It seems like ages since I've been here.
Hubbins upgraded our internet and the company did a bang up job of getting us crossed over to the faster speed but totally forgot to send us the new modem for it so we've been without internet. I have internet on my cell phone but I can't imagine blogging from there.
Also today, the oldest helped me move my computer closer to me so I could actually use it.
I met with CDQ's new counselor who told me he had called me in because they are at a standstill with CDQ and basically can't help her anymore. He wanted me to sign her transfer to a treatment foster home. Like that's going to make a difference, we were a treatment foster home. This on the heels of a local news report where a 15 and 16 year old beat a treatment foster care mother to death because she would not let them take her minivan. They killed her and took it anyway.
He told me that she says if she comes back home she's "just going to rip the place apart." Oh and she wants a baby. He said the only reason she wants contact with her siblings is so she can keep control over them. He told me I had to make a decision and I think he was blown away by the decision I made.
He told me I can't save the world. He told me CDQ is always going to be unhappy even if she had everything she ever wanted. He told me I am not responsible for her actions and that I should not feel guilty. He told me I should live again, I should take care of my health because I have a family who depends on me and I have a whole life ahead of me. He told me I should have bio children if I want (CDQ has threatened to harm any biological children I might have). Basically, he said my success rate with RAD children is better then the center's and there's nothing to be done. He told me to let the system deal with it. He thinks she will do well in the foster home because no one will try to bond with her.
After many buts, ands, ifs, etc... on my part, I realized this is the end of the road. I don't want CDQ to grow up in the system. But the writing is on the wall. She can't come back either. So I asked for a dissolution. I requested she be put back up for adoption. He didn't know the process and told me he would get back to me on it. I think I need to hire a lawyer.
This is it, I don't expect anyone to understand but I know some of you will. But this IS something I can do for her. If we are not the right family, I won't be selfish and force her to live in the system. Maybe she will be adopted and maybe it will be a wonderful family like some of my readers and she'll flourish and grow and won't throw her life away. Maybe with someone else she can turn it around. I have to at least give her that chance, you know?
I sometimes feel like I am going crazy because even though this child has abused me and has the power to make me physically ill, I still feel like I'm losing a child. If it seems like I am talking a lot about myself, I am the only person I can speak for. I can tell you what the others have said: they all wrote notes that they never want to see her again. It seemed so easy for them and so definite. I know she's hurt them too, probably way more then she's hurt me since she's attempted to kill a couple of them. But I feel so selfish and foolish when I start to think that I can still change things. The kids have spoken and I would be putting them in danger again.
Things are so different here. The kids are relaxed and thriving. My doctor and his wife came over for Hubbins birthday last weekend and this whole week they have been telling me how impressed they were by my children. They couldn't believe they didn't argue and had no problems taking turns on the Wii and that they were so helpful in preparation and cooking.
The boy has been having some trouble, it's faded now, but I think he's remembered some stuff. I anticipate in a week or two he will have some new revelations about his trauma or it could just be backlash from the celebrations last weekend and Father's day this weekend...but let me tell you the extent of how well our house is doing ( and internet please don't jinx me. lol)
There was a disagreement this morning. Get this... the disagreement was over WHO was going to do a chore. They weren't fighting that it wasn't their turn or anything like that. They both wanted to do it. How many people would die for their kids to have that disagreement? Here's the real shocker. The chore wasn't a regular chore but it was a poo accident the dog had. Yep two of my kids were arguing over who was going to pick up dog poo. I am so blessed. lol
It was hard to lecture them about it but I had to nip it in the bud before it spread to other things...one child had grabbed another child from the shirt and that wasn't ok. But my kids can do things together now and I don't have to constantly be hovering over them. It's safe.
They are moving on and I am so proud of them.
Hubbins upgraded our internet and the company did a bang up job of getting us crossed over to the faster speed but totally forgot to send us the new modem for it so we've been without internet. I have internet on my cell phone but I can't imagine blogging from there.
Also today, the oldest helped me move my computer closer to me so I could actually use it.
