How can this be?

Ok, there are several things that have been bugging me lately. I feel like the world is on my shoulders (I know it's not).

My mom called me several days ago. In case you haven't been reading my blog for very long, I have an ex-stepsister we will call her L. She's pushing 40--still a druggie, still a prostitute...and pregnant again. She had 4 children back to back when I was starting high school and I spent the whole of my high school years and the first part of my college years taking care of them save for a year in college out of state. They were all born drug addicted.

These kids are now almost legal. Only three are alive. C killed herself. That was those kids.

With that background...please also know that before all this happened with my kids I have now, My mother had guardianship of them. She was supposed to have all the kids except for baby Bela who was killed but she let my sister take them anyway.

Alright, with that said...my mom called me. She went on and on about how she misses me and I'm the best kid she has and she tells everyone, blah blah blah. Then she tells me L had the baby and the baby was born addicted to meth. She said they ran background checks on everyone who L had submitted names to get the baby. My mom was the only one who passed. I don't even get that since they terminated her rights and supposedly charged her with failure to protect as well. But I guess that is another story.

The night she called me they had gone to court to decide placement of the baby. Well the judge decided this poor drug addicted baby had no business being pulled from the "mother" who caused this addiction and gave the baby back to L. W. T. F!!!!!

I don't get it. We have these people fighting for the right of an unborn child to live only so the courts can place them in the very circumstances that kill them? How could they lay down this murder sentence for this poor innocent child by giving the child back to her? How can they do this? I can only conclude that it is their way of ridding the world of all the "mistakes". Some sort of twisted survival of the fittest which somehow releases them from a guilty conscience.

Then my mom tells me that L called her. She saw the baby get the shakes from withdrawals and she "sees everything she did to her children." Stupid #$%^$. She will never see what she's done to her children. Even if she sticks around long enough for this one. Withdrawals are a drop in the bucket compared to all I have seen and I was only there for the first several years. The fear, the loneliness, the unhappiness. The kids at school. The confusion. The eternal sadness. That's all the tip of the iceberg. She will never see that. I was so shaking mad, one withdrawal and she thinks she understands.

It's been eating at me that she still has that newborn. It's a death sentence for that baby.

-------

I had to surrender our dog Dellyne. In our neighborhood there are pits and rottweilers running loose constantly. There are also a ton of unsupervised children daily. Young children.

Dellyne kept getting out of her kennel and our gate. She had on a harness, a collar, two tie downs and was in a dog run and a gated yard. She got out of all that and broke the gate and was down the street where all the mess is.

I couldn't risk her being attacked by one of those other dogs. I couldn't risk a child getting hurt. I did all I could to keep her locked in and safe and she just wasn't having it. So I had to surrender her to the pound. It was heartbreaking, but I know it was the responsible thing to do. She had been getting out for months and I was still able to keep her in for a couple of weeks at a time but by this time she was breaking out every night. At least, I think.

I don't know if someone was coming in. I told Hubbins about the morning before I took her in. I saw the tie downs leading to her dog house. Madi was going to the bathroom and I was calling Dellyne. She wouldn't come out (so I thought). I was asking her if she was still mad at me about the other day and she still didn't come out which was very odd. I walked over to the dog house where I found the collar and the harness thrown in there. I don't really know if she could have done it that way or broken the fence. But she's gone now and I miss her. Stupid dog. Why couldn't she stay in the yard? *sigh*

---

Lastly, CDQ started her period. I couldn't sleep over that one. Literally. I stayed up all night until about noon the next day. If you are thinking, isn't there another one before CDQ? Yes. SS is 10, CDQ is 9.

Lovely.

Even more lovelier, I don't think 8 year old Poufy is far behind. She's growing on top just as much as CDQ is. I really wouldn't be surprised if she started next.

As for SS, word through the grapevine is that she is jealous. Oh honey...don't be. Really. I don't know how to tell her she's blessed. lol

I guess first I need to find out what kind of magic they think is going to happen when they get their period because I can't for the life of me understand the happiness that has been coming from this curse development.

The icing on the cake. Mine started the same day. Argh.

Damn my shoulders hurt.