An answer maybe...

I get a little frustrated because I have a lot to share but I can't tell you how much I wish Monday were here already.

My acupuncturist is pretty sure we have discovered what is causing my pain. Aside from all four impacted wisdom teeth, I have an exposed nerve or some such thing in the lower left tooth AND I have two pinched nerves on either side of my neck (more than likely causing the numbness and pins/needles feeling in my hands) and my right shoulder blade is popped out of place.

I have a consult for my wisdom teeth to be removed on the 29th and that can't come fast enough. Monday he is going to un-pinch those nerves and pop my shoulder back into place. We couldn't do it on Friday because he was booked and truly couldn't find a way to get me in.

He said we could start working on the emotional stuff after we got the pain stuff out of the way. Soooo, I also decided that for the next two weeks I will be going EVERYDAY to acupuncture because I know it works and I want to get through this so I can move on already.

So, looking back. When I first saw my acupuncturist,  I could barely move my neck, I couldn't move my arm and I could barely walk. I had a raging sinus infection and it turns out I also had a reaction to the nasal flu vaccine that I had just got. Let's not forget I still had impacted wisdom teeth.

OH, I can't believe I keep forgetting to tell you guys this! I'm allergic to something in ALL water! I had stomach problems and he put me on vitamins and I now only drink distilled water and no more stomach problems! It's huge. My whole life I've had this issue.  Crazy isn't it? I had just ignored it.

Speaking of ignoring. I have had buzzing, ringing, pitches, sounds in my ears for as long as I can remember too and I had just got used to living with it. He treated me for that on Thursday and it was incredible. I was sitting in the dark during that session and I could hear someone running upstairs and that caused a slight vibration to his wall decor that I could hear, but I couldn't figure out the rustling sound I kept hearing...it was my hair touching the back of the chair and rustling! I could hear it.

That session was so painful but worth it. I now know my pain and my problems are real.  I just couldn't understand it.

I told him that I was having shooting pains along my left leg and I also told him that I had pain in my right hand and at that moment I touched where the pain was but told him it was weird because when I touched where the pain was between my fingers, I felt pain on my right arm and shoulder. He asked me if it was in the joint or more along the back. I told him it was on the back and he pressed my shoulder exactly where the pain was. I had started to cry and I told him I felt like a hypochondriac and he smiled at me and asked me if I knew how he knew about my pain on the back of my shoulder. I said no and he told the places where I told him I had pain are the same meridians or connected or some such thing.

So it's real!

Same thing with my hearing. I thought I was going insane. He put the needles into my right foot and I thought some of the buzzing had gone away, when I focused... I told him that only the buzzing in my left ear was gone.  He told me that was the ear he was working on... At first I was like, WOW! because it was gone but then I realized SHHHHHH$%^!!! That meant he had to do the same thing to the OTHER foot. ouch~!

The other foot was worse and I still have the teeniest of buzzing in it and my foot is all bruised up to prove it...but being able to hear...*sigh* I'm so glad this happened now because I was going to purchase hearing aids in the next week or so. Those are not cheap.

So again, it's real!

It's just amazing. All this recent stuff came about from my acupuncturist asking me to keep a notebook of my thoughts and pain. I realized that I forget most of what I need to tell him by the time I get there.  After a lot of thinking, I also realize that I have repressed my feelings and my pain for so long.

That's the way I was raised. "Crying doesn't make anything better.", "Suck it up!", "If you aren't dying or bleeding, I don't want to hear ya.", etc...  Plus, with my abandonment issues, I just molded into what everyone else wanted. I was dead inside.   The first time I cried when there wasn't physical pain and blood involved was when Karlton died in '99.  Before that was when a microwave fell on my head and I was dizzy and gushing blood from my head and my mom yelled "my microwave, be careful with it!" Seriously, I was doing something for her in the garage, and she told me to grab something for her, I asked her if it was safe, she said yes and then the world's largest, oldest microwave fell on my head and busted it open. I pushed it off me and got cussed out for it. Then I went in the house and I laid down and cried. Lovely, eh?

Lucky I woke up. But I used to be able to recall pictures of things I read and be able to read them from my memory and now I can't. My memory has never been the same.

Anyhow, just rambling as puzzle pieces start to come into focus and find their place in the big picture.