The Agony and the Ecstasy- Part 1

I've come yet again to a fork in the road.

The kids have been insanely out of control. I mean insanely doesn't even justify or express the amount of, I can't even think of a word for it.

I'm talking 6 hour tantrum marathons of screaming, kicking, yelling back (instead of talking they scream things at us.) I worry someone will call CPS only to find the child is screaming while the rest of the family tries to maintain some semblance of normalcy.

I have two that do these tantrums and one in training apparently.

I've done the hold, I've tried to talk it out, I've tried to ignore it in case it was for attention. I've praised when it's been avoided, I've tried to prevent it- angry monster game, punch your pillow, draw a picture of how you feel.

But when push came to shove, I asked the other kids how they felt if the kids who tantrum all the time were just gone. One child said they would miss them. But then there was this big to do about how they would all have their own rooms and how much quieter and happier they would be without the screaming and crying.

The truth of the matter is that these other children the tantruming children are starting or well have been disrupting the lives of everyone and basically not allowing any of us to live.

What causes the tantrums? CDQ hurts Poufy, they were both doing something they weren't supposed to be doing, they both get time outs that's 8 and 7 minutes. But oh no, they aren't going to be told what to do. Hells no.

So all hell breaks loose.

The straw that broke the camel's back?

The oldest came in mortified because she said she could hear screaming all the way out to the street when she went across the street to get the mail. Looking at her face, I felt bad. I, myself, came from an abusive home. You could hear the screaming and the cussing and sometimes the hitting outside. I felt bad for her. No one was being abused in this home and to have the screaming just because they felt they could? Uh uh. It had to stop or they had to go.

I told the therapist that we can't live this way anymore. It's interfering with every one's lives and it's not fair.

She wanted me to hire a babysitter and leave the tantruming children behind, but let's be honest--would you leave your children behind? Knowing behavioral issues would you put that on someone? Either that person is going to be overwhelmed and lose it or they are going to tell you off and never come back.

I don't think she realizes the levels of these tantrums.

Anyhow, it came down to the final hour, telling the children that they better shape up or ship out.

I felt we had to go there because these weren't uncontrollable tantrums on their part. These weren't true blue we hate you tantrums. If I started to say something in another room they wanted to hear they could stop crying or thrashing or screaming in a heart beat. Sometimes they would even burst out laughing in the middle of a my-life-is-being-threatened tantrum.

It seemed they were enjoying themselves making every one miserable.

So we did it. But by the time we got there it was full on all of you need to get it together.

Not one of them failed me at the therapists office.

The oldest showed her true colors by giving off her attitude simply because she was told she didn't do the parenting in the house.

SS showed that she wanted to act like a stupid girl and pretend that she doesn't hear anything or know anything so she could get some laughs (mildest of all the children's issues)

CDQ sat there arms crossed staring holes into the therapist. She had no answers for anyone or anything. But boy did she have excuses and reasons why it was always someone else's fault.

Poufy tried to answer what she thought the therapist wanted to hear and then tried to analyze CDQ.

Then they both blew up at each other and gave the therapist a tiny dose of everything I have been telling her.

The boy- he ignored the therapist completely. If he wasn't going to get to play he wanted nothing to do with her.

Needless to say the therapist was not happy. She told me that it looked like they didn't want to be part of the family and that I had done everything I could possibly do. It was up to them to turn it around if they wanted to stay.

She of course told me she couldn't make any decisions or recommendations for what I should do but that she would say that I had to take care of myself first. She said I needed to think about what the kids are doing to me because if something happens to me they (including Hubs) will be in a lot of trouble.

You see, if something does happen to me. They have no one. Nothing. I know what the therapist is saying.

All the books I've read say that if the kid hasn't made any adjustments the strong possibility is that the way things are now are the way they will stay. I can't live with that. The destructiveness of a few of the kids is rubbing off on all of the kids. It's destroying the family.