I decided to do it.
I'm tired of living in limbo or denial...
I am in pain, I do have inflammation and there are deformities in my hands.
I don't know what I am going to do with the answer.
I'm supposed to know by tomorrow.
Saturday I had my blood drawn.
Arthritis Panel, Thyroid Panel and CMP.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.
Worried something flags abnormal...worried every thing is normal. Worried there will still be no definitive answer...worried there will be an answer I can't afford.
I just desperately want and need an answer. I want to be me again.
Sometimes I think I should just be grateful that I am walking again and that I can get up and move, but other times I just can't keep a positive focus.
Days like today, when all I wanted in the world was to have a Happy Mother's Day with the children who love me and my family around me.
But I was dealing with Flo pain and my teeth are still shifting which has led to jaw pain and a clicking in my jaw sometimes. When I swallow it feels like I am swallowing a small rubber ball. Plus, that damn flare up... All I could do was lie in bed until I took ibuprofen which made me sleepy.
I hate the days that I can't do routine. My fingers are swollen so I can't put on shoes, a bra, pants or shirts with buttons. Today was a day I couldn't even lift my shirt over my head. I couldn't pull my pants down to go to the bathroom. So then I have to be careful about what I eat or drink to limit the trips to the bathroom It's such a mind$#%^.
But I'm trying to keep the faith. Hoping for some kind of deficiency or something that has an easy enough fix. (Isn't that what we all hope for?)
So until tomorrow...
I'm tired of living in limbo or denial...
I am in pain, I do have inflammation and there are deformities in my hands.
I don't know what I am going to do with the answer.
I'm supposed to know by tomorrow.
Saturday I had my blood drawn.
Arthritis Panel, Thyroid Panel and CMP.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.
Worried something flags abnormal...worried every thing is normal. Worried there will still be no definitive answer...worried there will be an answer I can't afford.
I just desperately want and need an answer. I want to be me again.
Sometimes I think I should just be grateful that I am walking again and that I can get up and move, but other times I just can't keep a positive focus.
Days like today, when all I wanted in the world was to have a Happy Mother's Day with the children who love me and my family around me.
But I was dealing with Flo pain and my teeth are still shifting which has led to jaw pain and a clicking in my jaw sometimes. When I swallow it feels like I am swallowing a small rubber ball. Plus, that damn flare up... All I could do was lie in bed until I took ibuprofen which made me sleepy.
I hate the days that I can't do routine. My fingers are swollen so I can't put on shoes, a bra, pants or shirts with buttons. Today was a day I couldn't even lift my shirt over my head. I couldn't pull my pants down to go to the bathroom. So then I have to be careful about what I eat or drink to limit the trips to the bathroom It's such a mind$#%^.
But I'm trying to keep the faith. Hoping for some kind of deficiency or something that has an easy enough fix. (Isn't that what we all hope for?)
So until tomorrow...
1 comment:
Sending you a big hug, and I'll be praying that you get helpful results.
Mary
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