and adjusting...
My kids at home are doing awesome...CDQ- no change.
Just yesterday, I came to terms that I just can't do it all anymore when it comes to making the house run smoothly. I feel so guilty. I knew in the long run I wanted my kids to be self-sufficient and my youngest is going to be 10 this year so they aren't little but I wanted to be able to give them a real mom and a little more early childhood for a little longer. If that makes sense?
I hate standing around telling them what to do and how to do it because I feel lazy and guilty even though I know I can't do it all and it's nothing like their bio mom who didn't want to do it. Yet, yesterday when I was teaching my kids how to do their laundry I realized that maybe I have babied them too much. Sure right now they are eager to learn but more importantly they are very capable of learning and doing these tasks. They have moved from that place where they were afraid to say or do anything. (Don't get me wrong, they still have some days like that but now they are showing signs of confidence.)
I'm afraid I'm the one who hasn't focused on their accomplishments. I do reflect on the past and see how far and how hard they've worked to get where they are but there's still that part of me that wants to protect them as if they were still the children who needed to be taught how to sit at the table or how to do simple age appropriate every day things.
So I'm going to work on taking things for what they are and still marvel over the "little" things my kids accomplish but not limit them to what I believe their capabilities are. Instead of feeling guilt, I'm going to focus on how self-sufficient my kids will be, how smart they are and how much more they will know.
I will focus on the fact that in delegating I am actually able to spend more time with each child individually.
I will focus on the fact that my children have healed and love me enough to care and help make things easier for me. How many parents of non-RAD kids could even say that?
I am a very lucky (and grateful) person. :-)
My kids at home are doing awesome...CDQ- no change.
Just yesterday, I came to terms that I just can't do it all anymore when it comes to making the house run smoothly. I feel so guilty. I knew in the long run I wanted my kids to be self-sufficient and my youngest is going to be 10 this year so they aren't little but I wanted to be able to give them a real mom and a little more early childhood for a little longer. If that makes sense?
I hate standing around telling them what to do and how to do it because I feel lazy and guilty even though I know I can't do it all and it's nothing like their bio mom who didn't want to do it. Yet, yesterday when I was teaching my kids how to do their laundry I realized that maybe I have babied them too much. Sure right now they are eager to learn but more importantly they are very capable of learning and doing these tasks. They have moved from that place where they were afraid to say or do anything. (Don't get me wrong, they still have some days like that but now they are showing signs of confidence.)
I'm afraid I'm the one who hasn't focused on their accomplishments. I do reflect on the past and see how far and how hard they've worked to get where they are but there's still that part of me that wants to protect them as if they were still the children who needed to be taught how to sit at the table or how to do simple age appropriate every day things.
So I'm going to work on taking things for what they are and still marvel over the "little" things my kids accomplish but not limit them to what I believe their capabilities are. Instead of feeling guilt, I'm going to focus on how self-sufficient my kids will be, how smart they are and how much more they will know.
I will focus on the fact that in delegating I am actually able to spend more time with each child individually.
I will focus on the fact that my children have healed and love me enough to care and help make things easier for me. How many parents of non-RAD kids could even say that?
I am a very lucky (and grateful) person. :-)
2 comments:
Wow, you are such a great mom! Those kids are so lucky to have a mom like you. Self sufficiency breeds self confidence, and having chores makes them feel like they are a contributing part of the family, a true member, not just someone you have to take care of. You are helping each other, and taking some of the load off you will make you feel better. Stress is your main enemy right now. As a mom, you will be happier and be more fun for the kids-it's a win-win, not a favor you are asking of them. You will all benefit. I hope your pain and fatigue are on their way to being more manageable. It's a process-some drugs work for some, some don't, and it takes a while to get there usually. Try not to get discouraged-it will happen :)
yes, yes, YES!! you thought that through beautifully. and i ditto mindy as well. you are amazing.
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