So tired...

I gotta tell you this sucks.

My neck is good now and the inflammation in my knuckles and some of my fingers has gone down, but my eyes are all droopy and tired like.

But hey, did you know about the cortisol studies for mom's like us? Did you also know about something called Adrenal Fatigue?  Guess who has the symptoms? Guess what Adrenal Fatigue can bring on...if you guessed arthritis...here's 10 points for you.  I've been wanting to do a post with links on this. (*Note to self...post with links. )

I'm afraid I'm gonna forget things.

This week was hell, I found myself speeding home just to get away from CDQ. I locked myself in the bathroom as soon as we got home and cried my heart out.  Rest assured it's not even CDQ that is the issue. It's the therapist.  I've been starting to feel an irrational resentment towards CDQ.  I fully know it's irrational and I know it has more to do with my growing dislike for her therapist.   Every time I see CDQ, I am able to push aside any dumb feelings that start to surface to be there for her, but God knows I want to quit every few days or so.

I. need. a. break.

Seriously.

What's getting to me the most is that, things aren't so bad around here.  I mean really. No more rages, no more stealing, no more pissing on the floors and crapping on the walls. I've survived what I thought was the worst.

But I think the worst is yet to come.  My kids are comfortable now. They are sharing in detail their abuses. When I can, I sit with them and it becomes a torture marathon.  As one kid comes in right after another, I listen to the abuses they've been through or those that they've witnessed.  I feel like some kind of twisted Santa Claus, they sit on my lap in my recliner and I rock them if I can as they tell me these gruesome things. I reassure them that it was never their fault but they still don't believe.  I carry this all inside just like they do. It didn't happen to me and I'm not so confused about the rage I feel.  Do your kids share with you?

My eyes are so dry they sting and burn, another symptom. Bear with me, I will try to update when I can. I'm thinking of keeping a notebook so I can remember it all.  If I could find a way to vlog private from the kids I will do it.  I might have to move my computer into the closet.  I don't think that's really possible since my desk is 6 ft long, I'd have to move dressers and clothes out of there. The other thing is Hubbins has been bedridden and my computer is in the room. I don't know how well a vlog would go with him butting in every minute. lol!

I'll see what I can do, in the meantime, I hope everyone is well.