But she's not here. I find myself staring at the blinking cursor feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have so much to share. I've been wanting to tell you guys about my other kids.
My other kids, they are doing pretty awesome. I hate that I've spent so much time documenting the ugly that I haven't really had a chance to tell you about the good stuff.
Poufy, SS and The oldest are securely attached now! The boy is almost there but he's had his moments where he gets scared and shouts that he doesn't have a home or family (I'll get rid of you before you can get rid of me syndrome.) but that hasn't happened in almost a year. I'm just being cautious before I proclaim him securely attached. lol! CDQ's therapist says I should focus on the fact that I have an 80% success rate.
The oldest has really come around. She still has her moments but for a 14 year old going on 15 next month, she's awesome. I think I can attribute that to homeschool somewhat because she hasn't been around other kids her age to learn about being obnoxious, that or we just got past the obnoxious part early. What I really like about the oldest is that she lets the things I say marinate. Sure, she'll get mad but later on she can come forward and step up and own her actions. This was huge with me. I wanted to make sure she was thinking before she was doing. I had to tell her that I had no hidden agenda and that I had no control issues regarding her life. All I wanted was for her to think and make conscious decisions. Oh boy it was frustrating at first, and still can get that way... but she's been doing a ton of reflecting and she cringes over the things that she's said and done in the past. She's not an angel, but she's a good kid. I was so worried that she wasn't going to snap out of that whole ghetto thing she was married to when she got here. *phew* She's embarrassed about all that now.
SS, I'm proud of this girl too. She used to be such a doormat. She gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. Then she flipped into this incredibly angry girl and that eased her into depression. Her heart was heavy because she didn't feel it was fair that she was here and her little sister was dead. It took some time to get her past that and I'm not sure she's fully there but she's definitely more balanced now. She's very loving and she loves to give tight bear hugs and hang on me and tell me she loves me all the time. She's very touchy feel-y. She takes things to heart and can be very serious but she's also goofy and playful. She wants to be a vet when she grows up and she can't get enough of her Warrior books. It's so funny to see her talk about these twisted little soap opera tales that revolve around cats and their clans. Even though I don't really know what she's talking about, I like to watch her process and then recount the stories to me. She used to have a lot of problems with sequence, focus and memory. She used to not be able to recount what happened in a paragraph she had just read and now I can see how much she's grown and how much better she's become in those aspects from her retelling of the stories. She's come a long way.
With CDQ, I can tell you that I see a child who is struggling. She hates herself. I can see her turning into that one girl who basically changed herself through plastic surgery into something else. She is very much like her mother. BUT, she possesses something her mother doesn't seem to have. She has owned up to some of her actions and her mother has never done that. Believe it or not, I think CDQ is very brave and courageous. I think all my kids are, but CDQ....I think it takes a lot to put the things out there that she does. It's hard and she's still pushing forward trying to sort through it all. She's so young and dealing with such big things. I'm also impressed with her deep interest in history. Maybe because I found most of that stuff boring and she is so fascinated by all of it.
Poufy- Poufy is her own girl. She is so girly. I wish I could post her picture here, but I know out of all the children she is extremely protective of her image. I had to hurt my mom's feelings at Christmas because she was trying to take pictures of the kids opening their presents and stuff and the look on Poufy's face told me it was definitely a NO to her grandma taking her picture. So, I will just tell you how she left my house to go to the store Saturday... she had her Snow White Tiara on her head complete with Tink barrettes to try to keep the pouf in place , a pink plaid Taylor Swift dress on with light pink stretch capri's that had small dark pink polka dots on them followed with her brownish gold Tink snow boots that have pink fur lining. She left bejeweled complete with fake plastic beads and gems. Her hands were covered with fake plastic rings including one oversized "diamond" ring. She wore her birthday princess sash and her birthday button. What I love the most is that she had not an ounce of self consciousness and that is exactly why I let her leave the house that way. I don't want to be the one who puts that into her head. She used to be worried about it and I told her if anyone made fun of her it was their problem not hers, as long as she wasn't dressed like a ho showing all that God gave her and she was comfortable that's all that matters and apparently she took that to heart.
I'm interested in seeing how all my kids turn out of course but this one....this one is going to surprise me. I just know it. lol!
Finally, the boy. He's still very afraid of making mistakes. Sadly that is holding him back and I'm still not sure how to help him get past all that. In my house if you make a mistake it's not that big of a deal. God knows that I make a million mistakes and I say it all the time. I've worked with all the kids because their first instinct is to lie about something. They don't know why they do it and with the boy, he's frustrated HIMSELF with the lying. Often I tell him "do you want to try that again?" and I end up getting the truth. But I'm really impressed that those times are becoming fewer and he's stepping forward to tell me what he's done wrong. He assumes I already know and that I'm just waiting for him to confess. Which is kind of cool I guess. LOL! He's chugging along slowly with the reading and he's the one having the most difficulty in school. Largely because he's afraid to mess up and he's afraid of missing out on something. I'm thinking he needs a different kind of curriculum where there's more one and one and the computer might not be the right avenue for that. I really have to make sure I make the right choice. I had chosen the computer because I thought he might be less afraid of making mistakes then if it were me he had to give the answers to. So far I'm leaning towards maybe half computer, half paper curriculum. He's very much like SS and takes things to heart. I think it's just going to take a little more time for him to trust that he will never be accused of something so big again (his father accused him of killing his baby sister, he was asleep and didn't even know what happened so now he is afraid that he might do something and be accused again).
The kids are moving swiftly forward in school. Like I said the boy still has his hangups but the oldest has already moved on to 3rd grade and Poufy and SS are tackling 2nd grade and will be done around the second week of next month. I've found it to be extremely interesting that they all had problems in the same area. It reinforced my idea that our state was failing our kids in some areas. It was also interesting to see the other individualized areas where they had trouble and it was very telling of each child. I was really nervous to take them all back like that but I am so glad I did. The oldest was missing a whole big chunk of second grade in ALL areas. I thought being taken so far back would be a damper for her but she's actually enjoying it and she's in awe of what she's learning. Almost every other day she comes in after doing school work and tells me she is shocked that they are teaching xyz to 3rd graders because she barely started it in 6th grade or she'll say "how can they expect a 3rd grader to know this???" and then it sinks in that she's missed it. I really like when she brings it together though. When she says "NOW I know why we were doing this... I didn't even know about any of this and now I understand where it comes from." I love to see that her thinking is changing too! She's trying to piece things together all around her. I would tell you some of the things that she asks us because they are so hilarious but she would kill me if I did that. I just tell her it's better she's asking us then if she had asked someone else. It's all very Jessica Simpson and her Chicken of the Sea faux pas types of things. lol!
So I have no regrets on taking such a drastic measure in their schooling.
This week in homeschool we are doing "About Me" posters. I'm really excited because I still feel like I am getting to know my other kids. You can tell that I don't really know much about them. I could tell you a million things about CDQ because I have spent nearly two years focused on mainly her. Of course who knows if the things she's told me about herself are true but even then... I'm very limited with what I do know about my other kids. It makes me sad. I feel like I missed a ton and that's why I am in awe of all their changes.
I know I've been here and I know I've talked to them. But I also know it hasn't been nearly enough and that I can't really take credit for their progress. I want all that to change. I want to know who they are. They are all so different. I love that about them. It fascinates me.
Even with things being what they are. I know my kids are good kids. They've come a long way and they are going to make it.
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