Extra

It was a simple slip. One "extra".  Most of the time I catch it as I'm putting out the "extra" dish or placing the "extra" item in the cart.

Such a small, simple thing.

She said, "Do you want pizza?"

I looked at her confused, after all where was this pizza supposed to come from?

She said, "There is an extra one."

I was so confused. Extra? How? One of my kids did not eat their pizza? Impossible.

She noted my confusion and then the recognition flashed across my face. I said no words but she said "You still buy five of things sometimes. It's only natural."

I turned away and stared at the now too bright computer screen. My mind repeating what has become a broken record that is stuck on repeat when I think of this child. "It's not my fault", "I did everything I could.", "It's what she wants."...and on, and on...

Sometimes the days are filled with "extras".