Attachment Milestone!

Yesterday we all finally got to leave the house together. We piled into the mini-van (the big van isn't converted for Hubs yet.) and as we started to go down our driveway, my mind was playing weird tricks with me. I kept expecting the van to die or the gates to snap shut on us. lol!

Anyhow, I don't really want to write about where we went just yet because I want to focus this post on CDQ.

She astounded me. I've thought I noticed subtle changes since I seperated her from all the other kids. I know I've noticed changes in the other kids. SS is really huggy and clingy with me now. The boy calls me Mom. Poufy...well, I think her thyroid meds are doing something to her but that's another story for another time.

Anyhow, we went out to dinner first and after dinner we were pottying everyone. Most of you know the drill I am sure. Everybody better go before we leave. The oldest took Poufy and the boy to the bathroom first and then I took SS and CDQ next. On the way there and the way back SS was holding my hand. She rushes to my side every time to hold my hand. I'm pretty sure we are close to being securely attached.

But CDQ, she's definitely guarded. On the way to the bathroom she was on the other side of me and I let my hand swing and hit hers just in case she might catch it. (I know... wishful thinking. lol) She didn't of course, BUT she didn't pull away either.

On the way back to the table, she reached out and grabbed my hand. I finally have my rings (engagement and wedding band, I've meant to post about that.) and she looked at my rings and told me how pretty they were. THEN, she grabbed the tip of my pinky with her thumb and pointer finger and gingerly walked along that way.

At first, I didn't notice, but when I did, I said "What are you doing? You can hold my whole hand." She clapped her hand over mine and SHE SMILED UP at me. Then we went our separate ways back at the table. As we were leaving the restaurant, she rushed to one side and SS rushed to the other and they each grabbed a hand.

CDQ squeezed my hand and I looked down at her and she said "I squeeze hands all the time." This made me chuckle inside because she knows that SS and I take turns squeezing each others hands as hard as we can or in patterns when we walk AND she doesn't even hold anyone's hands. I squeezed her hand back.

CDQ and I definitely butt heads, I don't know if that will ever change because I am not willing to make her "special" or a "favorite" and that's what she thinks she needs. I am so hoping she will be able to grow out of this narcissism. But when are hands touched you could feel like an electricity or tension or something. We were both definitely trying and putting ourselves out there. It was exhilarating but scary at the same time.

Then on the way home, I don't even know how it came up. Maybe she was just reflecting the day and how it went and where she's at now because out of no where she said she couldn't believe how they all used to go to the bathroom all over their rooms, or even how they used to use the buckets instead of the toilet. She said "That was so nasty. I can't believe I did that. Was that part of our disorder?" She's actually the one who filled her bucket with water and drank from it. EWWWWW!

I don't know whether to get too excited that she seems to be having little revelations and that she definitely put some trust in me in holding my hands but whatever it is...I WILL TAKE IT!