We're screwed!
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The above is an e-mail Hubs sent me (why yes, my husband e-mails me from the game room about 30 feet away from our bedroom, it's the only way we can talk privately apparently.) this e-mail quoting this from a website URL I sent him. The red is his own words. lol
This was over a month ago. We've been thinking about moving for a while now since the kids came. We started noticing a lot more about our neighborhood when we started spending more time outside and just being home. I didn't realize how much Hubs and I went out until his surgery. We left a lot less after the kids.
It wasn't until this, that I did lose it. I got mad because I had to have gates around my house and I had to have security grade chains and padlocks on said gates. I was mad that I couldn't just live and that I have to have this false protection and that I never feel safe. I worry that someone is going to shoot at our house instead of the losers across the street and Hubs is going to get shot again.
It didn't matter anymore that Bela's memorial tree is in the front or our present and future trees were in the front. It didn't matter about the trees that Hubs and I first planted, or my rose bushes or all the blood, tears and sweat I put into this place. Not even the acreage mattered. I just wanted out.
So the decision has been made. Tomorrow the neighbor's realtor comes to pick up the cats, yes, I still have them and I just caught a third one this morning. It gave up because it was starving. I will ask her about selling our house. (As I was writing this the Mama cat came to my window and meowed. I sighed got up and opened the door. She walked right in. In a weird twist, she wants nothing to do with her children.)
Today, I went and looked through a house. It is bigger, it's supposed to be better. It's in a gated community in the expensive side of town. It's beautiful. The kids will feel safer and have more room, there's a community pool and community parks with play equipment throughout. It's almost too good to be true. But I still feel kind of empty. This was my home, my heart. I know whatever house we end up in will eventually be our home and I'll feel the same but it's still a little hard to let go.
