than anything to keep her safe and I hope that is God's plan too.  I hope to meet with a lawyer to see if there is anything more I can do. I feel like right now is the time that she's getting some of her life back, I don't want the belly laughs and chuckles behind her hand to end for her.  I don't want her entire life to be gone and taken from her by all the selfish people around her.