I met with CDQ's new counselor who told me he had called me in because they are at a standstill with CDQ and basically can't help her anymore. He wanted me to sign her transfer to a treatment foster home. Like that's going to make a difference, we were a treatment foster home. This on the heels of a local news report where a 15 and 16 year old beat a treatment foster care mother to death because she would not let them take her minivan. They killed her and took it anyway.
He told me that she says if she comes back home she's "just going to rip the place apart." Oh and she wants a baby. He said the only reason she wants contact with her siblings is so she can keep control over them. He told me I had to make a decision and I think he was blown away by the decision I made.
He told me I can't save the world. He told me CDQ is always going to be unhappy even if she had everything she ever wanted. He told me I am not responsible for her actions and that I should not feel guilty. He told me I should live again, I should take care of my health because I have a family who depends on me and I have a whole life ahead of me. He told me I should have bio children if I want (CDQ has threatened to harm any biological children I might have). Basically, he said my success rate with RAD children is better then the center's and there's nothing to be done. He told me to let the system deal with it. He thinks she will do well in the foster home because no one will try to bond with her.
After many buts, ands, ifs, etc... on my part, I realized this is the end of the road. I don't want CDQ to grow up in the system. But the writing is on the wall. She can't come back either. So I asked for a dissolution. I requested she be put back up for adoption. He didn't know the process and told me he would get back to me on it. I think I need to hire a lawyer.
This is it, I don't expect anyone to understand but I know some of you will. But this IS something I can do for her. If we are not the right family, I won't be selfish and force her to live in the system. Maybe she will be adopted and maybe it will be a wonderful family like some of my readers and she'll flourish and grow and won't throw her life away. Maybe with someone else she can turn it around. I have to at least give her that chance, you know?
I sometimes feel like I am going crazy because even though this child has abused me and has the power to make me physically ill, I still feel like I'm losing a child. If it seems like I am talking a lot about myself, I am the only person I can speak for. I can tell you what the others have said: they all wrote notes that they never want to see her again. It seemed so easy for them and so definite. I know she's hurt them too, probably way more then she's hurt me since she's attempted to kill a couple of them. But I feel so selfish and foolish when I start to think that I can still change things. The kids have spoken and I would be putting them in danger again.
Things are so different here. The kids are relaxed and thriving. My doctor and his wife came over for Hubbins birthday last weekend and this whole week they have been telling me how impressed they were by my children. They couldn't believe they didn't argue and had no problems taking turns on the Wii and that they were so helpful in preparation and cooking.
The boy has been having some trouble, it's faded now, but I think he's remembered some stuff. I anticipate in a week or two he will have some new revelations about his trauma or it could just be backlash from the celebrations last weekend and Father's day this weekend...but let me tell you the extent of how well our house is doing ( and internet please don't jinx me. lol)
There was a disagreement this morning. Get this... the disagreement was over WHO was going to do a chore. They weren't fighting that it wasn't their turn or anything like that. They both wanted to do it. How many people would die for their kids to have that disagreement? Here's the real shocker. The chore wasn't a regular chore but it was a poo accident the dog had. Yep two of my kids were arguing over who was going to pick up dog poo. I am so blessed. lol
It was hard to lecture them about it but I had to nip it in the bud before it spread to other things...one child had grabbed another child from the shirt and that wasn't ok. But my kids can do things together now and I don't have to constantly be hovering over them. It's safe.
They are moving on and I am so proud of them.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry. But unfortunately, I am a member of the "club" and I get it. At some point, the person that is drowning everyone else in the family has to get in a different lifeboat. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I have more than one child in this situation. It is heartbreaking.
I am with you here, too. I have a child that has chosen a path that makes it unsafe for the family. My husband and I have done everything possible to help her and keep her safe. She won't or isn't able to stop making the unsafe decisions...Unfortunately in my daughter's case, she will end up in jail! Sending you love, as I am feeling the same!
I'm still reading, just lost as to what to say. Know I'm listening.
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